The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Tuesday, September 13

Gator Terrorizes Los Angeles, Gives Me Idea.

L.A.: Report of Gator Capture Is Hoax

Authorities on Tuesday dismissed a claim that a wrangler had nabbed a 7-foot-long alligator named "Reggie" from a city lake, where he had been dumped several months ago and repeatedly avoided capture.

Earlier Tuesday, a man claiming to be wrangler Jay Young, who had been hired by the city, told several media outlets, including The Associated Press, that he had caught the alligator overnight.

That story was cast into doubt when the promised delivery of the alligator to the Los Angeles Zoo never happened.

Reached by phone at his Colorado gator farm later Tuesday, Young said he has not been in Los Angeles recently and that he hadn't called the media earlier in the day. He said the caller apparently was someone impersonating him.

Young had been hired by the city last month and promised to capture the alligator within a few days. He left town on Aug. 18, unable to deliver on his promise.

Poor Jay Young. Guy makes a bold promise to catch an escaped alligator, doesn’t get the job done and leaves Los Angeles a disgraced failure – without anyone really knowing what happened or caring. Until now! Now he’s got Yahoo beat writers calling him out as a national disappointment. People are hanging around the water cooler, shaking their heads saying, “Should have called the Crocodile Hunter. He would have captured that damn beast! Not this Jay Young clown. He couldn’t catch a cold in December.”

But the story gave me an idea: I’m going to call the FBI pretending to be President Bush telling them that I captured Osama Bin Laden.

Me: “Uh, FBI? This is President Bush hehe . . . Uh, yeah I’ve got Osama Bin Laden here. That’s right, caught him hehe. Where was he? He was, uh, in a cave. Near my ranch. I was just jogging by at seven and a half mph, saw that crazy hat of his sticking out of the grass. Went over an’ corralled him myself. Sure, I’ll bring him in. As soon as I’m done with my sandwich.”

Then, when “The President” doesn’t show up with Osama, it’ll make national news. I’ll have single handedly brought back to the country’s consciousness the fact that Osama Bin Laden is still at large and the President will be a national disgrace.

This is my best idea all day.

2 Comments:

I'm starting to think the President could eat the Constitution with some fava beans and a nice chianti and not be a national disgrace. But I'll support your efforts any way I can.

By Blogger dantobindantobin, at 5:08 PM  

Seriously, as long as PB whips out his bible and reads a passage or two, all the while 'praying with them and loving them as best I can' he'll be shining in people's hearts.

Although, it did make me smile to see his ratings plummet.

By Blogger VespaRosso, at 5:32 PM  

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