The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Tuesday, October 25

Shania Twain Says I Have HBO Right Where I Want Them


(click to enlarge)

To quote the great Shania Twain:

Looks like we’ve made it,
Look how far we’ve come my baby.
Might of took the long way,
But you know we’d get there someday.

Muddling in the swamp of obscurity, I’ve finally made it to the big time. I’ve made it to HBO. And anyone will tell you (except for the cast of “The Wire”) that once you make it to HBO, you’re golden. The only question now is, “How do I make money off this?” I’ve got a catch phrase from one of their hottest shows trapped in the smothering embrace of my blog. What are they going to do about it?

My friend James suggests I pitch it to them to make it part of the show with this dialogue:

"Yo Vince, you see this shit some jack ass back home wrote on his blag."

"What's a blag, Turtle?"

"Fuck you Drama, it’s like for writing and shit."

"Guys, guys, no worries I just won the lotto and we are buying a Chinese whore house full of virgins."

"I don't know Vince, seems risky…"

"Fuck you E, who elected you asshole in charge?"

"Fuck you, Turtle."

And that’s pretty much the only idea anyone has come up with yet, probably because it is a really lame situation with no real possibility for benefit and no valid reason to be excited.

But it did get me looking more at the search terms that led people to my site. One glance and you would immediately think that I was running a deviant porn/problem solving website. And then you remember that the name of the site if The Daily Dump and it all makes sense.

Here are a few of my favorites:

New York turtle donation

I feel bad for this person. I mean, all they’re trying to do is find a humane way to get rid of all their extra turtles. (Which raises the question: Who sees “The Daily Dump” and thinks, “They seem like a reputable place to get information on turtle donation.”)

Sexually unsatisfied housewives operating as prostitutes

Two things immediately come to mind:

1. I have NO idea how this one came back to me; and
2. Well don’t make me write it.

refrigerator not cooling well

The funny part is that I typed in almost the exact same search when my refrigerator first started crapping out on me. And I can tell you, my post was about as helpful as anything else you’ll find.

"how to beat a paternity test"

This is my absolute favorite. Do you realize what this means? This means that there is something like a 70% chance that a NBA player has read my blog. That’s awesome.

12 Comments:

"The Wire" is actually a pretty good show...I think maybe that joke was looking for the cast of "Arliss"?

By Blogger tall 1, at 3:14 PM  

"The Wire" is a very good show, you just need to follow it closely. You should have used "The Comeback" for your attempt at humor.

By Blogger The Voice of Frivolity, at 3:39 PM  

Based on the Google and MSN searches that turn up my blog, I'm pretty sure that most of the people who read it are registered sex offenders as well as your typical assortment of perverts.

By Blogger Rabbit, at 3:45 PM  

OK, my point was that the cast of "The Wire," though it is a very good show, is virtually unknown. You would think that having a critically acclaimed show on HBO would lead to a little fame for the actors. But can't you just see the lead actor in "The Wire" getting stopped at the security booth outside the HBO studios every day having to show his ID badge?

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 3:46 PM  

Point taken. But I doubt a guard would dare stop McNulty. Especially if he's been drinking.

By Blogger The Voice of Frivolity, at 4:09 PM  

After reading this post again, it made me wonder why we wasted our time hating on Dan for The Wire knock...

...when he quoted a Shania Twain Song!!!

What's the next post? Man, My Blog Feels Like a Woman?

By Blogger tall 1, at 4:25 PM  

Have you bought a new refrigerator yet?

By Anonymous Neil, at 4:30 PM  

hahaha @ tall 1

-nonymous

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:49 PM  

I love looking at the search words people use to end up at my blog. So far my favorites are "renaissance fair boobs" and "butt crack."

Yeah, I'm classy.

By Blogger Lizzie, at 7:50 PM  

I came up in a blog search for "had to pee" cockroach. I hold the number one spot for that.

Try not to be jealous.

Sorry about Brooklyn. Does it come of in the shower?

By Blogger number4of5, at 10:45 PM  

Hilarious concepts and Google searches. I can do the same from one of my other sites. It's freaking ridiculous sometimes.

By Blogger Silent All These Years, at 9:38 AM  

"The Wire" backlash is pretty amusing here. I like the Entourage dialogue.

By Blogger The Assimilated Negro, at 8:56 PM  

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