The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Tuesday, June 6

A Few Short Things On This Day When I Can’t Stop Yawning

Last Thursday was one of the happiest afternoons in my life. I spent over an hour sitting in the waiting room at the Time Warner Customer Center on 23rd St., counting up from CUSTOMER NUMBER 627 to CUSTOMER NUMBER 708 (me). I sat between a large woman who smelled like a gyro and a man who was fast asleep, but a smile never left my face the whole time I was there. Why? Because that was the day I got to officially cancel my account with Time Warner Cable, the place to be [screwed]. My hatred for them is no secret, so you will know that it is without exaggeration that I literally giggled when I threw the cable box and cable modem on the counter and practically shouted, “I’m closing my account!”

Sure, technically I’m still supporting the company by paying half of The Girlfriend’s bill every month, but my name isn’t on it and that’s good enough for me. Also good enough for me will be when the cable guy comes over tonight to install our second cable box in the bedroom and I get to make pretend that I don’t really live there. So when he asks things like, “You want me to run this cable on the baseboard?” I can reply, “What the hell do I know? I don’t live here. I CANCELLED my subscription.” Or I can just do what I did last time and act sexually inappropriate. Or the time before, and kill him.















And now . . . (drum roll) . . . a wealth of trivia from Yahoo!(!)

– This baby had three arms! But then they removed one! Too bad!


















– Turns out Nietzsche was right!

– An alien in a duck! How cliché!

















– I don’t think frolic is the right word!

In more serious news, I also hung up a wine rack in the apartment.














That’s right, I installed the shit out of that thing.

I’ve actually seen this happen on an episode of “CSI.”

“Police on Tuesday identified the body as David Wayne Bodie, 45, a homeless man who apparently died of natural causes.”

OR DID HE?

And finally, a big Happy Birthday to The Girlfriend, whose birthday technically was yesterday, but I wanted to put as much time between her and ANALRAPIST as possible. Because, you know, she’s a classy girl. No analraping for her. No sir.


19 Comments:

I wrote a post about how when I was moving in March the cable guy came and turned our cable off in the old place 3 days before we were supposed to move out. I caught him before he left and bitched at him, because how DARE he make me miss something as important as America's Next Top Model! Then I felt bad because it wasn't his fault. Then, of course, they sent the same guy to install the cable in our new place. Damn you Time Warner!

Happy Birthday to The Girlfriend!

By Blogger Hope, at 3:36 PM  

BI:
I, too, hate the cable company with the white hot heat of a thousand suns. So you wanna know how I got revenge? I haven't given them any money since 1986. How's it working? TCI bought Viacom who bought Comcast who bought some other corporate conglomerate that is TAKING OVER THE FU**ING WORLD!!!!

By Blogger Leezer, at 4:06 PM  

My father (engineer) has been stealing cable for years, yet attends church every Sunday. I'm so damn proud of him and his contradictary ways.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:24 PM  

Was my present that you posted the ugliest picture of me ever?

By Blogger T.G., at 5:17 PM  

No, I got you that dress. Remember?

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 5:20 PM  

I think that was a present for me....not the dress

By Blogger [Disgrundled], at 6:39 PM  

HAppy Birthday TG!!!

Digging the wine rack

I abhore Time Warner. We had wireless installed and it wasnt working. so years later they sent a technician. He got there and said I dont know anything about wireless I cant help you. I finally fixed the damn thing myself. Farking assholes

By Blogger Softball Slut, at 6:45 PM  

I think I have wine-rack envy.

Happy Birthday to TG :-)

By Blogger Just, at 6:53 PM  

BI:
The wine rack looks like it's about head-high. Is it? If so, don't you worry about running into it all the time? It would happen to me.

By Blogger Leezer, at 7:02 PM  

Lesson Number One: Don't question the existence of God, he'll fuck your shit up.

Lesson Number Two: Don't be any type of installer having to install something at BI's house, he'll fuck your shit up.

Happy Birthday TG!

By Blogger Jenni, at 9:08 PM  

I saw that 3 armed kid on another blog, and I can't help but think they were a little hasty in removing the third arm. Let a guy try out an extra arm before you go hacking it off.

By Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, at 10:06 PM  

At first I thought that photo of the baby was photo cropped/shopped/fixed/edited... you name it. Article attached... so that is just weird! I feel sorry for the poor kiddo!

By Anonymous Kerry, at 10:06 PM  

I was going to comment on the content, and then dr. kenneth distracted me. i like his idea. kids are born all the time with one arm... They should definitely have left it (if in fact it was real).

Also, there is likely a better photo of your girl. Dress-gift or not.

By Blogger Kelly, at 11:24 PM  

Dan, at my first law firm, one of our biggest clients was Time Warner. Do you hate me now?

If it's any consolation, I hate AOL worse than you hate TIme Warner. Working for them made me feel like those Polish prisoner/enforcer guards at the concentration camps.

You're girlfriend is cute. SHe doesn't look the type who would date a degerate analrapist, but there you go ;)

By Blogger HomeImprovementNinja, at 9:00 AM  

i'm wondering, what exactly are you looking at in that picture tg?

By Blogger treespotter, at 9:03 AM  

BI:
Speaking of "inappropriate sexual behavior," did the cable guy know you were snapping pictures of him while he was in such a vulnerable position? Or did you put on some dickies (tee hee) and pose as cable guy while TG took the pic?

By Blogger Leezer, at 10:58 AM  

I have Comcast here...and i'm pretty sure my soul dies a little every time I have to deal with them.

too bad about that baby he could have got tons of use out of the "I can do ___ with two arms tied behind my back" phrase. Never have to worry about how to hold your beer while driving a stick shift either (kidding)

happy birthday tg!

By Blogger djmetronome, at 1:14 PM  

Happy belated birthday to the girlfriend!

So I'm wondering if the homeless guy had a heart attack after finding some of that fake crime scene evidence. Eek!

By Blogger shirley, at 12:20 AM  

I hate Time Warner with a passion. I've almost lost my sanity several times dealing with them. Back when I worked at the old law firm, I actually got to sue them on behalf of a client. Now THAT was fun!

By Blogger sadielady, at 10:21 AM  

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