Worst Way to End a Holiday Weekend
With a sinus infection.
Which is exactly how my Tuesday morning began; and today seems to be going along those lines as well. It’s akin to waking up in the morning, banging your head against the wall 10 or 15 times, and then going about your day. Ridiculous. People are trying to talk to me and it’s like Micky and Adrienne swirling around my head telling me to stay down. But no, I claw my way back up and finish that spreadsheet. For what? I should be home picking up where I left off last night with my tivo watching – another episode of “MacGyver,” followed by another viewing of The Girl Next Door, the movie that single-handedly catapulted Elisha Cuthbert into the “distant-second to The Girlfriend” place on my list formerly held by Katie “Dianetics” Holmes. Just an unbelievable performance. So believable in the roll of “the cool girl who just wants a nice guy” that it prompted this conversation between me and my friend James:
James: “I feel like under the right circumstances one of us could hook up with her if we met her out.”
Me: “Under the right circumstances one of us could totally hook up with her. Granted "the right circumstances" include the rest of us holding her down.”
But instead, I’m here, at work, listening to the echoes of phones ringing in my head long after the calls are over. I’m trying my best not to look too sick, but also not to look too healthy. There’s a delicate balance you need to maintain – the balance of appearance and actual degree of illness. You want sympathy, you want people to give you less work and, most of all, to feel bad when they do give you work. But if you take it too far, you run the risk of being “that asshole who came to work when he was sick and now might get me sick”, or worse, “that gross guy with the snot on his shirt.” You need to be clean, but not dressed in your best clothes; awake, but still slightly groggy; and, above all, you need to come off as though you are battling through your sickness for the greater good of the company and for that shred of human dignity that won’t let a little mucus get the best of you.
So, so far I’ve told one person “I feel better than I sound,” another person that “I feel worse than I look,” and one person told me “You sound awful.” At this point, I’m confused as to how sick I am. I’m inclined to let the sickness get the best of me, sneeze on my computer screen and get sent home. Who needs dignity anyway? I don’t think I’ve ever used it in the past, and even if I did I’m sure it didn’t work.