The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Friday, April 22

If Verizon were my girlfriend...

... I would be getting drunk with my friends tonight looking to hook-up. They just failed me. Miserably. Is there any excuse for my office to not have internet for TWO days? This is the modern day equivalent to a caveman trying to explain to his family why he can't get the fire started for the next two days. There was a guy in my office today who actually almost openly wept when he found out that the internet still wasn't working. It was me.

I'm off to Boston for the weekend. Bad people, horrible city, terrible state (unless anyone from Boston happens to read this, in which case I can never be taken seriously - I'm terrible at geography). Have you ever driven on 95 going through Massachusetts? Basically, they set up these enormous green signs at exits that signal "Dunkin Donuts" at this exit or "Roy Rogers" at this exit, then you get off the highway and drive for miles down a road with nothing on it but trees and people who can't pronounce their a's. I'm going because it's my girlfriend's sister's birthday. And well she's cute and convinces me of doing things that I don't really want to do, like drinking skim milk and having sex.

I'm going to go draft a memo to Verizon before I leave for the weekend: "Please be advised that I will be unavailable on the morning of Monday, April 25th, between the hours of 9:00AM and 10:00AM (EST). I will be in Conference Room A bending over trying to get my own dick into my ass, thereby saving you the trouble of having to do it yourselves. Any calls will be forwarded to my voicemail." Have a great weekend everyone. Oh wait, no one reads this.


This is a super old entry but I just have a minor suggestion being from Southwestern CT and living now in Boston. Perhaps you have even already done this... Why not drive up 95 as far as New Haven, get on 91 as far as Hartford and then take 84 to the Mass Pike? Isn't it more direct? 95 is the devil, I know it. Okay, my syntax is strange in this comment, but don't hold that against my driving suggestions!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:52 PM  

I am just now going through your old archives and found this post. Much in the manner of your office's Verizon debacle, here in Seattle we have the Comcast despots. I have single-handedly attempted to put them out of business by purchasing a satellite dish instead of their fu**ing cable, but I haven't succeeded. I need brothers in arms!

By Blogger Leezer, at 11:09 PM  

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