The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Friday, June 16

Holy Crap, Am I Tired.

I am just mentally and physically exhausted. Besides the fact that I’ve written over 5,000 words on the Tony Awards (wtf?) I’ve also ingested enough alcohol the past week to stun an unsuspecting Tara Reid. (See? I’m making Tara Reid jokes. That’s one step away from Paris Hilton jokes, which is one step away from doing addition on your fingers.)

Plus I’ve got my annual college alumni reunion tonight, meaning two things: 1) today isn’t the day I stop drinking, and 2) I need to come up with no less than three things “I’ve been up to lately.” I’m not one of those people who feels bad when they go to a reunion and tell people that they’re still stuck in the same old job doing the same old things and taking the same old medications for the same old psychosis. But I refuse to be uninteresting. So when a person throws out the inevitable “So what have you been up to lately?” I like to have a list of things ready to be reeled off. Last year it went:

Girl whose name I can’t remember: “So what have you been up to lately?”

Me: “I just got back from Scotland and England a few weeks ago and I moved into a new apartment and I started a blog. You?”

Girl: “Uh, I was at TRL the other day, and –”

Me: “Uninteresting.”

Of course this year I’m going to be pimping the blog even more, seeing as how people actually read it now. And I swear, the first person that comes up to me and says, “Hey, I’ve been reading your blog” is going to get a French kiss. Because while I don’t value my life according to my readership, I am thinking of you guys when I am belligerently drunk at bars and it’s past 4:00am and the bartender is harassing me to leave I drunkenly slur, “I have a blooog! How many people read YOUR blooog? I even have a t-shirt, because people like me.”

So thanks, readers. For making me, an ordinary lush, somebody.


26 Comments:

that video is ABSURD!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:30 PM  

That video is quite disturbing. Do you think they were really jamming to that tune or do you think they substituted the word "slaves" for "puppies" or "kitties?"

Oh, and on the whole alcohol thing, just remember this; "Nobody likes a quitter."

By Blogger Jenni, at 3:35 PM  

Wow. How touching. Not even my own kids look to me for self-affirmation.

I'm literally at my desk crying as I type this. You make us ordinary lushes proud! Look to me, at first light on the seventh day, bearing lip balm and a t-shirt that says, "I READ YOUR BLOG, DAILY D"

uh, hands above the waist, though. it's just a blog.

By Blogger ducklet, at 3:41 PM  

The video is from a show on MTV called "Wonder Showzen." It is, as you can see, beyond absurd. But hilarious. And "hands above the waist" may as well be no hands at all. Just stumps Useless stumps.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 3:49 PM  

Tell everyone that you invented post-its

By Blogger Krissi, at 3:59 PM  

So, what are your three 'interesting' things?

-Moved in with T.G. ?
-Talked to S.Ep ?
-Wrote off Century 21 ?
-Had a family portrait taken ?
-Went to not one, not two, but three Tony's parties ?

Let us know Monday... or maybe sleep Monday and tell us on Tuesday.

By Blogger Jaime, at 5:06 PM  

Here's my list of 3 interesting things to throw out there:
1. Changed from boxers to tightie-whities, and then back again.
2. Auditioned to be a character on The Office that delivers green tea to Dwight Schrute. (Haven't heard back if you got the part, but you're banking on it.)
3. Won a Mercury LeSabre on Regis & Kelly, but sold it because of all the taxes and all.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:08 PM  

BI:
You're awsome. You crack me up every single day, and - assuming you're having this affect on other morons besides me - is a pretty wonderful contribution to society. Don't let any TRL-attending drunky-the-bum tell you otherwise.

By Blogger Leezer, at 6:12 PM  

So, where is this reunion tonight? Because I want to be there, so I can be the first person to say "Hey, I’ve been reading your blog."

By Blogger sadielady, at 6:28 PM  

Awww! You think about us?! That means so much to me!

Don't worry about the inevitable question, because when people ask me what I do for fun & in my free time, I say, "Uh, I sleep & talk on the internet! I like school!" So yeah, you might be stuck in a rut, but you have a social life:/

By Blogger FlippingChipmunk, at 6:42 PM  

You ever gonna watch the world cup? It might make you interesting.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:52 PM  

thank god for wondershowzen.
and you.

By Blogger britbijoux, at 7:20 PM  

you have a t-shirt? where can I get one?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:27 PM  

Whoops. That was I.

By Blogger Momentary Academic, at 1:27 PM  

BI: why do you have an ANNUAL college reunion?

By Blogger Bird Girl, at 2:16 AM  

The children dancing to "Slaves" looked brainwashed. I guess that was the point...

I'm glad that you think of us, because really, people love you unconditionally when you not only entertain them, but have access to the "delete" key, so if you do say something stupid, we never know.

And let me guess: you have a wedding to attend after the reunion. TEQUILA!

By Blogger Janet, at 2:47 AM  

I think you should pass out little cards with your blog URL on them as well as your list of 3 interesting things. That way you can just drink all night without having to talk to anybody. Just pass out the cards and your job is done—small talk and new blog readers covered in one small 2.5 x 3 in card.

By Blogger ❉ pixie ❉, at 7:24 AM  

Man! Okay, one more night of reckless partying, then you've got to get back on the wagon.

Okay, I'm just jealous.

By Blogger babyoog, at 9:58 AM  

I have to say, inventing post-its is a pretty kick-ass lie. I bet most people wouldn't see past it. Good call, krissi.

Someone from school recently asked me what I've been doing lately, and I said, "Hmmm... oh, I grew a beard. It was pretty awesome. But I shaved it." You can use that one if you want to.

By Blogger Greg, at 5:19 PM  

Sweet Jebus your funny! Thank you.

By Blogger mcBlogger, at 9:36 PM  

Hope you had fun at the reunion. I, too, hate having nothing to say when someone asks me what I've been up to, though I haven't pimped my blog as much as I could. Loved the video, too.

By Anonymous Caryn, at 11:22 PM  

Did you know Post It's just had their 25th birthday. Where did I hear that? Hmm

By Blogger Softball Slut, at 10:55 AM  

I once convinced an entire group of kids that my father invented Flavor-Ices. That mighta been my finest hour, I put on a damn good show.

By Blogger Ace Cowboy, at 11:31 AM  

BI:
It's 8:55 a.m. PST. We're dying to know what happened Friday night!!
V of F

By Blogger Leezer, at 11:59 AM  

I love those Wonder Showzen kids! Slaves are almost as good as "punching God in the face"

And for some reason I can picture you dancing exactly like the kid in the striped shirt...

By Blogger Julie_Gong, at 1:48 PM  

I'm with birdgirl...an "annual" reunion? Hell, even if I still lived in Malibu, and I thought it might be a definite way to get those fucking alumni people to STOP CALLING ME ALREADY!, I still wouldn't go to the alumni events that Pepperdine holds every year on campus. (I gave them $50 last year in hopes that they might leave me alone for a bit...it didn't work. They call me every day now, sometimes twice, and they don't leave me messages. Assholes. I've figured them out and I ignore them now...)

And greg, you need to watch "Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion". That's where the post-it thing came from, man.

By Blogger Faith, at 3:22 PM  

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