The Daily Dump

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Wednesday, October 26

Who Are You, Clown Face?

MEMO TO THE CLOWN FACED GIRL WHO IS STALKING ME IN NEW YORK’S UNDERGROUND TRANSIT SYSTEM

There are over 8 million people in New York City. I once read that if everyone in New York went out on the street at once, we would have to stack up six high just to fit. And yet you . . . you.

Since last summer, when I first say you at the 86th Street subway stop, I have seen you no less that 15 times. On different trains, in different subway stations, on the street, even at the GAP. How is this possible? When I was in high school, I would plan my day around walking past Trisha Bailey’s locker in hopes of seeing her. We were trapped together in a brick building for eight hours a day, yet I saw her less than I see you.

I first noticed you in the spring of ’04. You were at the 86th Street subway stop, waiting for the train. I immediately observed two things about you. One, you were dressed in prefect business sexual™ attire: knee length skirt, black boots, low cut tank top, but in a pastel color so it’s not too much. Two, you were wearing an unreasonable amount of make-up. I thought nothing of it at the time, but when I saw you there again a few weeks later, I became curious. And you because Clown Face.

I thought once I moved from the neighborhood and started taking the 77th Street local train instead, I would never see you again. But then, not more than a month after the last time I saw you, I board the train at 77th Street and who is sitting in front of me but you! Clown Face! On a different train, on MY train! BUT WHY?! Did you move too? Did you find out that I moved and switch trains to be with me? Are you in love with me, Clown Face?

I know very little about you. I know that you work in a major financial institution, because somewhere around our 7th run-in I noticed the bag you were carrying with the name on it. I know that you have a blue iPod mini. I know that you read the New Yorker. And I know that somewhere down the line, someone from Nassau county showed you how to put on make-up. Which is a shame, because I think underneath those layers you might resemble Jennifer Aniston. But I will never know . . . OR WILL I?

Yesterday, I saw you on the train home from Wall St. We ignored each other, like usual. That coy game we play. But this time, you exited the train at 77th Street with me. YOU DON’T LIVE HERE, CLOWN FACE! WHY DID YOU GET OFF THE TRAIN? Maybe you moved into the neighborhood, maybe you merely wanted to see where I live. I think I gave you the slip at the fruit stand on 3rd Ave. I never looked back. I can’t look back . . .

I fear that at some point in the future you will want our relationship to escalate, Clown Face. I am in a happy, committed relationship. I need you to know that I will not be seduced. I will not bite at your business sexual™ bait. It’s not going to happen, Clown Face! Maybe in another time, in another place, I could have wiped that make-up from your face and we could have been happy together, reading the New Yorker and listening to our iPods. But fate has a weird way of working. And in this city of 8 million, fate made a mistake this time by bringing us together. I’m sorry, Clown Face.

21 Comments:

B.I.

I can't help but be intrigued by your blog...you are a mess!

Hahaha!!! =p <--p.s. sorry but I can't help myself!!! ;)


-r.a.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:52 PM  

$10 says anonymous is Clown Face

@#%;[\|!=\,b

By Blogger The Voice of Frivolity, at 1:13 PM  

$20 says I'm not, but thanks! =p

@#$*&!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:22 PM  

Are you sure that she really exists and this isn't a fantasy image of YOUR alter-ego, dressed as a woman? Have you seen "A Beautiful Mind" yet?

By Blogger Neil, at 1:27 PM  

Maybe it's T.G. spying on you....and maybe T.G. is anonymous trying to get into your next Top Quotes post? Maybe Mrs. Murphy wants to kill the voice of frivolity....maybe clown face and you are both stalking the same person...maybe that person is me! We should be together.

By Blogger [Disgrundled], at 1:32 PM  

If C.F. turned out to be interested in women only, would that change things for you?

Or what if C.F. was actually chasing someone else (who is also chasing you)?

By Blogger Momentary Academic, at 1:48 PM  

I guess if she were a lesbian, we could be friends. She seems to have a nice personality. Unless that's just the make-up talking.

And there's no way it's my alter ego. Even in my subconscious' waking terrors I know how much blush is too much.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 1:55 PM  

You're in a committed relationship and you've led me on like this for months?! I can't believe I moved to that rat-infested apartment above the Gristedes on 3rd just so we could still be on the same train.

Douchebag.

-CF

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:56 PM  

Speaking of being stalked, last year I kept getting these weird phone calls from the same number and yet no one would be on the other end -- and they'd call multiple times a day. I finally called the police to see what I should do and it turns out? I was being stalked by the Fraternal Order of Police. Or at least by their autodialing thing.

I think Clown Face is stalking you. It'd be a little too coincidental otherwise. I thinkyou should talk to her.

By Blogger Amber, at 3:30 PM  

are others able to see this "clown face," or is it just you...?

By Blogger Sub Girl, at 3:31 PM  

I don't know if "business sexual" is last year's humor, but I find it apt, hilarious, and a little too close to home. Grazie.

By Blogger Megarita, at 3:40 PM  

Hey-at least its not someone calling you and masturbating at 4 in the morning on a weekly basis for six months from an anonymous number. I finally had to have my number changed! I don't know why anyone would think that was hot.

By Blogger Betty, at 3:43 PM  

I'd give you a prize if I had one, Megarita. I coined it and friggin trademarked it! And it took this long for someone to comment on it. I would have lost sleep tonight if no one had. Thank you.

p.s. This is not my best moment.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 3:44 PM  

Betty whats your new number?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:14 PM  

The trademark actually threw me off. It made me think I should have already known what it was and to admit otherwise would make me stupid.....it's oddly similar to how I feel right now, not knowing whether you actually trademarked it or if it's a joke.

By Blogger [Disgrundled], at 4:48 PM  

Yeah, I guess my makeup skills aren't as bad as you think: I'm a guy!! Fooled you, didn't I?

--Clown Bod

By Blogger wunelle, at 5:24 PM  

OK, clown makeup...got it. But the hair...what about the hair? Does she have big hair--like the Melanie Griffith Staten Island pre-hostile takeover Working Girl hair or what?

By Blogger elvira black, at 1:00 AM  

She does have voluminous hair. But more in the Pantene way than in the 80's way.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 10:14 AM  

I don't know how you've gone this long without talking to her. If you started talking to her it would make great subject matter for future blogs.

Thanks for commenting on my site!

By Blogger Hope, at 12:10 PM  

Maybe she's lonely. Maybe she's got one of those little clown cars and no one to carpool with. But there's the subway. All those people! Taking the subway helps her imagine what it would be like to fill the void in her heart . . . and clown car.

And that, my friend, is hard evidence that I've got to stop working 10 hour days.

By Blogger Rabbit, at 8:21 PM  

"My, my, how true is true?"screams shopGirl.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:49 AM  

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