The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Thursday, April 6

Q: “Why did the juror smell bad?”
A: “Because he was on jury duty!”

If you can’t tell that I was hammered when I wrote that post last night, that’s because alcoholics develop a distinct ability to maintain their faculties when intoxicated. But for future reference, any time I make a reference to unprotected sex, I’m probably drunk. The two things just naturally go together.

Anyway, due to a massive hangover I’m going to go take a nap. Jury duty this morning was killer, but also an absolute success; if by success you mean I failed to get out of it and for the next four days I will be performing my civic duty of doling out justice to criminals, I mean suspected criminals. And while I can’t talk about the case because that would be a breach of the solemn oath I took before the court, I can tell you that it’s so obvious the guy is guilty.

Coming up later . . . my running diary of day one of jury duty. Because the only thing more fun than being at jury duty is reading about someone else at jury duty.


Dan, you are a complete moron. How on Earth do you work at a LAW OFFICE and NOT be able to get yourself disqualified from Jury duty? that's a no-brianer, dude. YOu need some serious slacking lessons.

By Blogger White Dade, at 4:26 PM  

ummm... I thought the main part of a juror's oath was that you're s'pose to stay impartial until the end? eh....
I had jury duty for a civil case, but they settled after opening statements! Maybe you'll have the same luck.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:28 PM  

Lena, was it a malpractice suit over a kidney problem? Were you on my jury? Are we still friends?

By Blogger [Disgrundled], at 6:01 PM  

Disgrundled: LOL. ya, sure, we're friends.... how's your kidney?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:45 PM said "duty"..oh wait..thats doodie. Nevermind.

By Blogger that girl, at 8:13 PM  

Can you suggest old-world punishments like disembowling? When's the last time we drawed and quartered a mothafucka'?

By Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, at 9:52 PM  

Since I was unlucky enough to get picked for jury duty, the one time I was called, I will have to live vicariously through you. I didn't have the satisfaction of being rejected. I just sat in a room all day waiting for the chance to even be considered. No dice. Well, maybe next year.

By Blogger Carolyn, at 9:57 PM  

Here's a story about this guy's experiences with Jury Duty that should put you in the mood ...

By Blogger Cupcake, at 10:16 PM  

When was getting "hammered" considered a star on your report card?

By Blogger belligerent mother, at 7:45 AM  

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