The Daily Dump

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Monday, November 14

Top Five 80’s Sitcom Daughters Crushes: Part 1

I had a great weekend, I think. Unfortunately after my rocking birthday party (shared with my friend Matt, who’s birthday is tomorrow, holla) on Friday night, I came home and, still enraged at the cancellation of “Arrested Development,” decided that 3:00 in the morning was a good time to write my letter to FOX. So combine seven vodka tonics, mind-numbing rage and my decision to write the letter in my own blood, and well that’s a sure-fire recipe for a black out. (A tip to my readers: When attempting to write a threatening letter in your own blood, keep it short. You’d be surprised how much blood it takes for a 150 word note.)

The letter came out pretty good. At first I tried bleeping out all the curses, a creative nod to the show, but that got tedious and confusing because “I’m going to shoot you in your [bleeping] [bleep]” leaves too much to the imagination if you ask me. Ass? Balls? Where am I going to shoot you? I like to make my threats specific. It’s a proven fact that specific threats are more effective. Telling someone you’re going to kill them isn’t nearly as terrifying as telling them that you are going to stab them in the ear canal. I would believe someone if they told me they were going to stab me in the ear canal.

But enough of this negative talk. It’s not a good way to start a week and, logistically, it’s certainly not a good idea to write on your blog about anonymous death threats you send people. What I’ve decided to do is, in between watching my ‘Arrested Development” DVDs and crying into my pillow crocheted with “My goal in life is to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am,” to distract myself with good thoughts and fun posts. Hence, this week will be dedicated to “Good Thoughts and Fun Posts.” And I can’t think of anything more fun than staying home from work, eating macaroni and cheese and watching hours of Dawson’s Creek and Girls Gone Wild videos.

Being that I can’t really do that, nor would that make for entertaining reading here, instead I’m going to expound on an idea I threw out a few days ago: My Top Five List Of 80’s Sitcom Daughter Crushes. I hastily threw out five off the top of my head that day, and I have to apologize for that. It was irresponsible of me. Something as important as this deserves a full treatment; so that’s exactly what I am going to give it. Let’s just say that I did only three things yesterday: 1. watched football, 2. ate, 3. researched 80’s sitcom daughters. (Flash over to scene of The Girlfriend shaking her head, logging into Jdate.)

(Note before I start: I know I’m writing about girls who were between the ages of 12 and 15 when they were on these shows, and yes I’m 26 years old now so I see how you might find this “creepy” or “revolting.” But remember that I was the same age as these girls when I liked them back in the 80’s. Just like it’s not gross when it’s two kids making shadow puppets in a closet, it’s not gross when it’s a memory. Unless you’re a Mormon, then it’s always gross. Or unless it’s Punky Brewster. I lost sleep over Punky Brewster being in the running for this list because I KNEW that the only reason I even considered her is because she has since grown into quite the woman – meaning that I was ignoring my original opinion on her (not cute, annoying) in favor of my present day one (want to see topless). In the end, I couldn’t compromise my integrity like that.*)

Anyway, since there are five days in a week, I figure it will work well to cover one girl a day starting with #5 today and culminating with #1 on Friday. And if this isn’t the kind of topic that you enjoy, you can piss off. This is my blog. Go read someone else’s this week. (I’m kidding, I’m ALWAYS kidding when I write that. Please, read mine.)

This was my original, off-the-cuff list:

#5 Tracy Wells (“Mr. Belvedere”)
#4 Dana Plato (“Different Strokes”)
#3 Ari “Underdog” Meyers (“Kate and Ally”)
#2 Justine Bateman (“Family Ties”)
#1 Nicole Eggert (“Charles in Charge”)

Not a bad list, but I wouldn’t take it on a book tour. I mean, my exclusion of Alyssa Milano is borderline criminal. If I had known what stalking was when I was 11, I probably would have tried it out on Alyssa Milano. So I’ve got to make a few adjustments. I won’t lie and say that Nicole Eggert won’t still be #1 come Friday, because there is no way anyone is unseating Nicole Eggert. But some of the other names on the list changed.

Without further ado, I give you my new and improved #5:

#5 Maureen Flannigan “Out of This World”

Bumping Tracy Wells from the list is the part-alien / part-hottie who played Evie on the sitcome “Out of This World.” You may remember her as the girl who talked to Burt Reynolds (her alien father) through a crystal in her room.

She was also the girl who froze time by touching the tips of her index fingers together and had the ability to “gleep” objects into existence. I think she did this with a pronounced blink of her eyes. That’s the only rational explanation of the abundance of pictures available of Evie with her eyes closed.

Despite her unfortunate wardrobe, I still remember thinking that somewhere, in a universe much different than ours, Evie and I could have been happy together. Not just because of her blond ponytail but because her
extraterrestrial powers would make house chores so easy. I pictured us in a house on the shore, gleeped into existence, with every Lego set known to man and whenever we invited our friends over Evie would freeze time when someone went to the bathroom always resulting in a funny shared moment between us.

But in the end, she still came from a broken, multi-racial family and lacked the spunkiness I preferred in other leading ladies. Plus the show wasn’t that good.

That’s Evie. #5.

A word of warning: If you decide to do further independent research on Maureen Flannigan, know that she apparently did a movie with Scott Wolf in the 90’s where she appeared topless. Those seem to be the more popular results in a Google photo search.

* Oddly, the opposite is true for Blossom, who followed the reverse hotness path that Punky did. But she’s from the 90’s anyhow. Also, I don’t think I have “integrity.”


I'd like to second this post as I also had a huge crush on Evie, both her looks and her super powers.

The other footnote in television history that "Out of This World" holds is that it was apart of the short and failed attempt by NBC to promote shows starting at 7:30 with their "Prime Time Starts at 7:30" campaign.

By Blogger tall 1, at 1:58 PM  

I had a reverse fantasy with "Out of This World." I would be the one with the freezing time powers resulting in endless feel ups when ever I wanted of unsuspecting Evie.

By Blogger de Kooning's Spleen, at 2:41 PM  

How about Tiffany Brissette of Small Wonder?

By Blogger green_canary, at 2:43 PM  

I'd forgotten about Out of this world. You didn't have a crush on Vicki from Small Wonder? haha!

By Blogger Momentary Academic, at 2:54 PM  

Momentary Academic - Did I Have a crush on Vicki from Small Wonder? Not me, I was just curious if she ranked on Dan's list. Being a girl that likes boys, I was more of an Alex P. Keaton fan.

By Blogger green_canary, at 3:07 PM  

Hell, being a boy who liked girls even I was an Alex P. Keaton fan. But the rest of the list will reveal itself by the end of the week. All I'll say is that she was definitely in the running.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 3:15 PM  

Can we put Alex P. Keaton on the list? Pretty please?

By Blogger green_canary, at 3:20 PM  

The only republican I ever liked.

By Blogger de Kooning's Spleen, at 4:16 PM  

excellent choices! was lisa bonet of the cosby show too old to be on your list?

By Blogger Neil, at 4:58 PM  

In a couple of the pictures she looks like a blonde Kimmie Gibler (Full House.) Which is not a good thing. :-p

By Blogger mance01, at 5:17 PM  

Yeah, not all of the pictures are flattering. I don't see Kimmy Gibbler that much. I see a young Jennifer Garner. But Kimmy, yeah it was too bad with her. She had this sexual energy about her, but she was just so ugly. I remember liking her for one episode, in the much later years. She probably did her hair different or something.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 5:25 PM  

3 things:

1. i sometimes sit in my office and reminisce about this show but could never remember the name of it. now i feel complete.

2. i agree with the kimmy gibbler thing...i think its the shot where she's standing in front of the door, which i can easily imagine as the full house door.

3. what ever happen to your 100 interesting things about yourself? i'm still waiting for #2!

By Blogger the musician's girlfriend, at 5:52 PM  

I am pretty sure Kimmy Gibler was played by Sandra Berhardt.

By Blogger [Disgrundled], at 5:54 PM  

Justine Bateman... :P

By Blogger Glyn (Zaphod) Evans, at 6:52 PM  

I think I saw Nicole Eggert on a Skinemax flick recently.

By Blogger angel, jr., at 8:01 PM  

I can't wait to see how this new segment plays out...

I don't remember this show, so hopefully I'll do better tomorrow. Or else I can just eat mac and cheese and watch old episodes of Who's the Boss?

By Blogger mysterygirl!, at 10:00 PM  

My brother just told me about Arrested least we have the DVD's. Don't you think that if NBC, ABC, CBS - if one of these guys picked them up more people would watch?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:11 PM  

That last "anonymous post" was me...I don't know what happened there. But I do know this: I don't like anonymous posters.

By Blogger rawbean, at 10:12 PM  

LMAO... you know.. one might call this somewhat um... obsessive???


By Blogger awaterpixie, at 10:02 AM  

First of all, I've never heard of Out of This World. Where was I? Damn those distracting barbies. I apparently missed all the good shows.

Second, I respectfully disagree with your choice. This chick looks like a man. Check out the third picture of her with her eyes closed. I'm pretty sure she was a member of the East German olympic team. Either that or she's a young J.J. Bullock or Ted from Married with Children.

Third, you shouldn't have told me Nicole Eggert was still going to be first. You ruined the surprise!

By Blogger Lizzie, at 10:57 AM  

Lizzie, give the girl a break. It's was 80's for Christ's sake. Do you have any idea how hard it was to be attractive in the 80's? High waisted jeans?!?!

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 11:14 AM  

I feel like I've missed so much of the 80's, although there are pictures of me with a side ponytail, I was only 5.

By Blogger Heather B., at 12:10 PM  

WOW, I forgot all about the show Out of this world!!! I loved it!

By Blogger ShellBug526, at 4:02 PM  

Now, I have "Swinging on a Star" song in my head! I wonder if iTMS has it...

By Blogger missy, at 5:10 PM  

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