Apropros to my post yesterday, I’ve been filled with a curious rage recently. Kind of like road rage, but without the car. I’m not sure if everything has been going wrong or if I really did trigger some sort of chemical imbalance by laying on the beach for 8 hours a day everyday from Thursday to Sunday this past weekend, then came back to NYC to a 1000 degree apartment, a triple digit electric bill that belies the fact that I try not to overrun my air conditioner (hence 1000 degree apartment) and a work week highlighted by, on three separate occasions, one of the oldest, most annoying co-workers of all time calling in and asking me the following questions:
1. Is anyone in my office?
2. Is it raining outside?
3. What time is it?
I’m not kidding. And each time I think I blacked out for a solid ten seconds before uttering a word in response. Then, at my breaking point yesterday, said most annoying co-worker asked me to do something utterly trivial for him while I was swamped with other, more important things, leading to this exchange:
Him: "Dani-yell (the Jewish pronunciation), I hope you are working on my stuff now . . ."
Me: (typing feverishly, not looking up from my computer) "You'll get it,” said in a much louder, sterner voice than I probably intended, followed, again, by a similar wave of darkness. I really hope this isn’t doing any permanent damage.
And, as I write this, for the second time today he has asked me how to forward an email to someone. I thought the button that said “Forward” was self-explanatory. I was wrong.
So, for the sake of mental wellness, I am going to force myself to focus on the good things from the past week.
Best Insurance Coverage Ever
'Desperate Housewives' star hit by pole on TV set
Actress Eva Longoria, co-star of the ABC hit "Desperate Housewives," was struck in the head by a falling pole while filming a scene for the show on Wednesday, but was not seriously hurt, her publicist said.
The petite actress, who plays the conniving, adulterous Gabrielle Solis on the series, was taken to a nearby hospital where she was treated for a bump on the head and released, spokeswoman Liza Anderson said.
Best New Game To Play At Work
Three words: Ad – dict – ed. And while I love the game, I won’t lie to myself and say that levels 30-40 weren’t contributing factors to my feelings of rage.
Best Back-up Commentary
Most Astute Pop-Culture Query (the Sports Guy)
If Alanis Morrissette can re-release a 10-year anniversary acoustic album, what's stopping the guy who played Ray Pruit on "90210"? He carried the Peach Pit After Dark for like two years ... that wasn't as impressive as "Jagged Little Pill" selling 10 million records? Couldn't he release a "Best Of" CD called "One T Was All My Momma Could Afford?"
Email of the Week (Maybe of the Year)
From: My Mom
Subject: technology 2 mom 0
I decide to take a chance and re-register so I can comment. God help me.
The first username I pick is gimpy, no good.
The second one is reggie, no good.
The third, for the fun of it, is Klsedm, NO FUCKING GOOD (I am screaming now).
Easiest Way To Make Money Without Answering One Of The Ads On Craigslist With The Subject “Nice Feet? Make Money”
The focus group I attended on Tuesday night, where me and eight other guys discussed beer, John Stamos and the Jamaican guy from the Red Stripe commercials for a couple of hours and then got an envelope with $135 in it.
Absolutely painless. In fact, it was fun. I love beer. Of any focus group I could do, beer would have to be in my top five, along with:
- New TV shows
- Hot girls
Highest Praise I Can Give To The Apartment I Was At Least Night For A Party
The place was so friggin nice, I was compelled to wipe the rim after I was done using the toilet. And they actually had “guest” soap put out, which looked like a marble cake and smelled just as good.
It was an “industry” party for people in the theater/TV/movie industry, leading to a lot of exchanges like this:
Rich Person #1: “So what do you do?”
Me: “I’m a paralegal.”
But everyone was surprisingly genuine and nice. And my friend John (the one who was invited to said party) and I may have made the discovery of the decade (I won’t even flinch saying “decade”) – the caterers were serving the most delicious coconut shrimp we had ever had, to the point where between the two of us we probably finished an entire tray, walking from one side of the party to the other when we spied a server coming out with a new tray, paying them compliments like, “You can really taste the coconut!” and “It’s like a shrimp wrapped in a delicate cake,” as though they were the ones making the shrimp. In other words, they were a goddamn revelation.
My friend John comes to find out, in a drunken confession, that the shrimp were actually from Costco. I’ve already instructed my mom to pick up two bags for me the next time she’s there. I’m legitimately excited.
However, as good as this party was, it wasn’t . . .
Most Shameless Plug
. . . the best industry party I went to all week. That honor goes to the Novelty Organ Records cd release party I attended on Wednesday night, celebrating the release of the company’s first album, Jessica Guerrette’s “What’s One More?” Party was awesome, music was even better and, goddamn if it isn’t true, they’ve got some of the best looking talent around.