The Daily Dump

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Friday, October 28

New York Smells Good, Citizens Alarmed



The Girlfriend and I got home late last night and as we were getting ready for bed I asked her, “Why do I keep smelling syrup? It smells like waffles . . . and syrup.”

She had actually fallen asleep by the time I was done with the sentence, but I was positive that I was smelling syrup. I checked my own bottle of syrup in my refrigerator to make sure it didn’t spill. It was intact. The smell was, for once, not coming from my refrigerator.

Then I wake up this morning to Pat “the Man” Kiernan on NY1 actually reporting that many New York residents called in reports (?) of smelling maple syrup all across the city last night. I don’t know exactly how you go about calling in a report of smelling maple syrup, at least not without coming across as a major jackass. I mean, do you call 9-1-1?

Operator: “9-1-1 operator, what is your emergency?”

Crazed citizen: “IT SMELLS LIKE SYRUP! LIKE FUCKING MAPLE SYRUP!”

Operator: “Sir, I’m going to need you to calm down. Tell me what your emergency is.”

Crazed citizen: “WHERE IS IT COMING FROM?! I CAN’T STAND IT! IT’S LIKE FUCKING WAFFLES, FUCKING EGGO WAFFLES AND SYRUP!”

In any event, they still have no idea where the smell was coming from; but this was a citywide phenomenon. From Brooklyn Heights to Harlem, people claiming to smell syrup or a caramel latte or burnt sugar, raising the obvious question, “Why not just say syrup? You just have to be different?”

I can only hope that it’s not some sort of new terrorist technique whereby mercenary forces unleash a pungent yet pleasant odor across the city causing panic and alarm, jamming up the 3-1-1 line and, worst of all, forcing us all to wake up the next day to a city that no longer smells like confections but instead it’s usual urinal/car exhaust musk. This plus the impending day light savings clock change will have us depressed to the point of submission.

I fear what might smell might come next – Patchouli? Vanilla? A good red sauce? Oh the horror . . .


16 Comments:

*shaking my head, looking bemused*

Your so silly b.i.=p

T.G.I.F.


-r.a.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:44 PM  

My neighborhood always smells like a bull's chote, but that is because I have two centuries worth of industrial waste sitting under my apartment building. However, I too smelt the syrup and assumed they had a spill at the Domino Sugar Factory in Williamsburg?

By Blogger de Kooning's Spleen, at 12:47 PM  

A sugar factory spill? Is that even dangerous?

If that's the case, they should turn it into a Halloween promotion. Kids can come to trick-or-treat at the factory and just take a handful of sugar from a pile out in the parking lot.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 12:55 PM  

Maybe several IHOPs caught on fire all at once. Wait do you have those in NYC?

By Blogger Momentary Academic, at 1:08 PM  

We have one. It's in Harlem. We don't go there.

By Blogger T.G., at 1:22 PM  

Don't go there! uh huh...That's right.

By Blogger [Disgrundled], at 1:34 PM  

Actually, if you search google news, there was a news story yesterday about the State of Vermont suing companies that use the phrase "real Vermont maple syrup" when it is being processed in the Bronx.

By Blogger Neil, at 3:17 PM  

for real? this is hilarious. how do you "report" that the city smells like syrup? People will find anything to complain about.

By Blogger Hope, at 3:47 PM  

I just spit latte all over my computer from laughing. that 911 conversation is too funny.

***

ok, this is the THIRD time I'm trying to post this comment. these damn word verifications make me feel like an idiot.

By Blogger Lizzie, at 4:42 PM  

t.g., speak for yourself. IHOP is a celebrated fixture in my weekend itinerary.

By Blogger Angelina, at 12:59 AM  

We don't go there because it's in Harlem and we'll get shot and/or raped. Instead, we go to IHOP-esque diners in safe neighborhoods.

By Blogger T.G., at 9:00 AM  

TG - stop spreading the mythology that Harlem is a super unsafe neighborhood on the whole. I live not far from the IHOP and I've never once felt unsafe in my neighborhood - regardless of the hour. That said, I've got a hankering to get some pancakes...

By Anonymous m, at 1:41 PM  

One morning, my sister and I came downstairs and both commented separately to a parent that we had felt something like an earthquake at 7:00 am or so. (We live in northern Jersey.) Each parents laughed at us. Then, on the news that night, Roz Abrams told us a small earthquake hit upstate New York and could be felt in northern Jersey. My sister and I literally did a "We were right!" dance. Sad, but true.

By Blogger RetroDragon, at 4:58 PM  

m - Stop spreading the mythology that this blog isn't about SARCASM.

By Blogger T.G., at 11:12 PM  

so here's a great story about phone calls to the "man" no 911, but the FBI is involved.

Enjoy


http://fitzthetoad.blogspot.com/2005/10/butch-must-die.html

By Blogger Linda, at 8:18 PM  

Such a great a article which they still have no idea where the smell was coming from; but this was a citywide phenomenon. From Brooklyn Heights to Harlem, people claiming to smell syrup or a caramel latte or burnt sugar, raising the obvious question. Thanks for sharing this article.

By Anonymous Natalie, at 8:56 AM  

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