The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Tuesday, August 30

Wearing Your Stupidity On Your Wrist

A guy sitting next to me on the subway this morning was wearing one of those rubber wrist bands, and written on it was “ECUADOR.” I don’t think I get this. Is it mean to raise awareness for Ecuador? For people that might not know it is a country? Does he support Ecuador? When did these things move past the disease/warfare threshold and into a sector of advertising typically reserved for trucker hats and 3 for $5 t-shirts?

Turns out I’m naïve (not the first time). Wristbands saturated the disease market a long time ago (including blindness – the bracelet is in Braille, apparently to promote your cause to all blind people who touch your wrist) and have moved past such mundane topics as your country of origin or what idyllic virtues you support. It’s evolved into a truly special phenomenon where we are apparently trying to raise awareness for things such as:



















There hasn’t been legitimate Hulkamania in the air in 20 years. I refuse to raise awareness for a thing of the past, which is why you’ll never see me wearing a CIVIL WAR bracelet either.















If the breast cancer bracelet isn’t the right tone of pink for you, you can always support being egotistical.












I was the class of 2002. Why would I support the class of 2005? Plus they’ve been graduated for all of three months, and yet they threaten to take my job.









Too vague. What is “IT?” What if I inadvertently encourage someone to murder their fiancée or impregnate Tara Reid?

So, in an attempt to be “progressive” and “not, like, totally out of it” and contribute to society using my sociological sensibilities, I’ve come up with my own ideas for bracelets – some things I support and for which I want to raise awareness.












It’s not just a medical problem, it’s really embarrassing. People need to realize that it really sucks to have diarrhea.












A long time ago, New Hampshire was a really important state. We need to bring that back.












When there’s nothing else on TV, cooking shows are always entertaining. And they’re educational. Kids could be home watching cooking shows instead of out dealing crack, except WATCHING TV SHOWS INSTEAD OF DEALING CRACK doesn’t fit on a bracelet.












It’s free and it makes everyone happy. If that’s not worth supporting, I don’t know what is.














Pollination is a really important part of the circle of life. It’s not their fault they sting you – you’re so big and you can hurt them. They’re just trying to defend themselves. And then they die! Just for trying to live! It’s nature’s saddest story.












This is a confusing one, because you don’t want people thinking you support FAT, but you want to raise awareness that people shouldn’t be FAT. It’s not healthy, and it makes the kids in the sweatshops work a lot harder to make all those big clothes.













PEACE is too generic a term. I think we need to get specific about what we’re supporting. I support people not raping other people, that’s the kind of person I am.












Why would people do this to each other? It’s a plague on society. I won’t pick up a rifle for oil, but I’ll sure as hell pick one up for a broken promise. They’re golden.

6 Comments:

I also love this. I recently bought our 'daffodil day' (for cancer) and 'NBCF' (for breast cancer) bracelet's - at least they are supporting something, unlike the ones saying 'i am zeus' and 'dirty and proud'

keep the cause going, lol

all the best

By Blogger L'il Devil, at 11:00 PM  

[insert slow clap here]

By Blogger tall 1, at 10:03 AM  

Great blog.....loved the broken promise one

By Blogger Gigglezngrinz, at 11:13 AM  

once again you provide me with fantastic toilet reading. Where can I buy a New Hampshire bracelet?

By Blogger My Novelty Organ, at 1:40 PM  

This post is a pants-wetting good time.

By Blogger threetoedsloth, at 4:42 PM  

Dan, just classic.

By Blogger Ms. Hamilton, at 6:52 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

<\$BlogItemBacklinkCreate\$>

<< Home