“Linc and Helena Moore may have finally learned the answer to that age-old question: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken doesn't know jaywalking is illegal.”
"Because the chicken doesn’t know jaywalking is illegal?" Not only is it not funny, it’s not even remotely true.
Metaphysically speaking, a causal chain of action/reaction would dictate that the bird didn’t cross the road because it didn’t know jaywalking was illegal. It is a base assumption to suggest that the bird’s motivations were founded on a lack of knowledge of the local code of moving violations. Knowing or not knowing the legality of jaywalking would not have altered the bird’s actions in any way – unless, of course, the bird is a morally inept, calloused law breaker and crossed the road for no other reason than to break the law; in which case the writer of this article would be not only unfunny and inaccurate concerning the bird’s state of mind, but also a terrible judge of character.
Some funnier suggestions:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
1. To get to the other side . . . of a jail cell.
2. As a form of personal protest against a ridiculous, unenforceable law.
3. Because it’s a fucking chicken and it has no self-awareness whatsoever.
Just one more piece of evidence that I should be writing articles for Yahoo news. Perhaps my five readers here could start a petition for this to happen. Just think, if you get five people you know to sign it, we’ll have twenty-five signatures in no time! And you know what they say – one person can’t change anything, but twenty-five people will at least think they can.
"I'm going to write a story for Yahoo News about this!"
Quote of the Day:
"A woman got on the elevator on the 6th floor and hit 7 and as she got off and the doors were closing I said 'Lazy.'"
- James Vanderberg, being James