Reading it I felt like one of Frey’s old cellmates reading “A Million Little Pieces,” sitting there thinking “Wait . . . this sounds familiar . . . hold on a second, this happened to me!”
I’M the one who saw Far and Away approximately 13 times; I’M the one who shared priceless moments of Screamy McYeller with friends via email; I’M THE ONE ABOUT WHOM YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW THAT I LOVE TELEVISION EVEN THOUGH IT’S AN OVERTLY IRONIC STATEMENT!
Luckily for me I don’t have to wallow in my oppressed sadness behind bars and give myself another prison tattoo of the Gaelic symbol for injustice. I get to write a passive-aggressive response wherein I show how truly sensitive and needy I am and how there’s a decent chance that all this neediness and sensitivity will leave my a broken man lying in a gutter next to the real James Frey repeating over and over, “But she never even linked my blog why didn’t she link my blog?” but wherein I also myself will plagiarize a well-known movie and end with the subtly devastating burn: That may be, but at least I won't be unoriginal.
P.S. My favorite part is where she changes the line:
“It’s like picking your favorite family member. (It’s you, Catherine, don’t tell Mom.)”
“It's like picking your favorite family member. (It's you, Jen, don't tell Mom).”
SHE DOESN’T LOVE YOU, JEN. IT’S ALL A LIE!
Note: Thanks to whoever Anonymous commenter is who found the post. If you want to come forward you can collect your reward, just send me an email. The reward will be the bag of potato chips that came with my sandwich yesterday. I’ve given up eating the chips, so they’re all yours. I can also throw in a 2006 calendar from Airline Office Supply because they accidentally sent me two. Thanks again.