David Blaine, who spent an entire week submerged in a sphere of water in an attempt to set the record for . . . the longest anyone has ever spent submerged in a sphere of water, has failed to reach his second goal, which was to hold his breath for nine minutes, breaking the world record of 8 minutes 58 seconds. After freeing himself from shackles around the 6 minute mark, Blaine struggled and was removed from the tank with the assistance of divers just past the seventh minute.
This reminds me of the time when I was in high school and I decided I wanted to be the first person ever to bike across the United States. So I bought a bike and began training. Every day I would ride around my neighborhood – 8 miles, 10 miles, 15 miles, until finally I rode 25 miles down the Long Island coast and back home, where I realized that my dream was an impossibility. No man could ever endure such a hardship . . .
Wait, you’re saying someone’s actually done this before? MORE THAN ONCE?! They have tours that take families on bike trips across the country? Well . . . I guess that just goes to show you how silly these kinds of stunts can be. Because whether you achieve success or failure, Yahoo news will still be concerned with more important things even after you almost drown in a pool of your own hubris.
This is a serious matter. I’ve heard butterflies can be extremely dangerous, especially when angered after being chased through a pasture with a large net on a pole. They have been known to respond with aggressive tactics, such as landing on your nose and tickling you.
Update!: According to an article in “The Peninsula” (Qatar’s Leading English Daily) “Blaine has rashes on his body, and his heart has now adapted to life under water which makes his return to the outside more complicated.”
COME ON YAHOO! THE MAN’S TURNING INTO A SEA MONSTER BEFORE OUR EYES!