The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Thursday, May 11

It Came With A Note That Said “Cute, Huh?”


It’s no secret that my mom reads this, made evident by the phone calls I get from her after writing a post including terms such as “hand job” and “chode” where she says things like, “Your post was interesting today . . .” or “What’s a chode?” (I urge everyone, if you can ever get a parent to ask you that question, do it. It’s beyond hilarious, plus it takes your relationship to that next level when you can share the word chode.)

Also no secret is that my mom supports everything I do. I could tell her I’ve chosen to become homeless, and she would hem and haw at first but eventually she would relent and take me shopping for everything I would need. When I told her I wanted to play hockey, she became the head of the Mothers Guild for the team. When I told her I wanted to major in English and eventually go to law school, she sent me books with notes saying “Thought you would like this.” When I decided I wasn’t going to attend law school, and loathed the idea of going back to school at all, she would fax articles cut from the newspaper to me at work about low interest student loans for graduate school and exciting educational opportunities, which isn’t so much support in the traditional sense but I knew she was thinking of me.

And then I started this blog, and she has read every post, commented on a few and even made her friends read a few, although she’s not that current on linking specific posts in emails, so while she may only want to send this cute little post to her friend, she sends them the basic link to my blog meaning that a few days later, when they click on it, this is the post at the top of the page.

Mom: “No, no, scroll down past the pictures of the teenage girls.”

Nothing, though, can come close to this t-shirt I received in the mail yesterday. Custom made from some website (how she found it, I’ll never know), it’s the epitome of the love a mother may have for her son. What this shirt says to me is “If I ever need money, or shelter, or bone marrow, my mother will be there for me.”

Unfortunately it also says “Blah.” I’m sure you couldn’t customize the phrase “check out my blog,” but still it seems pretty boring, doesn’t it? Not funny, not fierce, not even insulting or a thinly veiled reference to underground drug culture. Just “check out my blog.” So while you can bet that sometime in the near future I will find a way to get behind a Channel 4 newscaster while wearing this shirt, here are a few alternate slogans, just for future reference.



































































































































38 Comments:

I think "Please Like Me" should just be the theme for the whole blogosphere. Or at least, "Please Pay Attention to Me!" I wonder how many bloggers are English majors who got into the real world and realized no one would pay them to write, or middle and younger siblings who just want someone to love them... Also, "bringing new meaning to the word 'useless'" just seems very The Daily Show to me.

And if I moved to New York? My mom, while being supportive, would start sending me articles and books like How to Come Back Alive:15 Ways to Escape from a Knife-Wielding Monkey or "How to Jump Under Your Car So That You Can Be Stuck Under Your Car While Someone Is Trying to Mug You" (that one I actually read).

By Blogger Rebecca, at 2:28 PM  

The last one does it for me.

By Blogger belligerent mother, at 2:29 PM  

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

By Blogger abby, at 2:32 PM  

Can your mom do a guest post, by any chance? You know, a Mother's Day treat, or something?

By Blogger abby, at 2:33 PM  

Also, thanks to you, my office now knows what the word chode means. We had to look it up...

By Blogger Rebecca, at 2:48 PM  

Abby - I would never muscle in on my son's territory but suffice it to say that being his mom has been wonderful, terrifying, hilarious, challenging but above all, a blessing. Even when he uses phrases like "hand job" and posts pictures of half-naked women.

Boys will be boys.

By Blogger belligerent mother, at 2:51 PM  

BI:

You're very lucky, you know. And Rebecca - it's not only English majors that blog because they want to feel the love, I went to law school as BI's mother suggested he do, and look where I spend all my time . . .

By Blogger Leezer, at 2:59 PM  

vof: Yeah, my dad wanted me to be a lawyer... I was never sure whether that was a compliment or an insult, since he hates lawyers. And I figured not ALL bloggers were English majors... It just seemed like several that I had read lately are. WE ALL JUST WANT LOVE!!! Or are all just bored at work. Either way.

By Blogger Rebecca, at 3:05 PM  

Wow, it's like an entirely different, terrifying word when your mom types it.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 3:06 PM  

Yeah, on second thought that's probably best, B.M. I can just hear the other bloggers now, "Hey Dan, why don't you go have your MOM write your blog for you!" Dan would skulk off, mumbling, "I even ripped the sleeves off my new t-shirt and everything..."

By Blogger abby, at 3:26 PM  

But there isn't a "www" in front of the address??

Great shirts, though!

By Blogger liberalbanana, at 3:29 PM  

My favorite is the "Please Like Me" one as well. I want that shirt, dammit. (But I'm gonna need a v-neck...I hate traditional t's.)

I was an English major as well. And my dad wanted me to become a lawyer...it took a long time to convince him that my brain simply does not have the capacity for that amount of useless information.

But then I became an admin assistant instead, and now I've spent the past 9 years or so gathering useless information from each of the 4 main companies I've worked at. Go me!

By Blogger Faith, at 3:29 PM  

Your mom is awesome. I hope you have a damn good Mother's Day gift picked out for her-- she's more than earned that $131,000 or however much she is worth.

By Blogger mysterygirl!, at 3:50 PM  

& what is a chode?!

By Anonymous Helen Sparkles, at 8:45 PM  

Helen: Google it. I had to.

By Blogger Leezer, at 10:14 PM  

word of the day: chode
http://thedailydump.blogspot.com

By Blogger Noblesse Oblige, at 11:04 PM  

I like "as seen on The Internet" - classic.

My parents were reading my blog all the time too for awhile. Then they were sending it to family (like grandparents)and I didn't like that - kind of limits your content range. The last time I asked them about it they said "We don't read it every day" like they're all disinterested now...

By Blogger rawbean, at 11:20 PM  

BI:
Can you give us even a HINT of what was in the comment you deleted?????
- Nosy V of F

By Blogger Leezer, at 11:56 PM  

"What's a chode?"

Well, now I know how I'll be spending Mother's Day!

My family plus my in-laws (and distant relatives who have since deemed me "nuts") read my blog, so I've got to keep things fairly lame.

Your mom sounds terrific, by the way. Love the shirt slogans.

By Blogger Jess Riley, at 1:02 AM  

Those are all good. "Please like Me" and "as seen on the internet" are probably ones that you could sell to people, like team jerseys but for the internet.

I can't think of a good one for me. THe only thing I came up with was "like a kick in the face, but without the stitches". Or "I wouldn't need to blog if my parents loved me." That'll be a great one for mother's day.

By Blogger HomeImprovementNinja, at 9:17 AM  

You've got to love any discussion that includes people consistently using the word "chode."

And I didn't delete the comment, whoever posted it did. Most likely they noticed after the fact that there was a typo and deleted it and recommented. That's my guess. I don't really delete comments unless they are spam. Or ham. Or any meat, really.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 10:34 AM  

You're a lucky guy. She reads your tales of debauchery and then sends you materials to market them. Your mom, for lack of a better term, rocks. Send me shirt.
Cheers,
JP

By Blogger JP, at 10:43 AM  

BI:
Whew. (I deleted comments from someone I thought was stalking me. The comments weren't vulgar, just too familiar. I pictured some guy at his computer all day smoking pot - thus the man-boobs, not that I have a vivid imagination - and collecting government assistance. My Dad finally had to tell me it was him, and that he was yanking my chain. Sorry for the life-story, thought it was something like that though . . .)

By Blogger Leezer, at 11:44 AM  

Chode is a word that needs to be used more in discussions with ones parents...much like the term "Hot Carl."

Yes, I wrote "Hot Carl" have fun with that one!

By Blogger Jenni, at 11:51 AM  

What's a Hot Carl?

That's right, I did it.

By Blogger JP, at 12:30 PM  

Woops. I just looked it up on UrbanDictionary.com...Forget it..
That's no way to live.

By Blogger JP, at 12:34 PM  

Yup, you're a fine replacement for heroin.

That's awesome. The only comments my mom makes about my blog is on my excessive use of the "f word"

By Blogger Heather B., at 12:55 PM  

Ew, ew, ew, ew... Hot Carl? I want my innocence back...

And maybe you should try "Stealing Innocence Daily," or "Better Than Sex-Ed Class" after exposing us to all these terms...

By Blogger Rebecca, at 2:08 PM  

BI: You should seriously sell those shirts. I'd buy one. And maybe stick "chode" and/or "hot carl" on them somewhere too.

By Blogger Cherry Ride, at 2:12 PM  

am i really the only one who is chode-illiterate?
what is it?

By Blogger treespotter, at 2:25 PM  

A couple years ago some a group of my friend (me included) got into a viscous argument about the "correct" term for chode. I was surprised it had so many different names. I still prefer "Taint". Anyhoo, it got WAY too heated and we all decided to agree to disagree on the matter. Keep in mind all said friends are college grads, some even practicing lawyers.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:55 PM  

I have a friend who prefers "grundle," which . . . yeah, I can't even type it without laughing.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 3:03 PM  

What about "pengis" and "flode?"

By Blogger Leezer, at 8:17 PM  

Is it wrong that I knew what a hot carl was without looking it up?

By Blogger ❉ pixie ❉, at 5:26 PM  

also known as the gooch

By Anonymous shawna, at 5:27 PM  

This has got to be one of the funniest blogs I have ever read!
I'm bookmarking it.
You are possitively adorable!

But...whats a chode?

mmi

By Anonymous mmi, at 8:23 AM  

okay. getting your mother to ask you to explain the definition of CHODE..has GOT TO BE...the best thing I have heard all day.

good work.

chode.

what a word. how about SPOOGE?

By Anonymous stella, at 5:35 PM  

really? it's hot Carl? i've always pictured it with a K

By Blogger Lord of the Barnyard, at 5:03 PM  

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