The Daily Dump

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Thursday, November 17

Top Five 80’s Sitcom Daughters Crushes: Part 4

I can’t make pretend that there’s any suspense left here. It’s not like we’re discussing the best Steven Segal movies of all time or which Fanta girl is the coolest. At this stage in the game, I wouldn’t even call this my opinion anymore. I think it’s borderline fact. We’re talking about pantheon hot teenage actresses from the 80’s (and I can’t believe any of you are still reading), and the two girls left on my list are undeniably the number 1 and 2 girls.

Ask any guy in his mid-20’s who his favorite teenage sitcom actress was in the 80’s and I guarantee you 90% of the time these two names will be mentioned. I know that some people were pulling for Tiffany Brissette from “Small Wonder.” And I looked her way, I really did. But when starting this thing, I set two major guidelines for myself:

1. The girl must play the role of someone’s flesh and blood daughter on a show. This is why Tracy Pollan wasn’t included. This is also why Mike’s girlfriend from Growing Pains wasn’t mentioned. And this is precisely why Tiffany Bissette wasn’t included. It’s weird enough that I’ve been writing for four days straight about hot teenage girls, I don’t need to start writing about hot teenage robot girls.

2. The girl’s parents must love her. This is why I didn’t include anyone from “The Facts of Life.” There was some dispute as to whether they were orphans or simply girls at a boarding school, but even if they were just girls at a boarding school they are disqualified under this rule.

So really, I had no choice in the matter. My #2 pick is the inimitable, always scantily clad Alyssa Milano from “Who’s The Boss?”

I really can’t say it any better than Ronny did on the message boards over at

“Shes soooooooooooooooooo cute girlie omg!!! Shes soooooo sweet, wonderful.. Shes a sun shines in the morning!”

I mean, the girl owns ALYSSA.COM. Do you have any idea how many girls from Long Island want the domain name THAT’S how awesome Alyssa Milano is. (There’s even a blog on her site, but apparently she only writes about natural disasters?*) And out of all of my picks, she is undoubtedly the most famous in the present day.

My only reservation with having her ranked as high as number two on my list is that there were some brutally hard times for Samantha Micelli, including several bad hair periods:

plus an inexplicable Asian period:

At the inception of “Who’s The Boss?” I even remember thinking to myself, “Well, I guess Angela’s kind of attractive . . .”

But the fact of the matter is, once Samantha hit her stride the highs far outweighed the lows. It’s like the now deceased oldies radio station WCBS-FM:

The hits





I feel like I don’t even need to say anything more about it. Unlike Mallory, who had the benefit of being on one of the best sitcoms of all time, Alyssa was on a show that derived 80% of it’s comedy from Tony Danza screaming family members’ names in a thick Brooklyn accent: “Mooona!” “Aaaangela!” Samandha!”

I’m not saying it was a bad show, because it definitely wasn’t. But if you put it up against “Family Ties” or “Diff’rent Strokes” or even “Perfect Strangers,” it just wasn’t as good. And yet Alyssa Milano shone through, made a name for herself and eventually became the butt of every joke made about Maxim magazine.

You really can’t ask for anything more. I can pay her no higher compliment than this: Back when I was still using dial-up internet, hers were the nude pictures for which I searched. She is, indeed, a sun shines in the morning.

That’s Samantha, my #2 pick.

Warning: Alyssa Milano is hot. Looking at pictures of her in your office will only make your co-workers thing bad things about you, like my boss who came by and said, “Oh, she’s good looking who’s that?” I can’t tell you what my response was because I immediately died.

* Apparently Alyssa Milano is also becoming a world-famous philanthropist. To quote her website: “Alyssa launched UNICEF’s pivotal “Trick or Treat” campaign in the fall of 2004 as an official spokesperson.” The program, run by overprotective mothers, checks all the food that is donated to poor African countries for poisonous needles and other harmful substances.


Warning was excellent. Made up for the lack of in Part 3.

By Blogger Kelly, at 12:44 PM  

You're right. She's hot. No doubt about that. Hell, I think I would sleep with her, and I'm a "boys only" kind of girl.

By Blogger Trix, at 12:55 PM  

I'm glad no one in my office walked by while I was reading this post. I would have felt like a total idiot sitting here with Alyssa Milano pictures flashing by on my screen.

If she's number 1, I don't know who could possibly #2. Kimmy Gibbler?

By Blogger Hope, at 2:07 PM  

just how old is she in that swimsuit shot? kiddie porn much?

I think she was on the cover of every issue of Teen Magazine and Bop that I got in 1987. good times.

By Blogger Lizzie, at 2:31 PM  

Yeah, right before I hit the submit button I looked at the picture and thought, "Are you sure?" But I figured if it's good enough for, it's good enough for me.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 2:45 PM  

bad hair never looked so good.

I'm surprised alyssa wasn't #1. off hand I can't think of a topper, so I'm feeling #1 will be controversial.

By Blogger The Assimilated Negro, at 2:56 PM  

I'd do her.

By Blogger Betty, at 3:43 PM  

Sheesh... she looks.. shall we say, rather YOUNG for posing in some of those provocative photos! Whats up with that? I will say she was/is pretty darn cute though. :-)

By Blogger Audrey, at 4:03 PM  

well, at least when you're busted in an internet kiddie porn ring with priests and Pete Townsend, I can say I knew you when. I'll look for you on the 11 o'clock news. I assume you'll be the one in handcuffs shouting "but it was on alyssa. com! there's been a mistake. Do you know who you're dealing with? I'm the belligerent intellectual!" as they push your head down into the cop car.

By Blogger Lizzie, at 4:16 PM  

Yeah, I'm with trix.

By Anonymous anne arkham, at 4:56 PM  

hahahahaaha.... good laughs, and ya I'm with you, I think she's one of the hottest from the 80's... I think I may have wanted to BE her at some early point even, then she kind of got a little trash[y]ed in the 90's, but she seems to have redeemed herself hasn't she...

Funny post, for a belligerent intellect ;p

By Blogger clothosfate, at 8:04 PM  

She was hot even with those bad hair-dos. And my Japanese pal tells me that she is a MAJOR star in Japan, so maybe that's why she had her "Japanese" period.

By Blogger Neil, at 9:41 PM  

I've always had a bit of a girl-crush on her. What a hottie.

By Blogger Megan, at 12:22 AM  

oh and just a point, I could be wrong, but for ANYTHING to be porn, it has to have a helluva lot more then a chick in a bathing suit. Even a young chick. Watch some porn and you'll see ;p

Just a thought.

By Blogger clothosfate, at 12:23 AM  

Ha! This is a fantastic list, and Alyssa is definitely up their in the 'Hot chicks I would switch sides for'.

On a related note, a bunch of girlfriends and I did something similar with a Top 5 Shameful Shags category - Sitcom Fathers from the 80s. Disturbingly, the Dads from Family Ties, Different Strokes and Who's the Boss all featured.

By Blogger Marika, at 3:22 AM  

She put out an album in Japan. You know that she's also a singer, right?

By Blogger Momentary Academic, at 9:03 AM  

ha. the ass from SBTB was on "Who's the Boss"--I would never have known that without you.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:47 AM  

If you think a girl in a swimsuit is kiddie porn then you have issues you need to deal with. Is a woman in a skirt above her knees "dressed like a slut" too? When you're at the beach do you feel like you're at a porn shoot? I'd suggest therapy

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:08 AM  

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