The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Wednesday, May 10

Chase Bank Thinks They Know Me

I finally caved to the convenience of banking with JPMorgan Chase – Where The Right Relationship (and not having to walk more than one block to an ATM) Is EverythingTM. With their recent installment of a Chase ATM in every single Duane Reade drugstore in Manhattan, they have firmly established themselves as THE bank for anyone who hates carrying their body weight around with their legs. PLUS, they sent me a ridiculous advertisement in the mail to get $100(!) just for opening a checking account with them. No fees, no minimum balances, nothing. Just give them some of your money and they give you a hundred dollars. Now I know why the girl in the Chase commercial is so excited and so confident that she’s going to make it after all.

But there was one problem. Apparently, they don’t automatically order checks for you when you open an account. I was given a book of about 20 temporary checks, which is fine because I’ve managed to electronify myself to the point where I write one check per month – my rent. Everything else can be taken care of online. So took my temporary checkbook and was satisfied with that.

Then I realized that with my new checking account, I would have to change all the account information for my online payments as well as my ING Direct savings account, which works by transferring money from your checking account through their website. However, in order to set up the link between your checking account and their website, you have to send them a voided check. No, you can’t just read them the numbers over the phone because, as the nice lady at ING Direct told me, “then anyone could link up their account and steal all your money.” Good enough for me.

No big deal, I thought. I’ll just send them one of these temporary checks I have. Then I opened the checkbook for the first time. Apparently, Chase likes to give their customers options for decorative checks that match their personality. Here are my two choices.

Daffy Duck in a dandy pose amidst piles of gold bullion, or (go ahead, take a closer look) WINNIE THE POOH riding in a BOAT with Christopher Robin towards a TREE where PIGLET awaits their arrival. Somehow I was given the “My First Bank Account” temporary checkbook. Only I’m not 12. So really it’s more like my own little way of telling the world, “I’m retarded.”


How funny would it be to receive a check from a twenty-something urbanite, only to discover he loves The Pooh so much that his banking transaction involve the bear?

Too funny is the answer.

By Blogger Kelly, at 4:02 PM  

Whatever. I had Garfield checks until I was like 24. :)

By Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders, at 4:04 PM  

Really? When I switched over to Chase they automatically ordered my plain blue, professional-looking checks on the spot.

Fact that I'm cuter than you: confirmed.

By Blogger T.G., at 4:09 PM  

You know I hate banks with the white hot heat of one thousand suns. If I were you, I'd ask to see the Vice President of Operations - in his office during peak banking hours - and present him or her with Pooh and Daffy. Make him or her decide.

By Blogger Leezer, at 4:13 PM  

My boyfriend has M&M checks. I think his mother ordered them for him. Which just proves that his mother is evil. But that's beside the point - go with Daffy, the Pooh one is just depressing.

By Blogger Hope, at 4:15 PM  

I used to have checks that looked like they were drawn in crayon when I was in college. You wouldn't believe the amount of checkout people at supermarkets that told me I needed to use "real checks" when I was making a purchase. Dumbasses. They'd even seen me tear them out of the checkbook from my checkbook folder. I suppose I could've I've mastered the art of reproducing checks from my home, and have a check binding machine that binds them and has the handy-dandy perferation line on it as well, but I decided to go ahead and create the print with yellow, red, and blue crayon for authenticity's sake. I'm one damned fine counterfitter, my friends.

I have grown-up checks now, though. Like you, I use one or two a month. I only ordered new ones 2 and a half years ago because I moved to my new house and needed to have the proper addy on them. Before that, I hadn't ordered them in over 2 years because I'd been in the same apartment for that long.

And ING Direct is da BOMB. 4% interest? Are you kidding? Fuck yes. That's my kind of savings account, yo.

By Blogger Faith, at 4:28 PM  

geez. on the flipside, these are the best checks to cash when your only forms of ID are a learner's permit and a Spencers Gifts discount card.

By Blogger ducklet, at 4:39 PM  

The clerks who didn't like your checks were dead wrong. You can write use a watermelon as a check, and as long as there is a payee, payor, amount, and a few other other things required by the Uniform Commercial Code.

By Blogger Leezer, at 4:52 PM  

See? Even Chase thinks I could beat you up... I mean, at least my free checks were varied and adult... :-)

And ING is now up to 4.15! Why won't anybody I know see the wonder that is 4.15% interest and sign up so I can get the free money?

By Blogger Rebecca, at 4:59 PM  

All hail Visa checking cards.

That's all I have to say.

By Blogger Janet, at 5:10 PM  

ING is the bomb. I put $10 in, they gave me $25 and I now have like $42 or something. Now if I would just actually figure out how to put more money in there, I could start really making bank.

By Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders, at 5:32 PM  

Actually, I think it would be fun to pay the IRS and all those other bastards with a little cartoon fun. Keep a hold of those- the idea will get funnier the older you get and the more serious shit you get expected to pay.

By Blogger Fig, at 6:04 PM  

Christopher Robin was a tremendous wuss.

By Blogger p_is_for_payj, at 6:06 PM  

Send them the Smug Daffy check. It's like you're bragging about all the money you'll be storing at the Chase bank-- and nothing says "I am a rich man not to be trifled with" like a cartoon duck in front of some bank. Ooooh, meta!

By Blogger mysterygirl!, at 10:27 PM  

I'm glad somebody looked into that free $100 thing. I wish I could wake up one day and EVERYBODY would hand me $100. "Here's your #1 meal w/ a supersized diet coke, oh, and here's your $100."

By Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, at 11:17 PM  

Maybe the $100 dollars is part a corporate campaign to rid the bank of these Daffy and Pooh books? Sort of like those left-over happy meal toys we grew up getting at McDonald's. I once got a frightening jack-o-lantern around Christmas... I've never been the same since.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:55 AM  

These are ten times better than those hideous angel and cherub checks that half the women in this country like to use. What's up with that anyway?

I think it's time for me to order new checks. If only I could get them in a Swingers theme with "You're so money and you don't even know it!" written on them.

By Blogger Sexy Lexi, at 9:59 AM  

SHUT UP! Ahem...I still have Seseme Street Checks..and I consider myself extremely mature and cool. Maybe slighly retarded at times, but still, mature and cool.

You see, I never write checks either, everything is online, from my mortgage to my phone's just so easy!

By Blogger Jenni, at 10:23 AM  

Seriously, this post made me laugh so hard I had to minimize my screen quickly when people came into my office wondering what I was laughing at. (Blogging is frowned upon in my work place.) Thanks for the post!

By Blogger Leezer, at 10:40 AM  

A)I love being retarded.
B)Why such emascualting checks anyway? Maybe the men folk of this country would use them more if they had Eighties hairband logos on them like Guns 'n Roses and Warrant and let us not forget the mighty Twisted Sister...Yeah there's a market there I'm sure.

By Blogger JP, at 12:35 PM  

As a former Bank Teller I can tell you that people are indeed judging you based on your designer checks. We will laugh at you the minute your back is turned, if not sooner if presented with a "Precious Moments" check. And if you hand me an "I Support the NRA" Check, well, chances are your mortgage payment is going to be late that month.

By Blogger Cupcake, at 3:22 PM  

Ok I am the expert on Chase, because I work there. I have NASCAR checks, yes I am white, how can you tell?? Anyways, depends on what type of account you have, if we automatically order checks for you or not. We are supposed to at least tell you, hey we arent ordering checks for you, do it yourself. Or hey would you like me to order your first set of checks for you? Then temp checks are to let people know the different styles of checks we have, but that isnt all of them. We have 5 Chase branches on the same road within 10 miles of each other. NOT ATMS, but BRANCHS, Try commission off of that. Also I believe there are like 20 other banks on this same road.

By Blogger Softball Slut, at 3:51 PM  

Hey, at least now you don't have to get that tattoo of the Tasmanian Devil holding a can of Bud to properly express your retardedness to the world. Your fancy new checks are less painful. Slightly, anyway.

By Blogger Helen the Felon, at 4:46 PM  

Jenni's just proved that buying Sesame Street checks is no substitute for actually watching Ernie & Bert teach you how to spell. This post brought to you by the letter "A."

"I still have Seseme [sic] Street Checks..and I consider myself extremely mature and cool."

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:22 PM  

When I linked up my ING account to a new checking account a few weeks ago, they wouldn't even take the temp. checks. It had to be a check with my name and address printed on it. So you may still need to order checks anyway. (I know, not really the point of the post, but important nonetheless.)

By Blogger Jolene, at 5:31 PM -- while not as slick -- is paying 4.5% interest versus ING's 4.15%. All the same features: monthly xfer, etc. Their rates are routinely a quarter-point to a half-point above ING. Look for the big banner at 42d & 8th.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:32 PM  

i'm pretty sure it's an upturned umbrella, not a boat.

i'm just saying.

By Blogger red wine, at 9:38 AM  

I also just switched from Bank of America, which hijacked Fleet (I loved them), and started charging 2.00 extra every time I took money out of their non-existent ATMs. My company just had a "chase at work" event, so I broke down and switched since there's an atm right outside of my office now.

I also got the goofus checks, but then I got a small order of Chase checks about two days later, so watch your mailbox, you might be getting more grownup checks soon. However, there was no address printed on them, just my name.

And thanks for whoever posted the tip about emigrant savings... good to know about that. I tried siging up for ING once and something went wrong, and I've never been able to straigthen it out... if only I could remember what went wrong now.

By Blogger Elderta, at 1:04 PM  

Consider yourself lucky. 80% of the temporary checks I received when I opened my last checking account were "Love is..." level schmaltz.

By Blogger Charles Star, at 6:25 PM  

I find your blog rather helpful, since it has something to do with the Chase. On the I found plenty of complaints in the address of the bank and now I doubt whether I should deal with it. The clients are not satisfied. This means the services and conditions are far from being perfect. The financial institutions are all about making profits of their own and they do not care about the customers.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:37 AM  

I opened an account and i'm out of town now in a little town that doesn't even have a street light...... FAR from ANYWHERE lol. Does anyone know how the heck to use these temporary checks? I haven't gotten my ATM card in the mail yet

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:43 AM  

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