The game was boring, the commercials were all hype and the halftime show was one of the most awkward things I’ve ever seen. I found myself trying to watch, but cringing at the sight of McJagger’s exposed midriff, not because it’s that unpleasant a sight (“That man’s never worked out a day in his life, and look at him,” was heard from somewhere in the room) but mostly because I thought that surely the next hip swivel/foot stomp would be the one that took him down.
Despite all that, no one could top Aaron Neville. His rendition of the Star Spangled Banner with Aretha Franklin was like a talent show at an old folks home. Did Aaron even know he was at the Superbowl? I feel like halfway through he got distracted when he decided he wanted another cup of pudding. So he handed it over to Aretha and started wandering around the field looking for the push-cart with all the concessions.
And if I had to rank the commercials, I think it would go in this order:
Top Five Superbowl Commercials
5. Dove’s campaign for real beauty: Because I have a soft spot for girls with low self-esteem. And I don’t mean romantically.
4. ESPN: Was hyped as a “shush-the-room” commercial. Definitely wasn’t that, but without the build-up would have been cool.
3. Hide Bud Light in Office Walls: Watching a Bud Light commercial is very similar to drinking a Bud Light. I come away with a bad taste in my mouth, feeling disappointed and a little stupid. But “people acting like monkeys” is the new “actually using monkeys.”
2. MacGyver MasterCard: I also have a soft spot for MacGyver. And while this commercial screams, “So obvious it should have been made a long time ago,” it was the perfect cliché. And I would still trust Richard Dean Anderson with my life.
1. FedEx: Cavemen office politics + cartoon violence = comedy. The guy getting stepped on in the end was unnecessary, albeit I assume a real risk during the time period.
Top Five Worst Superbowl Commercials
5. Cadillac: It was like an indie film car commercial. The only bright spot was when they showed people’s reactions to the car. They may as well have had captions that read:
“Artistic white man likes the car . . .”
“Urban black man likes the car . . .”
“Beautiful yet vapid woman likes the car . . .”
4. Sierra Mist: Were the Sierra Mist people actually excited when they got Kathy Griffin? I would have loved to be at the company’s CEO’s Superbowl party when he hushed everyone down as the commercial came on. Then after it’s over he says, “Pretty good, huh?! So what’d you think?” and everyone makes an awkwardly polite comment before Griffin stumbles out of the bathroom with toothpaste on her shirt.
3. Tim Allen’s The Shaggy Dog: A low point in Chris Berman’s career.
2. Pepsi: My friend Brendan said it best: “I’ve never wanted a Coke more in my life.”
1. Burger King: You’ve got the mascot of the year in The King and that’s the commercial you make? That’s like being a 7’1” black guy and deciding to take up ice hockey.