The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Wednesday, September 7

Plumbing, Prostituting Paris Hilton and Poor Gilligan (And Alliteration)

I’ve been shying away from the news lately (even my beloved Yahoo headlines) because there’s only so many articles you can read about the tragedy in the Gulf Coast before you get that helpless feeling that says, “I’d donate a million dollars if I had it, but I bought a hotdog today for lunch because I didn’t have money for a sandwich.”

But then I stumbled across this article over the weekend, and my spirits were buoyed. It’s nice to know that in the city The Girlfriend and I had such a wonderful time in only a few short weeks ago, there were still elements of what made it so great. (Not to mention that the bar designated “home base” in the story was none other than the historic Johnny White’s where The Girlfriend and I had our first meal when we arrived from the airport.)

So here are a few stories that caught my eye as I started reading this "news" stuff again:

Barbara Bush: It's Good Enough for the Poor

Commenting on the facilities that have been set up for the evacuees -- cots crammed side-by-side in a huge stadium where the lights never go out and the sound of sobbing children never completely ceases -- former First Lady Barbara Bush concluded that the poor people of New Orleans had lucked out.

"Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this, this is working very well for them," Mrs. Bush told American Public Media's "Marketplace" program.

Later, she commented, “Honestly, I don’t understand. Why don’t these people just get a plumber?” at which point President Bush blurted out, “I know, Mom! I was thinking the same thing!”

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Drunk woman dies in cemetery accident

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - An inebriated Belgian woman died in a freak accident when she ended up beneath a heavy grave stone at a cemetery, local news agency Belga said Wednesday.

But she urgently needed to relieve herself and crouched down between two gravestones. As she lost her balance, she grabbed one of the stones which gave way and landed on top of her.

I’m thinking of adapting this into a novel called “Death by Irony.” It won’t be a very long novel – but it’ll have a great title.

________________________

And in this story is a list of celebrities who have donated to the cause, either their money or themselves – as in the case of Paris Hilton and Colin Farrell who auctioned off dates with themselves.

The winning bid for a date with Paris Hilton on New Years Eve was $200,000, which immediately raised three questions in my head:

1. Did the auctioneer have to clearly specify that Paris is strictly “a companion” like they do in all the escort service ads for legal reasons?

2. What kind of insurance policy does this come with?

3. What are the odds that the winning bid would have topped out at $500 if Paris’ two sex tapes hadn’t spread around the internet like herpes in a freshman college dorm?

And how about this: On an absurdity scale of 1 – 10, where does it rank if Paris Hilton were to get pregnant by her New Years Eve date, who won her in an auction to raise money for the Hurricane Katrina Relief fund? Like a 15? And then the baby grew up on a “Truman Show”-like all access reality TV show called “The F’ed Up Life”? (And don’t even tell me that all of this sounds out of the realm of possibility.)

Conversely, a date with Colin Farrell went for a measly $10,000. Probably because he’d already slept with three quarters of the women at the function.

________________________

And finally: Gilligan has made his final voyage out to see. Goodnight Little Buddy.

6 Comments:

so the deal with gilligan--my real first name (it's not Vespa, people) shares the double middle consonant with 'gilligan'. and the 'an' at the and. well, also the 'i' on either side of the double 'l''s, but other than that, my name is NOTHING like gilligan, but those heinous kids all through middle school insisted on calling me that. one kid even wrote in my yearbook "_____, A Three Hour Tour. --MeanKid" Can you believe that? Anyways...

Speaking of nasty celebs, have ya'll seen Britney lately? woah...does anyone else find it ridiculous that that Federline nastiness has unleashed three of his spawn into the world?

By Blogger VespaRosso, at 8:49 PM  

Also, per your comment, my favorite Angus episode was the one with the flashback showing how little Ang' was saving an eagle or pigeon, or some kind of fowl, and one of his friends got shot or something and he pulled his first "MacGuyver" saving him with a twig and his shoelace, thus explaining his lifelong hatred of all firearms.

or that one episode that was like 3-shows long and involved that scepter and the light hit it a certain way showing him the path to the next piece of the mystery.

or something like that...my memory's a little foggy, i haven't actually watched the show in 5 or 6 years, TV is ghetto down here in dixieland and it's not syndicated (I also don't have cable, but that's a whole other issue...)

By Blogger VespaRosso, at 9:51 PM  

It's too bad Barbara Bush made that stupid statment. She was the only Bush family member that I really liked. OK, Laura seems friendly. I wouldn't mind having a cup of coffee with her or a 2-day fling.

By Blogger Neil, at 11:51 AM  

Alliteration always makes me smile...

I wonder if you get one of those candid ride shots on the Paris date as a souvenir, like they do on the rides at an amusement park?

By Blogger Anonymous City Girl, at 3:29 PM  

Who would have thought this post could generate so many varied sexually charged responses - a quickie with Bab's Bush, a Great Adventure shot with Paris and, what I can only assume is a sexual reference to vesparosso being a "three hour tour?" Or am I stretching it there?

And in the episode in question where MacGyver tries (unsuccessfully) to save his friend after he is accidentially shot, he actually takes apart his bike and reconstructs it into a rolling gurney to carry his friend from the woods. Just a different breed of man he was.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 4:25 PM  

Beliggerent: nooo! despite how prone I am to sexually charged responses, that's referring to the theme song..."Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of a fateful trip....Five passengers set sail that day,
for a three hour tour, a three hour tour………" Although, I always kinda had a hunch that something was going on with The Professor and the Rich Guy.

Oh wow. i forgot about the makeshift gurney.

By Blogger VespaRosso, at 5:38 PM  

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