I finally caved to the convenience of banking with JPMorgan Chase – Where The Right Relationship (and not having to walk more than one block to an ATM) Is EverythingTM. With their recent installment of a Chase ATM in every single Duane Reade drugstore in Manhattan, they have firmly established themselves as THE bank for anyone who hates carrying their body weight around with their legs. PLUS, they sent me a ridiculous advertisement in the mail to get $100(!) just for opening a checking account with them. No fees, no minimum balances, nothing. Just give them some of your money and they give you a hundred dollars. Now I know why the girl in the Chase commercial is so excited and so confident that she’s going to make it after all.
But there was one problem. Apparently, they don’t automatically order checks for you when you open an account. I was given a book of about 20 temporary checks, which is fine because I’ve managed to electronify myself to the point where I write one check per month – my rent. Everything else can be taken care of online. So took my temporary checkbook and was satisfied with that.
Then I realized that with my new checking account, I would have to change all the account information for my online payments as well as my ING Direct savings account, which works by transferring money from your checking account through their website. However, in order to set up the link between your checking account and their website, you have to send them a voided check. No, you can’t just read them the numbers over the phone because, as the nice lady at ING Direct told me, “then anyone could link up their account and steal all your money.” Good enough for me.
No big deal, I thought. I’ll just send them one of these temporary checks I have. Then I opened the checkbook for the first time. Apparently, Chase likes to give their customers options for decorative checks that match their personality. Here are my two choices.
Daffy Duck in a dandy pose amidst piles of gold bullion, or (go ahead, take a closer look) WINNIE THE POOH riding in a BOAT with Christopher Robin towards a TREE where PIGLET awaits their arrival. Somehow I was given the “My First Bank Account” temporary checkbook. Only I’m not 12. So really it’s more like my own little way of telling the world, “I’m retarded.”