The Daily Dump

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Tuesday, May 3

The difference between the U.S. and India

The U.S. is trying to legislate to prevent people from smoking in their cars and India is trying to legislate to prevent monkeys from stealing government records.

And that's not the only problem. Apaprently, India is a total zoo:

“Cows are sacred to Hindus and just the rumor of mistreatment can prompt angry mobs to kill people in revenge. Traffic routinely comes to a halt to allow the animals to amble across highways and pedestrians constantly side-step steaming evidence of their passage . . . Meanwhile, the city is also infested with thousands of monkeys blamed for attacking people and stealing medicine from hospitals and files from government offices.

But in Delhi, authorities can do little more than fine people for feeding them and calling in specially trained, larger and more aggressive long-tailed langur monkeys to scare them off.”

This is the best idea you can come up with?! Bring in bigger monkeys to scare away the smaller monkeys?

Here’s my suggestion: get the cows to befriend the monkeys and then start a nasty runor that the cows are only using the monkeys for their stolen medicine and government files and let them kill each other off in a turf war. That’s about as good an idea as bringing in bigger animals to scare them off.

"Do you see any medicine in there?"

I'm more worried about the condition of the bus actually...

In other completely inconsequential news, the new Iraqi goverment was sworn in today. “Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari pledged to unite Iraq's rival ethnic and religious factions and fight terrorism . . ."

Thank God, I was beginning to think no one noticed what was going on over there.

I'm going to go get a panini for lunch. That's bigger news than any of this.


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