I met up with The Girlfriend and some of her co-workers tonight for some good old fashioned bowling. The Girlfriend talked me up as a “great bowler” which is about as good as being talked up as being “really good at math.” Yes, I am a pretty good bowler. I went to a Catholic grade school and we didn’t have what larger schools call “sports.” We had kick line, band and bowling. So I was a star saxophonist (until my much anticipated Christmas concert solo of “Glory of Love” was derailed by a broken wrist in the 6th grade) and I was a star bowler.
I figured I could play this two ways: 1. I could play mediocre and just do the whole “Oh man, I haven’t played in a while” thing; or 2. I could embarrass everyone, mostly the people who were happy when they got a six. (Who’s satisfied with a six?) Obviously, wanting to continue dating The Girlfriend, I opted for choice number one.
Unfortunately for everyone, there was beer involved; and as soon as it proved that the rest of my team (The Girlfriend, who continually complained, “I have to go again? I just went five minutes ago!” and an ex-coworker of hers who was wearing flip-flops) wasn’t as interested in winning as I was, well it got ugly. First I suggested to The Girlfriend and a our other teammate that they lift their shirts to distract the guys on the other team. Then, after The Girlfriend rolled a gutter ball in a crucial situation, I screamed at her, “You’re on the couch tonight!” Throw in a few fist pumps, and the night was complete.
Apparently, these things embarrassed The Girlfriend. I don’t quite understand “office politics” because my co-workers are an old Jewish man who calls me into his office to ask if I know why his back hurts and a crazy elderly secretary who once told me that someone on “Survivor” was a “cunt” because she voted against the alliance. Clearly my office never got the memo on office politics.
In the end, I was bailed out by rolling a strike to win the second game and missing a spare to lose the third game – the perfect balance of “IN YO FACE” and “I’d like my girlfriend to keep her job.” But I’m left wondering: Am I a retard when it comes to acting corporate? Is this going to hold me back in life? And, most importantly, is The Girlfriend going to let me come to her office Christmas party this year? I love Christmas parties.