In 1968, a woman residing in a small town outside Chicago gave birth to three babies and a kitten, although the kitten had to be put down after repeatedly clawing at its siblings while vying for their mother’s affection. The family later acquired a cat as a domestic pet, but it just wasn’t the same.
During the Great Depression, it was common for families to send their children away to the country. In one astounding tale, a mother, racked with poverty in New York City, gave birth to a baby girl and immediately gave her away to a family from Pennsylvania. That child grew up to have a child of her own, who also grew up to have a child of her own, and it was this child that was eventually diagnosed with clinical depression. Ironically, her name was Irony.
In the only documented case of its kind, in 1981 a woman from Oregon reportedly gave birth to a baby boy who spoke in full sentences immediately upon delivery. The boy’s first words were, “That was really gross.” The mother, so scorned by this historic act of ungratefulness, has given her son the silent treatment to this day. It was the only punishment she saw fit.
Every Christmas the small village where I grew up sets up a large nativity scene in the middle of town. A few years ago on Christmas night a couple from out of town were out for a stroll when the woman went into labor right in front of the nativity scene. The husband set her down in the manger and used some of the stray to make her comfortable. There was a full moon shining down on the scene and a light snow surrounded them. Just then a security guard came by and called an ambulance and the woman was taken to the local hospital.
The circus has always been a fertile and erotic forum. Certainly that was the case when, in 1955, the World Famous Bearded Lady was impregnated by The World’s Smallest Man. Their daughter, who went on to become Miss World in 1978, hated the circus.
It is common in China, where a family can only have one child, for baby girls to be given away in lieu of wanting a son instead. In one terrific instance of this brutal tradition, a couple gave birth to what they thought was a girl and promptly gave the child away. Later, they found out that their child had actually suffered from a rare hermaphroditic condition. So while the child had the outward appearance of a woman, he was living his life as a man. The couple did not ask for him back.
And finally, in 1995 a couple from Seattle, Washington gave birth to quadruplet boys who, it turns out, were all musical geniuses and formed a grunge band in their infancy. Unfortunately grunge wasn’t in anymore and the children were forced directly into substance abuse problems. Their parents tried again in 1998, hoping to birth a boy band. Instead, they had a lone girl. All she did was cry and spit up. The parents, racked with disappointment, have tried repeatedly to donate her to science, though it seems that science won’t have her either.