The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Thursday, September 22

Not Cool Refrigerator. Not Cool.

My refrigerator is broken. Not broken like the handle fell off, broken like it doesn’t stay cold. It doesn’t refrige things.

I’ve come to realize how much I take my refrigerator for granted. Even in movies where the person has no money and lives in a shithole apartment with brown water and holes in the walls, they still have a working refrigerator. And there’s a reason for that. Because you can’t keep food without a refrigerator. And food is important.

So here I am, without a refrigerator for the past week. It’s been on a slow decline and I’ve been gradually moving food from the refrigerator to the freezer, like when everyone on the Titanic climbed to the bow of the sinking ship even though they knew they were only delaying the inevitable. I started eating as much as I could of what would eventually go bad, but there’s only so much frozen meat you can eat in a two or three day span. Even The Girlfriend couldn’t eat all the food fast enough, and she eats so fast she sometimes forgets when she’s already eaten something (e.g. Q: “Where did my other piece of chicken go?” A: “You ate it.”)

I’m angry and I’m frustrated. I feel like a good friend has let me down. And what’s more, I’m hungry. I haven’t had milk in over a week because I can’t keep it at home, and who buys milk at work? “Hey Dan, how’s it going? Whoa, what have you got there big fella? Is that a carton of milk? Welcome to the fifth grade everyone, Dan brought the milk.” (At least that’s what I would say.) Meanwhile, I can feel my bones osteoperosisizing. It’s a bad situation and, to sum up, I’m mad at my refrigerator. Mad as hell. And this is what I’m going to do about it.

The First Annual Appliance Rating

Oven: Gets hot, stays hot. Good job.

Toilet: You have clogged on me only once, and it wasn’t even because of something solid. You just got hitched up somehow (although to this day my Super doesn’t believe me.) Otherwise, you’ve been tried and tested. And you have passed.

Trash bin: You smell sometimes, even when there is nothing in you. And I don’t understand that. Then again you are a trash bin, so I guess that’s just the way you are. You’re terrific at holding trash though.

Fan: I’m a big fan.

Sink: I bought this faucet because my old faucet, designed by assholes, came up off the sink about one inch before jutting out over my already shallow sink, to the point where I couldn’t even fit my Brita pitcher under the faucet without tipping it sideways. This faucet has changed my life. I love you, faucet.

Refrigerator: I ought to bury you in the desert like Joe Pesci at the end of Casino. You are a warm refrigerator. You are nothing to me. I look down on you.


I feel better now. Well, better about the refrigerator, not better about this.


Now if only more of your posts were like this one and not about entertainment crap....and where did the football blog go? I only less dissapointed in you now.

By Blogger [Disgrundled], at 3:58 PM  

I like the entertainment crap.

But I agree this one was great, the only thing missing was a Refridgerator Perry reference.

By Blogger tall 1, at 5:05 PM  

i was already laughing at the title. reminded me of a Friends episode, "you think I don't know what breaks my fridge?!" - Joey

And, so you're a pantene user, eh?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:17 PM  

Im lovin' the camera angle with the * i look down on you* bit hehe.

By Anonymous ocB, at 5:27 PM  

Broken fridge no good. But at least you don't have to battle flying asian roaches, mice and whatever else lives in my walls. Gremlins? Jimmy Hoffa? Only time will tell.

By Blogger de Kooning's Spleen, at 8:23 PM  

"Refrige" that a word? If it isn't, it should be.

By Blogger BeckEye, at 12:05 AM  

Nice faucet ;) *dodgy wink*

By Blogger Kate, at 1:36 AM  

That's probably what will go in my place next as the owner has replaced everything else already lol...I'm just surprised yours hasn't been replaced yet :/ What'cha waiting on?

By Blogger Blueyes, at 10:13 AM  

Refridgerator : "No fair Master!! I have served you well for long! How could you... how could-" *wails*


Poor refridgerator.

By Anonymous shopGirl, at 2:01 AM  

I understand you because the same happened to me, and it is frustrating because we really need a refrigerator. I recommend you to get a brand new one.

By Anonymous viagra online, at 8:40 AM  

Definitely uncool, I'd imagine. Lots of foodstuffs depend upon a ref: nearly all fruits and vegetables, and all kinds of meat. Hope your provisions are all in one piece, seeing how they're tough to preserve and maintain. I really don't skimp on scrutinizing the components and detail of my appliance, and this is among the main reasons why.

By Blogger Tanner Torchia, at 4:20 PM  

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