I'm off to Boston for the weekend. Bad people, horrible city, terrible state (unless anyone from Boston happens to read this, in which case I can never be taken seriously - I'm terrible at geography). Have you ever driven on 95 going through Massachusetts? Basically, they set up these enormous green signs at exits that signal "Dunkin Donuts" at this exit or "Roy Rogers" at this exit, then you get off the highway and drive for miles down a road with nothing on it but trees and people who can't pronounce their a's. I'm going because it's my girlfriend's sister's birthday. And well she's cute and convinces me of doing things that I don't really want to do, like drinking skim milk and having sex.
I'm going to go draft a memo to Verizon before I leave for the weekend: "Please be advised that I will be unavailable on the morning of Monday, April 25th, between the hours of 9:00AM and 10:00AM (EST). I will be in Conference Room A bending over trying to get my own dick into my ass, thereby saving you the trouble of having to do it yourselves. Any calls will be forwarded to my voicemail." Have a great weekend everyone. Oh wait, no one reads this.