The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Tuesday, April 11

“Hare Ye, Hare Ye.” (OK, no more court jokes.)

Being back in the office after doling out so much justice is tiresome, besides the fact that work seems to “pile up” when I don’t do anything for three days and then go on jury duty. Every time someone handed me something to do today I felt like screaming back, “Oh, I’m sooo sorry I couldn’t get it done sooner. I was a little busy getting violent criminals off the street and behind bars where they can’t get to you anymore. OR YOUR FAMILIES!”

And just when I was about to give up hope of getting anything meaningful done today (blogging) I open up Yahoo news and see this story:

Bigs bunny: monster rabbit devours English veggie plots

A few things are interesting here: 1. not so much interesting, but rather dull is the pun on the name “Bugs Bunny”; 2. not so much interesting, but rather incorrect is the fact that they don’t capitalize the word “bunny,” rendering the pun both bland and ineffective; 3. that I did some searching around and the exact same pun was used in no less than four other headlines . . . in reference to a different story; and 4. (which actually is interesting) THE PICTURE OF THE RABBIT!

(Sidenote: How come every time I look at that rabbit I can’t help but think of this?)

What’s worse, as I mentioned in enumerated interesting thing 3, this isn’t the first time the world has been introduced to a giant monster rabbit. Back in February of this year there was this story of a German named Hans Wagner who claims his rabbit is the world’s largest.

Intriguingly, the owner of the other giant monster rabbit is also a German named Karl Szmolinsky, which leads me to this question: When the hell did Germany find the time to cultivate the world’s largest rabbits? The wall just came down like 15 years ago. You mean to tell me that families were reunited and civilizations were struggling to coexist and somewhere in the middle of it all someone thought, “You know, Germany needs a new identity. Something other than Nazis and sausage and depressing literature. We need something big and furry and cute. Hmm, if only we could make bunnies, but bigger . . .” Actually, now that I’ve written that it kind of makes sense to me. I’ve never been to Germany, and I’m not a racist as Gawker would have you believe, but I’ve read a lot of Nietzsche and this all makes perfect sense right now.

I guess the real dilemma is: Two giant bunnies, two German men, one chance to be THE BIGGEST RABBIT IN THE WORLD. My money is on bunny number two. Sure, number one has the whole Walter Mathau thing going for him, but if we’re judging it in terms of “which one would make me crap my pants if I ran into it one snowy night in a secluded cabin in Vermont” (and we are, because it’s my blog) then I have to go with the second one, whose paws make me laugh every time I look at them, until my gaze reaches his face and I understand that this is a rabbit with fury in its soul.


I just spit my soda out laughing at that last sentence.

Bunny #2 would so kick the first bunny's ass.

By Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders, at 4:10 PM  

Carrie and I have something in common-- I almost spit my soda out, too, although mine was when Walter Matthau came up on my screen.

Is it so wrong that those bunnies scare the crap out of me? If you put that first one down, you just know he'd use once of those giant paws to kick your ass for holding him by the nape of the neck...

By Blogger mysterygirl!, at 4:24 PM  

clearly, while we were able to stop MOST of the Nazis' plans, we were unable to uncover their secret plot to develop a race of master bunnies.

thank god it appears the british have captured Der Furrer.

(dude. walter matthau reference? what are you, 80? are you the same guy who keeps reporting Dick Cavett sightings on Gawker Stalker?)

By Blogger ducklet, at 4:34 PM  

If you dare even suggest that you've never seen Grumpy Old Men, certainly the most important movie ever made detailing the humor of getting old and dying, then you are a colder man than I thought. And I thought you were cold too. I was reading your blog, and my girlfriend read over my shoulder and she said, "Who's that?" and I replied, "That's Brando. He's cold." But maybe . . . maybe you're even colder than I thought.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 4:40 PM  

I think this calls for a bunny battle. And now I'm thinking of this:

By Anonymous Leah, at 4:41 PM  

I. Want. One.

I could saddle one up and ride it over the Manhattan Bridge on mornings when the Q Train is backed up.

By Blogger Cupcake, at 4:43 PM  

Is it wrong that I feel the need to hug the bunnies? I'm totally a six-year-old girl on the inside.

MysteryGirl!, you could totally be like Anja on "Buffy" and dress like a bunny for Halloween because they scare you!

By Blogger RetroDragon, at 4:44 PM  

I really can't decide if they're cute or terrifying. Bunnies are a certain size for a reason, you know? Like a duck - imagine a duck that size? Or a squirrel? I think that, logistically, I'm opposed to oversized animals in general.

Except puppies. If I could, I would genetically alter a puppy to be the size of a hatchback. And I would love him that much more.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 4:52 PM  

In that same line of thought, I would also like to genetically alter Giant Pandas to make them, well not Giant. I want a full grown panda the size of Butterstick (Tai Shan) here in DC so that I can have one as a pet. I would get so much action if I walked down 17th street carrying a panda.

By Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders, at 4:55 PM  

I'm still laughing! Those poor bunnies look seriously abnormal. What are they doing to them? Feeding them steriods? Or sausages? Try again Germany.

By Blogger Janet, at 5:14 PM  

There is bunny at the Mall of America petting zoo that could qualify as 3rd largest in the world.

I didn't get to pet it though, because I didn't want to pay the 7 dollar admission fee.

In hindsight that is the biggest mistake of my life. I'm getting pissed at myself for just thinking about it.

By Blogger Erin Mc, at 8:27 PM  

You just ruined my favorite childhood story, The Velveteen Rabbit.

And you probably don't want to see this movie.

Although Janet Leigh is phenomenal, as usual

By Blogger Bone, at 8:28 PM  

there is a petting zoo at the MoA?
rabbits stopped being cute after reading watership down. but these monsters are creepy. i'm picturing a similarly oversized groundhog. or mole. *shudder*

By Blogger Lord of the Barnyard, at 11:01 PM  

Oh my! I didn't realize that "Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit" was non-fiction.

Oh, those crazy Germans and their experiments! Seriously though, have you ever regularly read through Odd News at Reuters? Some crazy/odd/sex story always involves Germans!

By Blogger hanmee, at 10:23 AM  

I saw this on GMA yesterday morning and a shrieked and started to tear up thinking bunnies this big actually existed. Just add them to the list of rodents I'm afraid of!

By Blogger Julie_Gong, at 10:47 AM  

I think bunny #2 is a robot.

By Blogger Margaret, at 1:04 PM  

I want to hug this bunny, but I am afraid if I slept with it on my bed, it would squish me and suffocate me.

By Blogger Softball Slut, at 1:10 PM  

How odd that we posted about this the same day...

I think that bunny #2 is the cutest thing I ever saw in my life! Look at those toes!

By Blogger Jules, at 2:29 PM  

How brave would you have to be to bear hug a bunny that size, like man with bunny # 2?

By Blogger Kelly, at 3:30 PM  

I never had any interest in having a bunny as a pet until I saw this post. Why is everyone afraid of them? I want one for a pet, nay, I want one for a FRIEND! I'm pretty sure those bunnies are so evolved they can talk and drive cars.

By Blogger Hope, at 3:40 PM  

Huge or no, those bunnies are adorable. At least they're not like the Donnie Darko bunny. (I had to work a Jake Gyllenhaal movie reference in there somewhere....)

By Blogger Dennis!, at 4:08 PM  

that thing is like a wolverine! is that possible? does that even make sense? i have never actually seen a wolverine.

By Blogger Amanda, at 12:34 PM  

Somehow this photo didn't make it into my e-mail inbox until today (4/20). Now it's old news!!! WAAA. Does it make really big poops?

By Blogger Leezer, at 12:43 PM  

Thank you for the hare-raising story with pictures. I've wanted this info since February when I clipped a b&w pic of bunny#2 and put it on my locker. Now I can download the info and a full color picture of the big bunny.


By Anonymous Patricia Post, at 1:19 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home