The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Friday, January 6

I Really, Really Love This

Did Jesus exist? Italian court to decide

Sounds like a case for “CSI” if you ask me. Like a two hour special with the casts of “CSI,” “CSI: Miami” and “CSI: New York” all joining forces to show how even Jesus can’t run from the evidence.

Plus it would fulfill what has become one of my most wished for entertainment interactions, where the hilariously monotoned Horatio Caine (David Caruso) crosses paths with the brilliant, no-nonsense Gil Grissom (William L. Petersen). I can see it now, Horatio spitting out one of his tagline phrases that succinctly sums up a blatant fact of life but when with his lifeless droll is meant to come off as important.

Horatio: “I don’t think . . . we will find a body this time. But a body . . . won’t always solve a crime.”

Grissom: (looking over the top of his glasses) “What the hell are you talking about?”

At which point Grissom does extensive chemical and DNA analysis on a piece of host taken from the tabernacle at church and proves transubstantiation to be a lie. The episode ends with him saying, “That’s the thing about belief – it may be free, but there’s always a price to pay.”


This is funny. I hate CSI Maimi, David Caruso barotone voice creeps me out. But I love CSI.

By Blogger Betty, at 3:31 PM  

you're funny!

By Blogger totolehero, at 4:08 PM  

That would be an episode I wouldn't want to miss.

And I love your synopsis of David Caruso. We can't stand him, especially my husband. Every time he hears one of his monotone one-liners on a commercial, my husband's head nearly explodes. I always tease him that if Gil had said those very same words, my husband would nod his head at the brilliance of it all.

By Blogger Carolyn, at 5:29 PM  

Ok, I've been sick for a could of weeks and abandoned all post reading. Foolish, foolish me. Your blog is so freaking hilarious.

...and your writing for CSI is DEAD ON! Nice work.

By Blogger undercover celebrity, at 5:38 PM  

transubstanation? that sounds dirty.

By Blogger kristine, at 11:07 AM  

Bless you for this. I *heart* Grissom, perhaps a bit too much, but I can't stand David Caruso. His character should have an affair with that medical examiner who calls the dead guys "baby" and "honey" all the time.

By Blogger mysterygirl!, at 2:22 PM  

CSI Miami would be great without Horatio. His overstating of the obvious is exactly what aggravates the hell out of everybody.

By Blogger Crystal, at 11:19 PM  

I loved that jesus court story ...

love that facial hair ...

By Blogger The Assimilated Negro, at 11:27 PM  

If anyone can prove that Jesus didn't exist, it's Gil Grissom. Gil Grissom, may, in fact, be Jesus. This would explain why he is so condescending.

I would also greatly enjoy seeing Nick freak out when they ask him to process an underground cave.

CSI:Miami = Worst representaion of Dade County I have ever seen. The show should be called CSI: Burbank Soundstage.

By Blogger White Dade, at 9:52 AM  

Oh man, LMFAO at "Not even Jesus can hide from the evidence." By the way, that is a spot-on Grissom.

By Blogger Dirk the Feeble, at 2:36 PM  

Ok, sick or not sick, the lack of posts in the past week and a half is just plain irresponsible. What about your readers? What am I supposed to read while I eat lunch?

(I mean... unless you're really, REALLY sick... like, hospital sick... in which case, get well soon.)

By Blogger Libby Mae Brown, at 9:32 AM  

Oh, man. Caruso is so much better than Petersen. But I'll grant you that the one liners that Horatio uses are very annoying. Especially at the beginning of the show.

By Blogger utenzi, at 5:01 PM  

Does this mean a spin-off: CSI -Vatican City?

By Anonymous Neil, at 10:17 PM  

Hey Dan how about a new goddamned post huh?

By Blogger de Kooning's Spleen, at 11:43 PM  

Hey Dan how about a new goddamned post huh?

By Blogger de Kooning's Spleen, at 11:43 PM  

Ok clearly no one here is as PSYCHO about CSI as I am, but that episode already happened. A guy in Vegas kidnapped a rich guy's wife and daughter and took them to...wait for it... Miami! Gil didn't go tho, Catherine took Warrick (sp?).
Hi Dan!

By Anonymous Christina P, at 11:23 AM  


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:18 PM  

What a dump

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:42 PM  

I'm a finalist for Best New Blog at The Best of Blog Awards! If you'd like to vote, just leave a comment at:

Thanks for your support!

By Blogger Vesper, at 9:47 PM  

LOVE both of those shows! Can't quite decide who I like better though - I think if I had to choose it would be Grissom.

By Blogger Audrey, at 2:55 PM  

I LOVE Horatio Caine, I'm IN love with Horatio Caine and can't ever get enough of him. Gil Grissom is just an ol' teddybear ...;-)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:20 AM  

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