The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Monday, July 24

What Fruity Thing Did I Do This Weekend?


While The Girlfriend and I were out on Long Island this weekend to celebrate my grandmother’s 80th birthday, we naturally got bored like hell because, you know, it’s Long Island, and as we ran through the possibilities of what we could do (shopping involves money, which we don’t have; bowling involves drinking, and it was 11:00 in the morning; going to TGIFridays involves being at TGIFridays, etc) we finally decided to just do the most generic Long Island thing we could think of and go to the movies. The only problem is that there was not a single movie playing that interested us both. The Girlfriend pressed for The Devil Wears Prada, I pressed for A Scanner Darkly, in the end we compromised and went to see The Devil Wears Prada.

And I don’t know what effect this will have on readership, or on my standing as the coolest guy on the block, but I actually enjoyed it. And here’s why:

(WARNING: What follows may include “spoilers” as to what happens in the movie, so if you are one of those people who hates to have a “surprise” ruined, don’t continue reading. However it must be noted that if you can’t guess what happens in this movie just by reading a 50 word synopsis, you probably have never seen a movie before in your life, and don’t plan on doing so in the near future because the “home” you are staying in isn’t really big on field trips.)

1. Anne Hathaway looks good: There was a period of time between The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement and Brokeback Mountain (sometimes even I can’t believe I start sentences with phrases like that) when Anne Hathaway seemed to be going downhill, veering away from the promised she showed early on to be hot. But even when she was supposed to look “bad” in this movie, when she was unfashionable and holding onto her principals and all sorts of other ugly things, she still looked cute. I felt pride, because I told my friends after The Princess Diaries that she was going to be hot, and they were all like, “Princess who?” and I was like, “You’ll see,” and they were like, “What movies are you watching?” and I was all, “Whatever.” And then I was afraid I would be wrong, but lo and behold, it turns out she is hot – and that’s awesome for me because now I can add her to the long list of “hot girls I don’t know,” which is what they politicians are referring to when they use the term “empty victory.”

2. It doesn’t try to be funny: The worst thing a movie like this can do is try to surpass “entertaining” and go for “hilarious,” because inevitably they end up peppering the script with placed jokes and awful slapstick and it’s just embarrassing. Everyone making one of these movies needs to take a page from The Cutting Edge, and that’s what they did here – quippy dialogue, but not trying to do too much. This might be the most serious paragraph I have ever written.

3. Meryl Streep is really cool: There’s a whole category of actresses who I am not sexually attracted to, but I still enjoy watching, and Meryl Streep is undoubtedly near the top of that list. And if I knew how to review movies I would use words like “understated” and “biting” to describe her performance, but since I don’t I’ll just say that by the end of the movie I was even a little sexually attracted to her. Because I like my women like I like my roast beef – cold, and emotionless.

4. The clothes: OMG! Like Prada and Chanel and Manolo Blahnik EVERYWHERE!

5. The social commentary: If you knew nothing on how the world works and how people relate to one another, you would learn the following from this movie: it’s OK to blow off your friends as long as you bring them presents; 99% of love relationship issues can be resolves through avoiding the problem and instead having sex; the other 1% can be fixed with time spent apart; if you kiss a girl and she says, “No,” kiss her again. If she says no again, and blabbers on about it being wrong and her being too drunk, kiss her again. If she is still refusing you, kiss her a fourth time and she will ultimately say, “Yes,”; it’s OK to have a one night stand as long as you learn something from it; if someone in the workplace does you a favor, you owe them sex; you will have great personal and professional success if you dress up for work.

(Please note that I compiled that list with the utmost sarcasm, but rereading it now it’s actually all pretty true.)

In fact, the only thing I didn’t like about the movie was the ending. It’s not just that it was too easy (which they always are in these kinds of movies) but it didn’t make any sense. She comes back to her boyfriend, but he’s taken a job in Boston, but he tells her they can work it out and she is happy, but then she takes a job in New York? And even though Hathaway basically walked out on Streep in the middle of work, Streep gives Hathaway a great recommendation for a new job? I mean, there’s a pro caliber hockey player becoming an Olympic champion pairs figure skater, and then there’s this.

Here are a few of my suggestions on how to make the end of the movie a little more interesting:

– The Horror Twist. It turns out Meryl Streep really is the Devil and, having conquered the conscience of her 1,000,000,000th innocent soul, she brings forth an Armageddon.

The Ironic Twist. Hathaway quits her job to regain her integrity, but with no relevant work experience she is unable to get a new job so she becomes a stripper.

The Fight Club Twist. Al Qaeda destroys the office buildings of Runway magazine; thousands and thousands of fashion records are destroyed, rendering the fashion landscape barren. Everyone starts out from zero, and chunky wool becomes so popular that New Zealand emerges as a world superpower. Hathaway moves there, takes a job in a beachside café, and is often topless.

– The Dramatic Twist. Hathaway is caught in a street brawl during her first assignment as a reporter. Because of her three inch heels she cannot flee fast enough and is stabbed to death.

– The Realistic Twist. Hathaway quits her job and, unable to find work in journalism, becomes a temp paralegal. She starts a blog which has moderate success. Suddenly it’s five years later and she’s too old to change careers so she gets pregnant and goes on antidepressants.

47 Comments:

It takes a big man to admit that not only did he like The Devil Wears Prada, but he liked the clothes in it too. Bravo.

By Blogger Cherry Ride, at 5:17 PM  

The movie ending sucked and was completely untrue to the novel. In the novel- she basically tells the boss to fuck off, the bf and her don't get back together, and I think she gets a book deal- but not another job. The boss never does anything sentimental like she did in the end. That was bullshit.

By Blogger Betty, at 5:25 PM  

I hate when movies try to tack on that happy ending that no one believes just to make themselves feel good.

By Blogger HelloBettyLou, at 5:36 PM  

Okay, I'm not quite sure to take from this review that you love both "The Devil Wears Prada" AND "The Cutting Edge"...or "The Cutting Edge" is the benchmark with which you measure all sappy movies.

Either way...you referenced "The Cutting Edge"...and for that reason I'm happy and satisfied.

I saw "The Devil" a couple of weeks ago and couldn't believe how much I liked it.

Of course, Meryl does no wrong in my book...do you hear me...NO...WRONG.

I also loved the whole Emily character...almost more than I loved Anne Hathaway's character...okay...a lot more.

But about Annie going back to her scruffy boyfriend...that was crap.

I mean, giving up Simon Baker...even if he is a rat bastard (which he really wasn't) to date a guy who is moving...is absolute absurdity. WTF?

And for the record...I wasn't really in love with her friends anyway...she needed to ditch them...or at least expand the circle somewhat.

By Blogger TALK!, at 5:40 PM  

Although I appreciate your thoughtfulness, Mr. BI Dump, I for one feel a spoiler alert was unneccasary, as the movie title does a pretty good job of summing it up. Anyone with the brain that God gave a gopher could've figured it out. Am I wrong?

By Blogger Madame Agent, at 5:49 PM  

Yes in that shitty shitty novel, Andy (Lauren Weisberger) tells her bitchy boss to fuck off, then leads the reader into thinking she is pursuing journalistic and writerly integrity, whereas she actually sells out her boss by writing a (shitty shitty) novel, and thus milks that job for all the fame and fortune she can possibly squeeze out of it. Boo, Weisberger, you terrible terrible writer. Yay, Hathaway, beautiful beautiful breasts. And yay Streep for finding the nuance in Miranda.

By Blogger Assist Assistant, at 5:51 PM  

I liked the movie, mostly because of Meryl Streep's character. Otherwise, the whole fat vs skinny thing kind of bugged me. And the point you made in #5 on your list? Spot on. That all bugged the shit out of me. Young girls are watching that shit thinking that it makes sense, dammit.

By Blogger Faith, at 6:06 PM  

I take offense to you and TG being bored. Sorry we don't live on the cutting edge and have parties that include the "industry".

By Blogger belligerent mother, at 6:51 PM  

ha...your mom totally cut you down to size.

nice.

By Blogger TALK!, at 7:10 PM  

(Mom, I need to make fun of Long Island to seem cool. It's nothing personal.)

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 8:09 PM  

I love that you referenced The Cutting Edge in this post. Also, I have a feeling that "The Realistic Twist" will soon be the story of my life. In some (a lot of) ways, it already is.

By Blogger sadielady, at 8:44 PM  

Holy shit... you're PREGNANT???

By Blogger Libby Mae Brown, at 8:47 PM  

Thanks for sparing me the expense of seeing the movie. I'm completely serious, but I would have appreciated it if you included some of the clothes from the movie on your blog. Now I have to go looking for them.

By Blogger Janet, at 10:24 PM  

Anne Hathaway is rather attractive. I also think there is a sexiness to Meryl Streep.

I also find Kathy Bates to be a dish, so I don't know if I'm the best person to talk about sexy.

By Blogger FlippingChipmunk, at 11:24 PM  

you referenced 'the cutting edge' several times. and now you are my new favorite person.

By Blogger ridiculous, at 11:26 PM  

A Scanner Darkly is worth a see as well, though - but I will say, I thought it was more of a paranoid sci-fi thing - turns out, it's just about junkies. But worth a see all the same.

By Blogger mark, at 11:43 PM  

The Cutting Edge GREAT MOVIE!!!

Anne Hathaway Pretty, but liked her better in Brokeback, more natural-looking, more real-looking. IMHO.

Meryl Streep Workin' the gray hair! Just as much a beauty now as ever.... Remember her in The Deer Hunter? I hope I look as good as Meryl does when I am her age (which is another 20+ years)...

BI sees a chick flick "Compromised"? More like "gave in"... but I'm sure you had your reasons. Good for you, owning up to having seen -- and liked -- the movie! It may not make you more macho, but makes you more popular with TG, I'm sure...

A Scanner Darkly I guess I don't see the point in filming a movie in live action, then animating the live action. It's weird. Seems like it would cost more to make, too, which we all know trickles down to moviegoers in the form of $40 matinee ticket prices, and four kernels of popped corn for $17.50....

Bird Girl

p.s. Hubby went to ComiCon this weekend, got to see about ten minutes of Snakes On A Plane and got an exclusive movie poster. Plus, got to walk into a ginormous gaping snake mouth to enter the screening room! Hubby said the movie looked good. C'mon, it's Sam Jackson. Even shitty movies are good if he's in them... Well, except Pulp Fiction. Sorry, folks, I just don't care for that one...

BG

By Blogger Bird Girl, at 1:05 AM  

The end was what I think of as "happy ending porn". Sometimes, I think people like to watch movies that end with everyone being happy, no matter how unrealistic that is. Hell, if I wanted realism all the time, I'd never read a book or watch TV or movies.

By Anonymous sandra, at 3:00 AM  

"The Devil Wears Prada"??? Please leave your bra and panties at the door on the way out of The Official Man Headquarters. I can get with seeing SOME woman-centric movies like, I don't know, "The Turning Point" (when did that come out?). But this one? The title alone, with its emphasis on a fashion brand that no man should be familiar with, tells you this is going to be superficial teen-girl fare with a heavy dose of cattiness. I may actually go SEE this movie to know what I'm talking about, that's how bad it is!

Oh, and read my blog.

By Blogger Man On The Street, at 7:04 AM  

Yeah, I saw this movie a few weekends ago and I, too, was surprised by how much I liked it.

By Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK, at 7:07 AM  

I haven't seen this yet but totally need to, if only to leave before the real ending and play the "Horror Twist" over and over in my head.

By Blogger Dwight, at 9:17 AM  

Meryll Streep is an amazingly diverse actress. I am highly amused that The Devil Wears Prada and that Garrison Keiller movie came out so close together.

Also, since I've been told my boss is like Meryll Streep's character, I've decided that the ironic twist will become my life. Okay, the realistic twist is more... realistic, but where's the fun in that?

By Blogger Rebecca, at 10:01 AM  

sweet. now i don't have to see it.

i like "the horror twist" ending idea a lot.

By Blogger Kawaii desu ne, at 10:06 AM  

Did you "tuck" your penis when you set foot in the theatre? You should never ever admit to seeing a movie of this caliber, enless it is the beginning part of how you exploited it to get kinky sex out of it (with detail and perhaps pictures), then it's ok.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:23 AM  

The last ending you proposed is my vote. With an addition of "Hathaway is often topless".

By Blogger Tim, at 10:55 AM  

Toe Pick


My sister and I loved the Devil Wears Prada. It made me want to become an anorexic and made my sister want to blow her life savings on clothes we cant afford.

By Blogger Softball Slut, at 11:08 AM  

god this is sick...but i think, at your recomendation....i'll go see it. Just dont tell anyone I know...oh, and if I can't GO with someone I know...who the hell am I going to go with...hmmm. Street bum movie adventures anyone?

By Blogger djmetronome, at 11:18 AM  

haha realistic twist so true lol

By Blogger Tim Zimm, at 11:40 AM  

This was a cute movie. Not earth shattering, but cute.

Your ending with Streep actually being SATAN would have been AWESOME.

By Blogger Momentary Academic, at 12:17 PM  

Ok so I am going to admidt this even thought it is completly sad. I just read your entire blog. Not in one sitting but over the course of the last week. 1. I am a pretty boring job. 2. ummmm no other reason really.

You've almost inspired me to start my own blog, which I will keep for a week and then erase after I write something that I think is embarrassing.

ps you have made me laugh OUT LOUD at my desk many times. Sometimes it has been uncontrolable, usually to do with farting in the bathroom. It is just THAT funny.

By Blogger little miss sunshine, at 12:23 PM  

My boyfriend and I also "compromised" on seeing The Devil Wears Prada and he said the same exact thing about the ending, except he doesn't have so much free time on his hands to come up with alternate endings.

P.S. I've been told I look like Anne Hathaway.

By Blogger Hope, at 12:30 PM  

this post is far too long.

hope: i think you look hot.

By Blogger treespotter, at 12:42 PM  

When you've found your balls and decided to come out of the closet, call me. ;)

Kidding boo. I'm gay and even I haven't seen the Devil Wears Prada yet.

By Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders, at 1:43 PM  

I like your 'Horror Twist' and 'Fight Club Twist'. Genius.
-Carol

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:45 PM  

I wasn't sure, but you've helped reaffirm that, indeed, there was SO much nonsense in the movie written off as morally excusable. The fat jokes? Using sex as an apology? A strong recommendation for a negligent employee?

P'shaw, I say, p'shaw.

By Anonymous Eliot, at 3:06 PM  

OMG, a boy who likes 'The Cutting Edge'?!? I didn't think the likes of you existed. You're right, though - many an okay movie has been marred by 'hilarious' pratfalls (case in point: Failure to Launch) that make me just want to throw the DVD out the window.

By Blogger Sally Tomato, at 3:47 PM  

I agree on The Cutting Edge comments. I only remember the movie because DB Sweeney went to my high school, and when the movie came out, we got a bunch of promotional posters.

By Blogger Big Daddy, at 4:03 PM  

I think it's pretty hard to find someone who didn't like this movie but yet every post I have read about it conveys its approbation with the utmost shame and irony.

By the way, I prefer my roast beef steaming hot and sassy...just like my men.

By Blogger The Daily Sally, at 4:33 PM  

What is DB Sweeney up to these days anyway?

I haven't seen the movie, but when I read the book in college I thought it was good. When I thought about the book after college, I realized that Weisberger was a whiny brat and that I would have gladly put up with everything she had to do in order to have her job. I mean, I pretty much put up with that stuff anyway (a lot of people do, princess) and my job isn't nearly as interesting.

Oh, and her second book is lame too, from the 30 pages I read of it.

By Blogger idratherbesailing, at 4:46 PM  

How about the post-modern twist: Hathaway's character quits and writes a best-selling book about her experience. (I've not seen the movie or read the book yet, but I hear that's what Weisenberg (sp?) did.)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:56 PM  

Not a bad movie, but it needed more nudity.

By Anonymous Joshua S. Rubenstein, at 6:59 PM  

Weisberger's book was honestly the worst thing I've ever read. And I mean THE WORST. I couldn't even get through a chapter without wanting to take a red pen and edit the whole thing; systematically crossing out each line and replacing it with: "Please return this book to your local bookstore for a full refund."

So imagine my surprise that I actually enjoyed the movie. Though Anne was pretty forgetable, Meryl was great and so was the actress that played Emily (her name slips my mind.)

I too was wholly confused when her bf moves to Boston and they are supposed to be working stuff out. Oh well, she can do better than that guy.

By Anonymous KatetheGreat, at 8:29 PM  

Did Miranda remind anyone else of Cruella DeVille? One of the coats she flung on Andie's desk should have been made of dalmatian puppies.

I agree, Anne Hathaway sucked. I agree, the movie was better than the sucky book. I especially liked Emily's eye makeup.

By Anonymous dramaddict, at 9:29 PM  

I read the book and saw the movie - three things:

1. The movie was better (note: I have never said that before)

2. Meryl Streep is the best actress in the world. And the weird thing is, I don't think that anyone thinks she isn't.

3. I thought the way Miranda was portrayed in the movie was more believable than how Lauren Weisberger portrayed her in the book. I didn't think she was a believable character in the book at all. She seemed stupid and vapid, while in the movie Streep played her as a casual fashion genius and you rooted for her because she was the best.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:47 PM  

"Because I like my women like I like my roast beef – cold, and emotionless."

Best thing I've read all day. Thanks.

As for the movie itself, it's not bad. The ending had me scratching my head as well, but then Hatthaway's undeniable cuteness re-enterred my mind and all was quickly forgiven.

Warning. Warning. Shameless plug : The Cutting Edge made my "chick flicks that won't make your hetero eyes bleed" list, so, I can definitely understand you including it in the post.

By Blogger mutoni, at 7:14 PM  

My very good friend made out with Anne Hathaway at a party.
Ironically, he has a terribly hard time making out with normal, mortal females.

By Blogger The Bourbon Samurai, at 8:42 PM  

Some stuff about going to college with Anne "annie" Hathaway. How timely.

Also, she elbowed me in the face* one.

http://kittenloss.blogspot.com/2006/07/anne-hathaway.html

*Side

By Blogger Joshua, at 2:19 PM  

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