The Daily Dump

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Monday, May 1

Japan Doesn’t Believe In Social Services


I’m really stinking busy today, but never ever too stinking busy to report on child abuse. Well, sometimes too busy to report on child abuse, but not this time, especially because this time it’s being passed off as a “ritual of spiritual cleansing.

Apparently, one of the cool things they do in Japan besides eating sushi and wearing robes is holding “crying sumo” contests where children are held up in front of a huge crowd of strangers by enormous, sumo wrestlers . . . who are also strangers. After that, it’s pretty straightforward – the first baby to cry wins, regardless of whether they are crying from physical, emotional, or psychological hurt.


Now I’ve been wrong about a lot of things, not the least of which being the time I thought it would be cool to try to tame a wild squirrel. But I’m pretty confident saying that this is weird, not to mention vaguely criminal. It’s like tying me to a chair and forcing me to watch The Notebook on loop to see how long it would take before I choked on my own tears. Sure it might be entertaining, but those are scars that . . . . . I’m sorry . . . it’s just, he loved her so much.

17 Comments:

I'm sorry Dan, but being groped as a child by a man wearing a loincloth until you scream in terror is not EXCLUSIVE TO JAPANESE TRADITIONS. STOP IT, DADDY, PLEASE!

oh, my. there, i've said too much again.

By Blogger ducklet, at 3:46 PM  

I have yet to see The Notebook but I am told I look like Rachel McAdams in that movie. And frankly I'm scared to see it...mostly because I heard it's REALLY sad.

On the note of child abuse, I've been known to get up off my beach blanket and yell at a woman who I felt was not only physically, but verbally abusing her children in public, at the beach. Also, I've been to Japan and Sumo wrestlers ARE really scarry, I would classify this as child endagerment, not necessarily child abuse, but still, most definately worth reporting.

By Blogger Jenni, at 3:49 PM  

He did love her that much. And I don't understand the joy of crying babies.

By Blogger Momentary Academic, at 4:01 PM  

Um, I know this is off the topic but I'm wondering whether the larger of the wrestlers requires assistance with daily hygiene. In particular, can he actually reach his business so as to cleanse it? Or does he employ an instrument of some kind, like a wash cloth tied to the end of a stick in order to get at the nasty bits?

By Blogger Leezer, at 4:44 PM  

I don't get it. I've always found it really easy to make a child cry. Or maybe I'd just be really good at this competition.

By Blogger Hope, at 4:51 PM  

I'm not sure exactly what kind of response I was expecting to this post, but I have to say that sodomy to Rachel McAdams to ass wiping was a bit of a surprise. I didn't see that one coming.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 5:10 PM  

Viscountess of Funk, I TOTALLY bet they have a rag on a stick.

And where was the sodomy? I missed that one. (Well, I wouldn't say I "missed" it... HA)

By Blogger mysterygirl!, at 5:20 PM  

Same can be said for church gatherings I suppose. Say you're two, and you're being forced to sit through an hour-long sermon without talking or crawling or doing anything else natural for you at that age, and when you do, every adult within glaring distance is glaring at you.

That is child abuse if I have ever heard of it.

And what is with the creepy person in the middle of that last photo? Is that a man or a woman? And why is he/she bending over and chuckling?

By Blogger Janet, at 5:51 PM  

I wonder if pinching is allowed?

I know that'd be my strategy.

Whaaaat? Why are you looking at me like that?

By Blogger K, at 11:45 PM  

I'm always up for a laugh at the expense of the japanese. By the way, here's a sit by a guy who lives in Tokyo and takes pictures of signs in Japan that are supposedly in english. www.engrish.com

By Blogger HomeImprovementNinja, at 5:58 AM  

I'm with the "they-use-a-towel-on-a-stick" contingent. Most definitely.

And sumo wrestlers in Japan are huge celebrities. I'd let Tom Cruise or Harrison Ford hold my baby until it cried, especially if I got on TV for it.

By Blogger p_is_for_payj, at 8:30 AM  

This is all mild amusement.

What I found more traumatic is the "girl-ifying" of infant/toddler/ young boys by their Asian moms.

When I visited my cousins in Korea, he and his brother had full blown perms, and looked very "pretty". They would also take hot pepper thick sauce, put it on the fingernails and wrap them in leaves to stain coloring on their nails.

I don't remember how long their mother kept this up when they moved to the states, but let's just say it doesn't work so well here.

(The kid in pink made me think of this.)

By Blogger hanmee, at 8:33 AM  

Someone should intorduce these guys to eye surgery. The grandpa glasses look is not as aggressive as they were told.

Also, the almost naked guy on the right in the top picure is obviously not fat enough to be sumo. I could not hide a cob of corn under his left underarm fat roll.

By Blogger Lord of the Barnyard, at 11:49 AM  

You know, I always think how much I might enjoy a trip to Japan, but then I hear about crap like this and Denmark ends up looking like a much better destination.

By Blogger Jess Riley, at 12:03 PM  

re: Taming Wild Squirrels. If you're feeling adventerous, taking a train ride to Parkchester in the Bronx. At the Metropolitan Avenue circle there's a park where the old folk have been feeding the squirrels for years. Now the squirrels come right up to you and eat out of your hands.

By Blogger Rune, at 12:09 PM  

Lots of diapers in that picture.

By Blogger ❉ pixie ❉, at 12:17 PM  

Lord of the Barnyard : _I_ am bigger than that kid on the right.

By Blogger hanmee, at 8:20 AM  

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