The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Thursday, May 25

Adventures In Things The Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Me To Bring Into Her Home, Volume 3


When I got it: About a year after I moved into my first apartment, although it has been in the family for an estimated eight years.

How it came into my possession: My mother and aunt had the print made by pasting a picture of my grandfather’s face on an old Dewar’s ad. After I moved into my first apartment and realized I owned nothing besides a bed and a TV, I scoured my parents basement for free things to call my own, finding this amidst a heap of family relics. This is also how I procured my set of muffin tins, which I have neglected to use even once to this day.

Why I like it: It memorializes this infamous story, an event emblematic of my grandfather’s legacy as a carouser and funnyman:

As a way to keep busy after his retirement, my grandfather, who used to own a restaurant, would tend bar at a country club on the weekends. One Sunday a young, attractive woman approaches him and orders a screaming orgasm. My grandfather, more accustomed to martinis and manhattans, has no idea what she is talking about but remains unflustered, looks up the recipe and makes her the drink. Some time later, as the woman and her husband are leaving the bar, my grandfather catches her eye and she is passing by, nods his head and asks, “Did you enjoy your orgasm?”

Why she hates it: My guess is because she doesn’t appreciate the inherent humor of looking into my grandfather’s face everyday and equating it with a sex act. But who knows, she’s weird about things like that.

Your thoughts: MY GRANDFATHER IS A HERO . . . A SEXUAL HERO.

40 Comments:

TG needs to suck it up on this one. This one should stay. Put it in your bathroom in lieu of the 25-cent sign. As Brando said, bathroom should be about fun, and nothing should say "fun" like your grandfather's face next to the word, "orgasm."

By Blogger Leezer, at 1:38 PM  

That sign is hi-larious. Definitely a keeper.

By Blogger mance01, at 2:00 PM  

You'd better be careful... If she starts thinking about your grandfather connected to sex/orgasms, you might never get laid again. You can use all those coupon books you keep giving her to clean up after yourself.

and I think you should keep it, but I agree with her on not having it up.

By Blogger Rebecca, at 2:03 PM  

Wait wait wait. There just happened to be a Dewar's ad that said just that? Isn't anyone else thrown off by this coincidence??? It's so awesome that you just HAVE to keep it. I say hang it at the foot of the bed.

By Blogger Hope, at 2:13 PM  

P.S. When do we get a list of crap the girlfriend is insisting on keeping that you don't want?

By Blogger Hope, at 2:23 PM  

I love this and I LOVE your Grandpa.

I myeslf was a beer cart girl at a golf course for a few years in college. I know your Grandfathers kind and I love them.

The sign definately stays. I agree with VF, the bathroom WOULD be a great place for that sign. or if you had a bar you could place it above that.

Ahhhh...the possibilities.

By Blogger Jenni, at 2:27 PM  

hope you have 2 bathrooms, if you chose to hang it up.

its funny but for a guy apartment NOT an apartment you must BOTH live.

Have you asked her to take anything down you are not fond of?

if not make a compromise

By Blogger Shopaholic KitKatWoman, at 2:30 PM  

I think it's a wonderful conversation piece. I have a "wheel of meat"; a wooden circle with pictures of a cow, a chicken, a pig, a lamb, and...a horse. You hang it on the wall of the kitchen, and use it to help decide what meat to have for dinner. Luckily, it's only landed on horse a few times. Ha. Anyway, my ex-girlfriend hated it, and forbade me from hanging it in our kitchen. Stupid vegans. My NEW girlfriend loves it. Yay! Everone wins!

By Blogger Alex, at 2:31 PM  

Love it, love it, love the story the picture the colors and all of it.

Definitely a keeper. (And I love how you're mixing it up now...I knew you had to be kidding with those fantasy football trophies...)

By Blogger Faith, at 3:05 PM  

Yeah, totally just kidding about the plaques. Totally. (Don't cry, Dan. Hold it in.)

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 3:25 PM  

And two bathrooms? WTF? We hardly even have one bathroom.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 3:26 PM  

bathroom? naw, I think you should start a collage of all of your favorite things on the ceiling right over yer bed...because what's better than your grampa's face and the word orgasm? grampa, orgasm, and NAKED. yes yes yes.

By Blogger heatheradair, at 3:42 PM  

It's a keeper in my book, just not in the bedroom. :)

By Blogger Z. Madison, at 3:59 PM  

If you're living together, it's not his or hers. It is both of yours. It's "our" apartment.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:48 PM  

This one belongs in the kitchen..but I am still not to sure.
No way on the helmets..
Bathroom picture is great!! Perhaps we should see some of the items your girlfriend insists on keeping..Its all about comprimise.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:49 PM  

This is a total keeper...nothing is loyal to a guy like his grandpa, alcohol and the drive to orgasm...you get reminded of all three in one poster.

ON a slightly more real note, you are moving into her place...you need to be able to put your stamp on it so you feel at home...I mean you agreed to give up the pr0n stach in the bathroom, she can at least let you keep the trophy's. ~grin~

These last 3 posts are proof why guys need their own space, more specifically why guys need a shed or a garage to do guy things, to make a mess, to wacth sport all day while pulling apart the busted toaster or trying to fix the DVD...it's a space that too oft needs to be carved from the busyness of life, but it is essential.

By Blogger Indiana, at 6:19 PM  

BI - You're kidding with this stuff, right? Where is that "good decorating sense" you alluded to in an earlier post?
But having said that, Yeah, keep this one it is cool. The "25 cent bath" sign and the helmets gotta go though.

By Blogger Cherry Ride, at 6:34 PM  

BI:
Maybe TG has a similar sign with HER grandfather's picture on it? A picture of her granfather HAVING an orgasm? (Sorry for the visual, TG). You get my drift. Then hers and yours could go side-by-side.

By Blogger Leezer, at 7:23 PM  

side-by-side...and right over the bed. i'm stickin to it!

By Blogger heatheradair, at 7:39 PM  

This is why I've always contended that a man should have a Man Sanctuary basement for all things tacky and/or stupid. Let her have the rest of the house, but let me have a place to hang my hat, and a place to hang my Schlitz lamps and paintings of dogs playing poker, cards, shuffleboard, and whatever other parlor games they played in paintings.

By Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, at 9:13 PM  

I love this sign. Screaming Orgasm drinks are great! I assume since it's a family 'heirloom' you wouldn't ditch it completely, but I would buy it if you did!

By Anonymous Samara, at 12:02 AM  

Funny...this is something I would love to have..and my husband would forbid. Hmm.

By Blogger Dell, at 1:00 AM  

I don't even want to think about the word orgasm around relatives.

By Blogger hanmee, at 7:03 AM  

Sense-of-Humor. That's what this is about. That sign is HILARIOUS. I'm in agreement that the bathroom, or office would be an ideal compromise.

By Blogger work in progress, at 8:07 AM  

A keeper. In a hallway, the kitchen, a den or family room when you have one. Not in the bathroom where it would seem creepy to be naked/touching your pieces parts around it..not in the bedroom 'cuz that's disgusting. A keeper for sure though.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:24 AM  

Anyone ever tell you that your grandfather looks like Syracuse basketball coach Jim Boeheim in this picture?

I say it stays...and Go Orange!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:22 AM  

At first glance, a little creepy, but once the story comes out, very cool. Definitely a keeper.

By Blogger babyoog, at 9:23 AM  

i think you need to accept that there is a reason why this was in your parent's basement.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:48 AM  

it's something that should be stored behind the couch. not discarded but perhaps not displayed. unless in the vicinity of a ping pong table.

By Blogger Amanda, at 10:03 AM  

This is so utterly fabulous I can hardly stand it! I want one too. You have to keep it. How could she even question you on this one?

By Blogger ❉ pixie ❉, at 10:21 AM  

Step 1: Take everything owned by either one of you that the other doesn't like... put it in a big box.

Step 2: Set a number. We'll say six.

Step 3: Have Scott come over, blindfold him, and let him randomly pick six things out of the box.

Step 4: Put those things up on the wall.

Step 5: Put the rest of the box in storage.

Luck of the draw.

(Your other option is to just move in with Nick who said, "Whatever, I trust you," and let me decorate the entire place. Worked wonderfully.)

By Blogger Libby Mae Brown, at 10:36 AM  

HAHAHA

"did you enjoy your orgasm?"

By Anonymous Kerry, at 10:47 AM  

BI:
It's 8:23 a.m. Pacific time, and still no new post!!! What is the outcome of the orgasm-poll? Does it stay or go?

P.S. I spend more time on your blog than on my own. Sad.

By Blogger Leezer, at 11:27 AM  

August 2005:

"But I do know that The Girlfriend is in trouble when we move in move in together, because she’s exhausted one of her three item vetoes so far on my “Bath: 25¢ (soap extra)” sign and surely she will use another one on this trophy. So that means I’m definitely getting in either my “Romeo and Mooliet” cow figurine or my framed Dewar’s ad that says “Do you really want this guy to give you a screaming orgasm?” where we pasted a picture of my grandfather’s face over the bartender’s face. Score."

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:29 AM  

This needs to be prominently displayed for all to see. Is TG a minimalist or something?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:38 AM  

Its a keeper. I'm just glad he's not my Grandfather because I'd let him give me a Screaming Orgasm anytime...


Too far?

By Blogger Julie_Gong, at 11:42 AM  

Keep It!

By Anonymous abigailroad, at 11:51 AM  

I'm with VF - don't make me sit here and do REAL work instead!

By Blogger heatheradair, at 11:55 AM  

If you opt not to keep it...I'll take it........I think its amazing.

Aly

By Anonymous Aly, at 4:50 PM  

Gah. Can you take your grandfather's face off of it>? 'Cause that's the deal breaker. Dude, that's your grandfather.

*shudder*

By Blogger Fraulein N, at 2:49 PM  

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