The Daily Dump

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Thursday, April 13

Update On Previous Post

While we’re on the subject of ridiculous formulas, I checked out the equation The Girlfriend was referring to in her comment, i.e. the one that calculates how nice your butt is.

Apparently, (S+C) x (B+F) / (T-V) = Butt Rating, where:

S = overall shape (a ripe peach being just about right);
C = circularity (rounder is better);
B = bounciness (less wobble is preferred);
F = firmness (too much push to that cushion loses points);
T = skin texture (no cellulite, please); and
V = the ratio of one's hips to waist.

The person evaluating the butt must assess each variable with a value between 1-20, 20 being the best, then substitute the values into the equation. The perfect rating is approximately 80.

I’m not calling anyone a plagiarizer, but this seems very similar to an equation my friends and I came up with while watching Passion Cove on Cinemax one night. Our equation went:

A = B, where:

A = “Whoa, that is a nice butt”; and
B = “That girl has an awesome butt.”


Perfect butt rating is in face divergent. Moreover, there's a whole class of identically infinitely perfect butts.

According to the formula, that is.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:59 PM  

I was never phenomenal at math, but I know a nice butt when I see one. I have this particular equation down at lightening fast speed.

By Blogger Janet, at 12:20 AM  

hmmm.. too technical for my tastes. If you can't tell a nice butt from a nasty one.. well then you have bigger problems on your plate!

By Blogger Audrey, at 11:08 AM  

More straight men need to realize how much girls look at their butts. If they had any idea that is one the most frequently "checked-out" areas, I'm certain that baggy-assed jeans would be history.

Gay men have figured it out. They have padded butt underwear at International Male for pete's sake.

Not that I know that for certain...

By Blogger MonkeyPants, at 11:19 AM  

As a gay man, I will admit that in fact, the male ass is the first thing we check out. Either because we want to see if you are wearing seven jeans or also to see if there's something there to hold onto later when we're taking you home. Personally I have no ass to speak of but would never stoop so low as to order anything, much less padded underwear from International Male.

By Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders, at 12:55 PM  

As someone with a pretty scrawny butt, the trick is to confuse the woman by humming while she works the formula, so the result ends up a higher number than reality.

By Anonymous Neil, at 10:38 PM  

i like this formula a lot better than the one before.

By Blogger treespotter, at 11:57 AM  

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