Being back in the office after doling out so much justice is tiresome, besides the fact that work seems to “pile up” when I don’t do anything for three days and then go on jury duty. Every time someone handed me something to do today I felt like screaming back, “Oh, I’m sooo sorry I couldn’t get it done sooner. I was a little busy getting violent criminals off the street and behind bars where they can’t get to you anymore. OR YOUR FAMILIES!”
And just when I was about to give up hope of getting anything meaningful done today (blogging) I open up Yahoo news and see this story:
A few things are interesting here: 1. not so much interesting, but rather dull is the pun on the name “Bugs Bunny”; 2. not so much interesting, but rather incorrect is the fact that they don’t capitalize the word “bunny,” rendering the pun both bland and ineffective; 3. that I did some searching around and the exact same pun was used in no less than four other headlines . . . in reference to a different story; and 4. (which actually is interesting) THE PICTURE OF THE RABBIT!
(Sidenote: How come every time I look at that rabbit I can’t help but think of this?)
What’s worse, as I mentioned in enumerated interesting thing 3, this isn’t the first time the world has been introduced to a giant monster rabbit. Back in February of this year there was this story of a German named Hans Wagner who claims his rabbit is the world’s largest.
Intriguingly, the owner of the other giant monster rabbit is also a German named Karl Szmolinsky, which leads me to this question: When the hell did Germany find the time to cultivate the world’s largest rabbits? The wall just came down like 15 years ago. You mean to tell me that families were reunited and civilizations were struggling to coexist and somewhere in the middle of it all someone thought, “You know, Germany needs a new identity. Something other than Nazis and sausage and depressing literature. We need something big and furry and cute. Hmm, if only we could make bunnies, but bigger . . .” Actually, now that I’ve written that it kind of makes sense to me. I’ve never been to Germany, and I’m not a racist as Gawker would have you believe, but I’ve read a lot of Nietzsche and this all makes perfect sense right now.
I guess the real dilemma is: Two giant bunnies, two German men, one chance to be THE BIGGEST RABBIT IN THE WORLD. My money is on bunny number two. Sure, number one has the whole Walter Mathau thing going for him, but if we’re judging it in terms of “which one would make me crap my pants if I ran into it one snowy night in a secluded cabin in Vermont” (and we are, because it’s my blog) then I have to go with the second one, whose paws make me laugh every time I look at them, until my gaze reaches his face and I understand that this is a rabbit with fury in its soul.