The Daily Dump

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Tuesday, May 24

Desperate Actresses

Speaking of “Desperate Housewives,” I was watching an episode (OK, three episodes) of MacGyver on Sunday while nursing a slight hangover, and one of the episodes featured Teri Hatcher as the sassy, loveable but ultimately annoying Penny Parker. (If the show was set in 2005, Penny Parker would be played by any young actress staring in a WB sitcom at the moment.)

Then, two episodes later (OK, I watched four episodes), who should appear in the guest start role this episode by the inimitable Mayim Bialik (a.k.a. Blossom), playing “the child whose rich parents are too busy fighting to pick her up from boarding school, so she gets wrapped up in a political assassination plot.”

Now, obviously Teri Hatcher has picked herself up and dusted herself off since her days as Penny Parker, what with those Radio Shack commercials and her turn as Seinfeld’s busty girlfriend with deceptively real breasts. Although this ugly story from her past has come back to haunt her on her imdb message boards:

“In the early 90's my family and I were attending a super soap weekend Softball tournament. We driving down the road and here comes Terri Hatcher running across the street. We slammed on the brakes. She came out of nowhere and it really startled us. She started yelling at us " Watch where you're going you stupid bitches." There were my mother my aunt, my brother(8yrs old), my cousin(7yrs) and myself (11yrs.)in the car she saw us children but it didn't stop her rant. Ever since then my Aunt has hated Terri Hatcher. The rest of the family has let it go.”

Mayim, though, hasn’t had the same luck. After getting notice in a supporting role in Beaches, she starred in the improbably popular sitcom “Blossom.” After that . . . well nothing. Hardly anything you could even consider an attempt to get back into show business. Her imdb page indicates that since “Blossom” went off the air, Mayim has done a handful of voice overs and played “herself” few times. Her latest gig? A guest spot on Kirsty Alley’s show “Fat Actress.” I haven’t seen the episode, but from what I understand her performance consisted of “. . . doing the Blossom dance to the Blossom intro song. She also has sex with one of the regular characters several times (as Mayim) and comments about his lack of size. Her character on the show is both nasty and also rather large.”

So what exactly HAS become of her life? I did some digging:

- She is, in fact, very large now:

She is the unattractive one . . . on the left.

- At a fan’s website, under the section “Mayim is currently…” they have this listed:

1. She is not making Blossom anymore.
2. She is at university studying Marine Biology.

- Mayim did not die of alcohol poisoning in 1997.

- This is the description of her latest movie(Kalamazoo?) from it’s website:

Three women return home for their ten year high school reunion to discover that a time capsule made on graduation night, predicting where everyone would be in ten years’ time, is due to be opened and read aloud at the impending event. Horrified at the thought of their unfulfilled goals being revealed, they embark on a ‘search and destroy’ mission to get their hands on the capsule and chaos ensues! Meanwhile, the spirits of their three deceased grandmothers come down to help to guide the gals through this transitional point in their lives.

What’s the point of all this? I have no idea. But here’s another funny picture.

Quote of the Day:

“There is a british woman here who is actually unattractive to say the least. Yet when she speaks I could search and find a reason to bang her. ‘Wow she really does have nice shoes on.’”

- James, on the undeniable hotness of the British accent


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