The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Wednesday, May 3

Patty Smyth Hypothesis Proven: Sometimes Love Really Ain’t Enough

Study: US mothers deserve $134,121 in salary

You’ve probably seen this story already, and if you’re a mother you’ve probably printed it out, framed it and emailed it to everyone you know with a subject line like “Fw: sO TRUE!!!!” poorly typed in your haste to let the world know that while “love” may be payment enough, monetary validation is the true hallmark of modern society.

I have no problem with this “study,” besides the fact that it’s stupid, baseless and stupid. And dangerous. Once you go around adding up every little thing a person does over the course of a day and attaching a price to it, you undermine the ideals of humanity which are loving others and helping others. My mom worked her ass off raising me, I understand that. But the only wage she needed was my smile and a hug. In fact, when I was young I would often pose cute little hypothetical situations to my mom to gauge how much she loved us. I would say, “Mom, if the house was burning down and you could only save one of us: me, Janine, Dad or the dog, who would you save?” She would always say that she could never choose because she loved us all equally. But you know what would happen if she were paid a six figure salary to raise me and my sister? My dad and the dog would be dead. That’s the danger of these kinds of studies.


I think your mom needs to post a comment to corroborate your "all she needed was a smile and a hug" theory. My mom told me just the other day she wish she had married for money instead of love.

By Blogger Betty, at 1:52 PM  

I think the key word there is "deserve". If it were titled "Mothers WILL RECEIVE $134,121 Annual Salary" I think your points would certainly be cause for concern. :)

Thank you, once again, for keeping us up-to-speed on urgent social and political matters.

By Blogger undercover celebrity, at 1:58 PM  

oh, that's just the start. can you imagine how many mothers would be kidnapped by sunni insurgents looking for ransoms? Baghdad would pretty much devolve into an unsafe vacation destination.

Or should i say, Bag-MOM?

(God that was lame even by my own low standards.)

By Blogger ducklet, at 2:16 PM  

No act of wordplay is to shallow for me, Brando. Or should I say MAN-do.

And I'm not saying mothers don't deserve recognition - but money? I'll only agree if we can also start tallying up my male escot fees from all the dates The Girlfriend and I have gone on. And she always opts for the "back massage" at the end of the night . . .

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 2:28 PM  

The study forgot to mention who would be dishing out the $134,121. I mean, if it's the kids, how the hell does that work? And I don't think God has a mint going or anything. Besides, could you imagine the inflation?

By Blogger Janet, at 2:31 PM  

These studies are always flawed because they always calculate the value of a wife's services by what a professional would charge. A chef might get $40 of $50 an hour to cook, but anyone who has ever tried my mom's cooking (if they survived)would tell you that it's crazy to think she should be paid that much.

Plus if I was married I would be upset if my wife charged me for routine sex. Isn't the reason you get married becuase you get tired of paying for it?



By Blogger HomeImprovementNinja, at 2:33 PM  

I agree with you. I hate stupid studies that attempt to initiate a modern "dialogue" about something as glaringly obvious as "don't take mothers for granted." Duh. If we start paying mothers for being mothers, then why stop there? Maybe I should get paid for my unique and valuable attributes such as my natural sarcasm, naturally blonde hair, that oh so fresh smell about me as I step out of the shower, and so on.

By Blogger Leezer, at 2:46 PM  

Like many a child who was born in the 80's, I was raised by Alf, Sophia, Dorothy, Blanche, Rose and He-Man. I was basically plopped in front of a t.v. at an early age. Perhaps all of the radiation that I was exposed to due to this is the reason for my super strength and studliness.

By Anonymous Johnson, at 3:43 PM  

You only think this is a stupid (you know I hate that word) study because you have a lot to measure up to. I should get $134,121.00 a DAY!!!!! And you know it.

By Blogger belligerent mother, at 4:15 PM  

If moms do start to get paid for their work, I'll reconsider wanting children.

So is that salary like, for one kid? Salary goes up depending on how many kids you have? Makes sense.

It might work out for men for a while because they'd be getting laid every day and night as every woman on earth tries to get preggers. And then who the hell is going to pay all those kids' Social Security payments? Not me. (Oh wait, I'll probably be dead by then.)

Anyway, yeah. Bad plan.

By Blogger liberalbanana, at 4:24 PM  

What about mothers who also work? Do they get paid too? My mother held down a full-time job and didn't have a nanny or anything. And while we're paying people what they're worth, teachers should be making more than anyone (no, not because they shape our futures, blah blah blah) because they basically take care of 30+ kids a day!

By Blogger Hope, at 4:32 PM  

I'm with Johnson on this. I think Dynasty and Guiding Light should get some funds from this salary my mother would get. I mean she did a lot, but frankly, they were the ones who kept me occupied. This explains so much really. Can someone get me Joan Collins' address...I'll send her a check.

By Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders, at 8:06 PM  

ooooooh i'm so getting knocked up later this week.
i accept all major credit cards and personal checks as long as you pass The Herp test. only because i cannot support the herpes industry.

By Blogger birdie, at 8:38 PM  

Whatever you do, don't forward this to the mysterymom!. There's no way that the bouquet that I was planning to send for Mother's Day is going to stack up against that.

By Blogger mysterygirl!, at 9:16 PM  

Hmmm...I'm really at a loss here, how can you put a price tag on unconditional love?

(Wow...that was extremely cheesy, even by my relatively loose cheesey standards...I think I just threw-up in my mouth.)

By Blogger Jenni, at 9:49 PM  

While your post was thought-provoking as usual, I just wanted to comment to let you know that I just made a Funfetti cake WITH Funfetti frosting for my daughter's 4th birthday today. Jealous?

By Blogger Carolyn, at 11:09 PM  

Damn, no comment is gonna top Carolyn's little tease.

Unless I can convince my mom to make me a funfetti cake...then I would seriously pay her that $134K.

By Blogger Sexy Lexi, at 9:00 AM  

I just calculated it and I deserve $32 for reading this post. And another $18 for reading all the comments. You can email me the check.

By Blogger Tim, at 10:51 AM  

Is it me, or is that baby really a very realistically rendered doll? I'm also kinda creeped out by that dollar sign on it's head.

By Blogger Jess Riley, at 12:41 PM  

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