The Daily Dump

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Friday, July 21

DOUBT AN OWL AT YOUR OWN RISK


If I had known that the owl who woke me up hooting outside my window at 7:00 this morning was merely warning me of the apocalyptical storm approaching, I wouldn’t have pulled back the curtain and shouted, “Fuck you, owl!” Instead, I would have hurried up and gotten to the safe cover of my office. But no, I didn’t trust the owl. I assumed the owl was just out for himself, hooting just to hear his own hoot with no concern for the people around him. And I shouted, “Fuck you, owl!” and scared him away and went back to sleep, waking up late and getting off to work late, precisely late enough to trap myself in the apocalyptical storm of which, unwittingly to me, the owl warned. Now my socks are soaked through and my pants are wet up to the knee. I am cold and there are no hand dryers in the bathrooms. And I have no one to blame for my discomfort but myself for not heeding the prophetic “hooooo.”

I’d like to believe it was him, looking down on me.

33 Comments:

man, you should've known. you have to trust the owl! i learned this lesson a few years ago, myself. always, always trust the owl. heed it's warning.

By Blogger Kawaii desu ne, at 12:24 PM  

Perhaps it's the naivete I carry as a Mississippian...but...you have owls in New York City?

Forgive please if this is the equivalent of me being asked if I sleep with my cousins (only thirds and fourths...cause otherwise...gross!) or if I know what an indoor toilet looks like...(it's made of wood..right?).

Or was your owl just a euphemism for the screamin' demons of your unconscious mind?

By Blogger TALK!, at 12:30 PM  

That's what made the encounter so special. Because owls are notoriously anti-New York, not only for the lack of trees, but also for the high-mindedness.

(But yes, my apartment is in the back of the building, meaning it looks out over a courtyard with trees and flowers and all the accompanying woodland creatures. Have you ever seen a rat play with a squirrel? It's touching, and gross.)

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 12:40 PM  

Have you ever seen a rat play with a squirrel? It's touching, and gross.

Much like sleeping with your cousin.

By Blogger TALK!, at 12:43 PM  

You know, there's probably a law against shouting profanities at protected animals.

I'm alerting the authorities.





[i have no idea what species of owls are protected and which are not, but still -- it ain't cool man, it ain't cool]

By Blogger MonkeyPants, at 12:49 PM  

Funny story except I thought you were the guy that never sleeps?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:50 PM  

BI:
Be thankful your winged messenger was an owl and not a raven, a more foreboding creature. Had it been raven, you would be soaked up to your crotch, and probably blind or deaf.

P.S. Why were you wet?

By Blogger Leezer, at 1:00 PM  

I do hardly ever sleep, which made the owls awakening cry all the more insufferable. (I think I'm going to talk in this tone for the rest of the day. I feel intense and dignified, and even, dare I say it, British.)

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 1:03 PM  

Hence the phrase "wise, old owl"...

By Blogger belligerent mother, at 1:13 PM  

Wait...there was an apocolyptical storm in NY this morning, too? We had one tear through Kansas City this morning from about 6:30 a.m. to about 8 a.m. The winds knocked a limb off (well, almost off) my big tree in my front yard, and now I have to climb up there tomorrow and cut the damned thing down. (The branch...not the tree. I'm not a lumberjack.)

Very weird. Were these storms hitting anyone else in the US this morning, I wonder?

It is unseasonably comfortable outside today thanks to the apocolyptical storm, though. So while the tree thing is a bummer (it's a dying tree...I'm lucky the whole thing hasn't fallen over onto my house yet), at least it's only 75 out today instead of the 109 it was yesterday!

Sorry 'bout your pants. Wet pants really suck...

By Blogger Faith, at 1:18 PM  

If there is one thing I can tell you, it is to always listen to the animals. They know what they're talking about.

Wet pants suck, but nothing is worse than wet socks.

By Blogger FlippingChipmunk, at 1:25 PM  

Just so you know...it's a dove that lives in our courtyard (a pair actually), not an owl.

By Blogger T.G., at 1:38 PM  

I thought the East Coast had a heatwave going on. At least that's what I heard on the news at 6:00 a.m. whilst dozing - or maybe they were talking about the heat wave where I live (West Coast) which means it's actually going to get above 70.

By Blogger Leezer, at 1:41 PM  

(I think I'm going to talk in this tone for the rest of the day. I feel intense and dignified, and even, dare I say it, British.)

my friend and i play that game all the time. it's quite fun if i do say do myself! cherrio!

By Blogger Kawaii desu ne, at 2:03 PM  

Weren't you wondering why the owl you were screaming at looked like a pigeon?

By Anonymous Dave, at 2:35 PM  

viscountess - it's still damn hot here, (high 80s) but it's a MOIST, hazy heat.

Dan - you'd better keep an umbrella handy all weekend too as there's a chance of these freak monsoons til monday...

By Blogger Z. Madison, at 3:04 PM  

Umm....Z., Vis...y'all need to come to Mississippi.

We define heat index.

It's been in the 100s here this week.

By Blogger TALK!, at 3:23 PM  

Sadly, there were no apocolyptical storms in DC. My guess is that, while the rest of the world properly filed their "end of the world" forms, the DC forms got stuck in endless bureaucracy. In fact, DC will probably exist in perpetuity while politicians argue about how to best serve all the people who never exist.

And generic wet pants are better than wet jeans. There is no article of clothing (besides maybe some bras or a corset, which hopefully wouldn't apply to you) worse than wet jeans.

By Blogger Rebecca, at 3:25 PM  

Aw, the Hooters Guy died? Where was his owl, man? Why did God see it fit to send forth an owl to you, Mr. Dump, but the Hooter Guy sees nary a flick of feather? Where is the justice in this world? Why God Why? Why the Hooters guy? You should have taken me, you should have taken me.

By Blogger Madame Agent, at 3:57 PM  

Rebecca:
Amen. Wet jeans are awful because the fabric is so heavy. When I was 12 I decided it would be a good idea to swim - wearing a pair of Levis - outside the lifeguard area in Lake Washington. The pants nearly drowned me.

Word verification: Fuzmuh

By Blogger Leezer, at 4:40 PM  

tg,

i bet it's a pair of early morning doves.


I KILL ME

By Blogger ducklet, at 5:04 PM  

Cool!! You know what? An owl flew over my head last week, and I never could find out what that meant (omen-wise, that is). I was somewhat relieved that he didn't crap on me, but still - what's the omen for an owl flying about 10 feet over your head?

Thanks!

By Blogger Norman, at 6:02 PM  

I'm just impressed that you were asleep at 7am....good work!

By Blogger Mollypalooza, at 11:37 PM  

LOL!! Not laughing at u, laughing with you. I got caught in the same damn storm and was so friggin' soaked that I had to wear my secretary's ridiculously lame, spare shoes all morning! Brutal.

By Blogger Jill, at 1:36 AM  

um i'm just checking to see if my comment gets sent - can't figure this wacky thing out

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:11 PM  

how do i get a name - do i have to creat a blog site???

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:13 PM  

monkeypants ALL owls are protected, as they are both native and migratory. I know this because, as my Blogger name hints, I am a wild-bird rehabilitator and have state & federal permits to do this. I have to know and abide by the Migratory Bird Treaty Act, among other regulations and governmental handcuffs. :-)

norman An owl flying 10 feet over your head means this: he was on his way elsewhere, perhaps zeroing in on some tasty little vole, and you two happened to cross paths. That's it. No omen. Sorry. Had it been me, I would probably have tripped over my own feet at the sight, awed by the closeness of such a beautiful creature (refer to my answer to monkeypants).

hope no one suffers any horrible weather this weekend cuz bad weather on the weekend just plain sucks.

By Blogger Bird Girl, at 3:19 AM  

anonymous if you want to have your name in blue, which is a hyperlink to your Blogger profile, then, yes, you do have to create an account.

However, you can choose "Other" and simply enter a name of your choosing, which would show as plain black text and not link to anything, or continue with "Anonymous", and either sign your name to it in the body of the comment or not.

Hope that helps!


BTW, B. I. : Will you please explain how you got into that predicament???

By Blogger Bird Girl, at 3:22 AM  

thanks for the info : )

By Anonymous Aways Thinkin', at 7:12 PM  

Dumbass. hee hee

By Blogger babyoog, at 12:13 PM  

aways thinkin' did you intentionally leave the "l" out of "always"?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:49 AM  

I've just discovered your blog, you're an outstanding writer!

I also wanted to thank you for shouting "fuck you owl" so that I don't have to.

Marco

By Blogger Marc, at 4:27 AM  

Whoa. NY has owls?

By Blogger TCho, at 1:21 AM  

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