Surpassing even Time Warner Cable, my nemesis for the past three years, FOX Networks just catapulted themselves to #1 by announcing that they will be canceling “Arrested Development.” Let’s just say that there are two shows that I refuse to watch on Tivo and always watch at the time they are aired. One is “Lost,” mainly because the risk of spoilers is too high if you go a day, or a few hours, before watching it. And the other is “Arrested Development,” for no other reason than I look forward to actually laughing out loud so much that I couldn’t possibly put off watching it.
I can’t describe the pain of having them cancel “Arrested Development.” I’ll admit, I didn’t watch it from the start. I tuned in halfway through last season and immediately became addicted. It got to the point where I was nervous every week right before the episode aired fearing that they couldn’t possibly keep the show as funny as it was week after week. Yet they did.
It feels like the time I found out that Pepperidge Farms stopped making their regular sized chocolate chip cookies, or the time read my college girlfriend’s email and found out that she slept with someone else, or the time the doctor told me that my left testicle would always be bigger than my right one. It’s hard. It’s more than hard.
Now I have to go write a couple of letters. One to FOX telling them that their families aren’t safe and one to F/X begging and pleading with them to buy “Arrested Development” and immediately become the best network cable channel in the world. I encourage all my readers to write letters too. With a unified effort, we can overwhelm them with at least 100 letters. It’ll take them at least 45 minutes to read them all. And for those 45 minutes they can contemplate the sadness they’ve inflicted on the world. I just hope it’s before lunch, so, you know, it ruins their lunch.