(click to enlarge)
To quote the great Shania Twain:
“Looks like we’ve made it,
Look how far we’ve come my baby.
Might of took the long way,
But you know we’d get there someday.”
Muddling in the swamp of obscurity, I’ve finally made it to the big time. I’ve made it to HBO. And anyone will tell you (except for the cast of “The Wire”) that once you make it to HBO, you’re golden. The only question now is, “How do I make money off this?” I’ve got a catch phrase from one of their hottest shows trapped in the smothering embrace of my blog. What are they going to do about it?
My friend James suggests I pitch it to them to make it part of the show with this dialogue:
"Yo Vince, you see this shit some jack ass back home wrote on his blag."
"What's a blag, Turtle?"
"Fuck you Drama, it’s like for writing and shit."
"Guys, guys, no worries I just won the lotto and we are buying a Chinese whore house full of virgins."
"I don't know Vince, seems risky…"
"Fuck you E, who elected you asshole in charge?"
"Fuck you, Turtle."
And that’s pretty much the only idea anyone has come up with yet, probably because it is a really lame situation with no real possibility for benefit and no valid reason to be excited.
But it did get me looking more at the search terms that led people to my site. One glance and you would immediately think that I was running a deviant porn/problem solving website. And then you remember that the name of the site if The Daily Dump and it all makes sense.
Here are a few of my favorites:
New York turtle donation
I feel bad for this person. I mean, all they’re trying to do is find a humane way to get rid of all their extra turtles. (Which raises the question: Who sees “The Daily Dump” and thinks, “They seem like a reputable place to get information on turtle donation.”)
Sexually unsatisfied housewives operating as prostitutes
Two things immediately come to mind:
1. I have NO idea how this one came back to me; and
2. Well don’t make me write it.
refrigerator not cooling well
The funny part is that I typed in almost the exact same search when my refrigerator first started crapping out on me. And I can tell you, my post was about as helpful as anything else you’ll find.
"how to beat a paternity test"
This is my absolute favorite. Do you realize what this means? This means that there is something like a 70% chance that a NBA player has read my blog. That’s awesome.