The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Thursday, October 20

Being Nice May Finally Be Worth It

Genius advertising campaign.

Here’s how it works: Ricola has a “mystery cougher” touring around the country, coughing wherever he or she goes. If you offer the mystery cougher a Ricola to alleviate his or her scratchy throat, you win! The Mystery Cougher will offer you 50 envelopes to choose from containing checks ranging from $1,000 to $1,000,000.

The brilliance of this is manifold. First, it would be HILARIOUS to see someone rushing through a crowded subway station or a restaurant offering everyone who coughed a Ricola. What are the chances that someone gets beat up doing this? 10:1? 5:1? Hilarious. Second, I want TWO people in the same place rushing around offering everyone a Ricola, shoving each other out of the way to be the first one to offer the lozenge. Third, I want to see someone run up to a Spanish person who just coughed and offer them a Ricola, only to have the Spanish person make a gesture that they don’t understand and have the person FLIP OUT screaming, “How do you say, ‘Would you like a Ricola?’ in Spanish. HOW DO YOU SAY IT!” My head is spinning over this.

I heard on the radio this morning that the Mystery Cougher was in New York City today, so I signed up at the website. Then I read the official rules and the Frequently Asked Questions, which included the following gems:

I offered a Ricola to a person coughing but did not win.

You need to offer a Ricola to the official Ricola Mystery Cougher. If you offered someone a Ricola and they weren't the official Ricola Mystery Cougher you can still feel good that you did something nice.

What if I give the Mystery Cougher a Ricola at the same time as someone else?

It will be up to our official judges to determine who the first person to offer the Mystery Cougher a Ricola cough drop was. See the official rules for more details.

Fourth, I want to see two people offer a Ricola to a the Mystery Cougher at the same time and then have an official judge jump out of his hiding place and declare the proper winner. Seriously, I’m giddy over this.

UPDATE: I just received my first official clue by email:

This week, you could catch the Mystery Cougher reading a book at the library. Does he like a good mystery, or is she inspired by something a little more romantic?

A library? This is the best place to send someone to cough all day? Unbelievable . . .

But what’s even more unbelievable is that had I not woken up at just the right second to my clock radio this morning, I wouldn’t have heard a single word about this promotion. I can only assume that the majority of the people across the country didn’t hear about it, meaning that there is some poor person sitting in a library all day today coughing his brains out while the people around him think to themselves, “I wish this asshole would get a fucking Ricola or something.”


What if you offer the Mystery Cougher a Halls?

Do they take out a knife and stab you?

By Blogger tall 1, at 12:35 PM  

mayhem spreads across the country! makes sense, though, people are always coughing in libraries. i think it's the musty book smell.

By Blogger Sub Girl, at 1:45 PM  

Other cough drop companies should create competing mysery would never know which to offer..."Halls? Ricola? Sucrets? Glass of Robitussin? Dammit! WHICH ONE ARE YOU!!!"

By Blogger The Bourbon Samurai, at 1:56 PM  

Sorry to spoil the mystery, but I already encountered this cougher at my gym last night.

She got on the treadmill next to me and hacked her head off while I was running. I proceded to give her dirty looks for spreading her disease, but it was hard to turn my head enough to be effective without falling off the track. Finally, I gave a VERY AUDIBLE sigh and moved to the ellipticals two floors up. But Hacky McHack wasn't far behind - she followed me and of course, chose the elliptical right beside me, spewing germy airborne particles everywhere.

Needless to say I punched her right in the neck. If only I'd offered her a Ricola...we would be rich. Well, I would be rich and I would pay you for odd jobs, housekeeping, etc.

By Blogger T.G., at 3:07 PM  

I choked on a piece of cookie when I read, "Needless to say I punched her right in the neck."

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 3:24 PM  

Today I was in Starbucks, still nursing a bit of a cold, and I started coughing. Some well-dressed gentleman came over and offered my a Smith Brothers cough drop. I took one look at him and said, "Are you a complete idiot? What if I were the mystery cougher? You could have just lost a million dollars? I don't want to take a cough drop from someone so stupid and unaware of the latest cough drop promotions." So, he left and I went back to my coughing.

By Anonymous Neil, at 3:31 PM  

I already used Ricola and I can say it works perfectly. At first I thought it didn't have sense, but after a ferw time my opinion change radically and now I can recommend it.

By Anonymous Generic Viagra, at 12:01 PM  

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