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Wednesday, May 17

Five Tips For Great Email Subjects To Seduce Others

In response to yesterday’s post about’s lame advice, I respond with my own lame advice.

1. Make the person feel as though they are included in a special bond with you

e.g. “I need your help with a dog murder”

The Girlfriend once sent me an email with this as the subject. And what is more intimate than being implicated in a murder with someone?

2. Be direct with the person about how you feel

e.g. “Why you’re driving me insane lately”

Another email from The Girlfriend. I felt a distinct closeness after I read it, like there was no one else in the world who was driving her as insane as I was; so insane, in fact, that she needed to put it out there, boldly and without reservation.

3. For my money’s worth (along with most copy editors) nothing beats good wordplay

e.g. “KY? Because I like it.”

I have used this one, to varied results. The key is to know a little about who you’re writing to, such as whether or not they would be offended by something like suggesting you use a personal lubricant with them.

4. A thing or phrase that has nothing to do with anything

e.g. “Shoestring licorice”

Back in 1997, before emoticons, when the internet was still a curious place, a girl I had a high school crush on (who was older than me and went off to college) used this as the subject in an email. Some time later, I was riding my bike through our small town when I saw her riding her bike going the opposite direction on the other side of the road. She didn’t notice me as I tried to flag her down, and in my haste to cross the street and get to her I was almost hit by a car and ended up running into a tree branch. That was the last time I ever saw her, but I still remember that email.

5. “hey, [insert nickname]”

For girls, try something cute or complimentary. For guys, try something smart-assy.

e.g. (various subjects I have used with The Girlfriend)

“hey, smart”
“hey, slappy”
“hey, quacky”
“hey, toothy”
“hey, hot stuff”
“hey, big shot”
“hey, daily water soluble fiber”
“hey, smarty pants”
“hey, stinky”
“hey, see through problems”

I suggest coming up with your own as certain, more specific examples may not apply.


Three pick-up lines for guys to use at a bar, because we all know girls don’t use pick-up lines they use low cut shirts and eye makeup.

1. “I would offer to buy you a drink, but you seem drunk enough.” If she’s not drunk, everyone has a good laugh. If she is you know you’ve chosen wisely.

2. “You remind me of [ambiguously attractive celebrity].”

No girl believes it when you say that they remind you of Jennifer Aniston or Scarlet Johanson. But if you take it down a notch and say, “You remind me of that girl, what’s her name, the one from Saved By The Bell when they were working at the beach club.” Then everyone says, “Oh yeah, I remember her,” and then the girl says, “Really? Her?” And you say, “Yeah, I used to have a huge crush on her.” And then she says, “But isn’t she like 40 now? And she’s on that show with the fat husband, right?” and you say, “Whatever, you look nothing like her, wanna go to my place?”

3. Follow a girl when she goes outside to smoke. Once she lights up, lean over and say, “I know like three people that have died of cancer. It’d be awful if you died.” It covers all the bases: it shows that you are concerned about her welfare, that you would be sad if anything bad happened to her, and, most importantly, the fact that you’re already looking into the future you hope to have with her shows you are ready to make a commitment. It’s really foolproof.


Another startup line I've found fun at bars(albeit wholly useless and unsuccessful). "Before we get going here, I think it's only fair to let you know I've built up an immunity to mace. So if you're not interested it's going to need to be a kick to the balls...Hi, I'm Travis."
Verbal dynamite.

By Blogger Whatever, at 3:22 PM  

Ambigously attractive celebrity-lines are recommended only if the celebrity was popular in this century. I was told in a bar that I looked like Olivia Newton John. I was perplexed, not flattered.

By Blogger Leezer, at 3:29 PM  

okay, based on your experience, what's the success rate on each?

By Blogger treespotter, at 3:41 PM  

When I tried Match I figured out pretty quickly that these girls get inundated by emails so the key to getting a date is demonstrate quickly that you have something that makes you superior to everyone else who she is considering replying to or demonstrate something that you both have in common.

Email Subject Lines I've Successfully Used:

1) I don't kick Puppies
2) I'm not a cannibal, but that other guy you're thinking of writing to is
3) not a registered sex 'bout u?

Sometimes I'll just say "I love sex" in the subject line and send them a picture of a giant penis that I found on the internet. I think pith is key to getting the message accross in a dating email.

By Blogger HomeImprovementNinja, at 3:46 PM  

It's clear based on your pick-up lines that you and TG have been dating for awhile...

By Blogger Libby Mae Brown, at 3:50 PM  

Out of the email subjects, I would have to say the most successful approach is number 1. The sooner you can extract a girl from the rest of her world and make her understand that it's just you and her now, for better or worse, no one cares about her but you, the better positioned you'll be.

By the way, I like the "immunity to mace" line. It shows strength.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 3:50 PM  

Number 2 homeimprovement's list is another awesome tactic. I wholeheartedly support the premeptive mocking of every other guy she is talking to, whether you know them or not. Just make every single joke at their expense. I love it.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 3:53 PM  

Unfortunately, I don't have any of the emails from when I was courting her. I'll have to ask her if she still has any. Show everyone how it is REALLY done.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 4:06 PM  

Any ideas as to why nobody responds to my "*PERMANENT%#ENLARG_ER" subject headings?

By Blogger mysterygirl!, at 4:07 PM  

Why did TG need your help in killing a dog?

And I totally am going to send my bf a "why you're driving me insane lately" email. I'll have to wait until he drives me insane, but that can't take too long. Or "Where the hell are the flowers I keep telling you to suprise me with?" TG should write her own blog, full of tips on how she deals with you. I'd totally read that.

By Blogger Rebecca, at 4:36 PM  

This made me go back to my email and look up some email subjects sent to and from my boyfriend. Favorites:
"Baby, I'm gonna butter your bread"
"You smell like poop"
"I know what's going on" to which he replied with one that said "I don't know what's going on"
"An old old wooden ship"
"Jeff spreads Hope" ba dum dum
Now that's love.

By Blogger Hope, at 4:45 PM  

I was always told to try movie lines, but the problem is I've really only ever seen one movie, so I'm pretty much limited to:

Tequila leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate (dramatic pause) leads to my place.

Many Bothans died to bring you this vodka tonic.

I would like to feel the good in you.

By Blogger ducklet, at 4:52 PM  

Hope: "You smell like poop"?? Was that one to you or from you? Curious.

I'd like to see some possible responses to these pick-up lines. One I used years ago: "I'd love to [go out with you/f*** you] but my Mom broke both of her legs and I have to go now to give her a bath."

By Blogger Leezer, at 5:42 PM  

Actual subjects of emails from Dan to me:

"tea: why do i do it?"
"hi, i'm a bear"
"i ran out of facial tissues"
"i bought a turkey sandwich!"
"dammit! i just got your message about the lotion!"
"it's 5 days until my birthday!"
"it's 4 days until my birthday!"
"it's 3 days until my birthday!"
"it's 2 days until my birthday!"
"coffee percolator experiments"
"work is a dull burning pain that never goes away"
"i think my clothes smell"
"i have a lot of hair on my face"
"i have your high-fiber food and i'm holding it hostage"

By Blogger T.G., at 6:03 PM  

I think the last email Josh sent me was titled "Have you seen my weiner?" Don't ask.

I mean we ARE married afterall.

But really, I think it had something to do with this

By Blogger Jenni, at 8:59 AM  

I went through my old emails to/from my ex and sadly, I never use subject lines. So it basically goes:

" "
"Re: "
"Re:Re: "
"Re:Re:Re: "

You get the picture. Maybe that's why we're no longer together. I didn't take the time to think of witty subject lines.

By Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders, at 9:39 AM  

some people just have really weird correspondence, i read mine, and they're superfluously boring. more like "re: re: Re: Re: Re: stuff..."

may be i should be grateful, only now i know why that girl from Camden think i was a cannibal.

By Blogger treespotter, at 10:46 AM  

I like the "tea: why do I do it?" one.

Just looked through my own boyfriend's email subjects, and got "worcestershire sauce," "this is about zombie pets," and "thanks for your donation, Kyung!"

By Blogger threetoedsloth, at 11:29 AM  

not only is she on a show with a fat guy, she's fat now too. Yeah, I think that line is foolproof too.

By Blogger Tim, at 11:50 AM  

This is a very interesting blog and so i like to visit your blog again and again. Keep it up.


By Blogger sharon, at 6:17 AM  

you need to understand right from the beginning that the “best” subject lines are going to be completely dependent on who you’re emailing and what your respective “niche” is. However, in this case it’s our goal to provide you with email subject lines that tend to work well in a variety of niches.

By Anonymous Top 10 Best Email Subjects to Start With, at 9:23 PM  

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