I’ve been shying away from the news lately (even my beloved Yahoo headlines) because there’s only so many articles you can read about the tragedy in the Gulf Coast before you get that helpless feeling that says, “I’d donate a million dollars if I had it, but I bought a hotdog today for lunch because I didn’t have money for a sandwich.”
But then I stumbled across this article over the weekend, and my spirits were buoyed. It’s nice to know that in the city The Girlfriend and I had such a wonderful time in only a few short weeks ago, there were still elements of what made it so great. (Not to mention that the bar designated “home base” in the story was none other than the historic Johnny White’s where The Girlfriend and I had our first meal when we arrived from the airport.)
So here are a few stories that caught my eye as I started reading this "news" stuff again:
Commenting on the facilities that have been set up for the evacuees -- cots crammed side-by-side in a huge stadium where the lights never go out and the sound of sobbing children never completely ceases -- former First Lady Barbara Bush concluded that the poor people of New Orleans had lucked out.
"Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this, this is working very well for them," Mrs. Bush told American Public Media's "Marketplace" program.
Later, she commented, “Honestly, I don’t understand. Why don’t these people just get a plumber?” at which point President Bush blurted out, “I know, Mom! I was thinking the same thing!”
BRUSSELS (Reuters) - An inebriated Belgian woman died in a freak accident when she ended up beneath a heavy grave stone at a cemetery, local news agency Belga said Wednesday.
But she urgently needed to relieve herself and crouched down between two gravestones. As she lost her balance, she grabbed one of the stones which gave way and landed on top of her.
I’m thinking of adapting this into a novel called “Death by Irony.” It won’t be a very long novel – but it’ll have a great title.
And in this story is a list of celebrities who have donated to the cause, either their money or themselves – as in the case of Paris Hilton and Colin Farrell who auctioned off dates with themselves.
The winning bid for a date with Paris Hilton on New Years Eve was $200,000, which immediately raised three questions in my head:
1. Did the auctioneer have to clearly specify that Paris is strictly “a companion” like they do in all the escort service ads for legal reasons?
2. What kind of insurance policy does this come with?
3. What are the odds that the winning bid would have topped out at $500 if Paris’ two sex tapes hadn’t spread around the internet like herpes in a freshman college dorm?
And how about this: On an absurdity scale of 1 – 10, where does it rank if Paris Hilton were to get pregnant by her New Years Eve date, who won her in an auction to raise money for the Hurricane Katrina Relief fund? Like a 15? And then the baby grew up on a “Truman Show”-like all access reality TV show called “The F’ed Up Life”? (And don’t even tell me that all of this sounds out of the realm of possibility.)
Conversely, a date with Colin Farrell went for a measly $10,000. Probably because he’d already slept with three quarters of the women at the function.
And finally: Gilligan has made his final voyage out to see. Goodnight Little Buddy.