The Daily Dump

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Tuesday, February 21

What I Really Think About The Olympics


I wasn’t planning on writing about the Olympics, mostly due to the fact that I haven’t actually been watching the Olympics. So while I could have rattled off posts with titles like “Why Can’t I Get A Hotel Room In Torino?” and “Do You Know Who Won The Bobsled?” I just didn’t think that was in everyone’s best interest.

Over the weekend though I realized something. The Olympics happen once every two years, the Winter Games once every four. The next Olympic games of any kind won’t be happening until August of 2008 in Beijing. In the big picture, this means two things: 1. The United States has only two years to eradicate communist China (one and a half if they want time to adjust advertising prices accordingly); and 2. there’s a pretty good chance that this blog won’t see another Olympics.

I’ll give you a second to stop crying . . .

In the best case scenario, The Daily Dump sticks it out until August of 2008 for the sole purpose of having existed during a Winter and Summer Games – an act as arbitrary and blatantly pointless as working until you’re 70 just so you can retire at a nice round number. In the worst case scenario, these Olympic games end this weekend and I wake up in a cold sweat Monday morning to the realization that my blog will never see another international sporting competition of such a caliber. (And I’m more likely to wake up in a cold sweat after having a mayonnaise induced heart attack than because I never wrote about the Olympics.)

But if you give me a choice of watching the Olympics or switching to light mayonnaise I’ll take the Olympics EVERY TIME. Even ice dancing. Well maybe not ice dancing – in that case it’s more likely I end up like the donkey in the philosophical paradox of Buridan's Ass wherein a mule, placed between two identical bales of hay, starves to death because he can’t decide between the two.

So I’m devoting this week to Olympic coverage. Hopefully three or four posts a day on what I think about the 2006 Torino Games. If nothing else, I’ll save you from having to watch the games yourself. And at the cocktail party you attend this weekend to mark the closing ceremonies, you’ll be able to carry on discussions on which country has the coolest uniforms (the Netherlands), the hottest athletes (Canada), and which mascot, Neve or Gliz, would win in an ultimate fighting match (obviously Gliz). Enjoy.

7 Comments:

If you put up four posts a day about the Winter Olympics I don't know that The Daily Dump will live to see the World Baseball Classic.

By Blogger White Dade, at 12:15 PM  

Just because Miami doesn't appreciate cold weather sports doesn't mean that my readers in Norway and Austria won't. (God I hope I have readers in Norway and Austria.)

Besides, it's almost so cliche to make fun of how no one cares about the Olympics that it's come full circle back to it being cool to care about the Olympics.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 12:32 PM  

What about the World Cup?

It's happening this summer in Germany.

It's a well known fact that it's way more popular than the Olympics.

Why should you care? Because it'll give us a chance to drink beer at 7am with all the crazies this summer.

Drunk blog posting before noon? Now that's entertainment.

By Blogger tall 1, at 12:48 PM  

I'm a sucker for arbitrary adherence to neat numbers. It's why I suck at poker.

I wouldn't fun of the biathletes. They're a dangerous lot. Otherwise, have at it, I say. The curlers in particular have it coming. Obvious, but true.

By Blogger RetroDragon, at 1:36 PM  

Did you really drop "philosophical paradox" in that post? I'd rather watch donkeys die than speedskating. But I'm a sick fuck.

By Blogger Lozo, at 2:33 PM  

Wuh? The Netherlands has the worst uniforms, at least as far as speed skating is concerned. They're all orange, with black coming up the legs as if they were thigh high boots. That makes me think of myself in thigh high boots, and that's pretty disgusting.

By Blogger Analyst Catalyst, at 3:41 PM  

Cool guestbook, interesting information... Keep it UP
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By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:22 AM  

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