I think everyone here knows that I love all things puppies: petting puppies, looking at pictures of puppies, making pretend I have a puppy, coloring in puppy pictures, etc. And yet, there are people out there who actually like puppies more than me. Like enough to steal one. Or enough to repeatedly refer to a puppy as “baby” with grave sincerity.
The video itself is hilarious (puppy + crotch = comic gold) but the commentary of the guy who works in the pet store is classic. There is not one thing this guy says that isn’t hilarious. I mean, the end? Where he uses the word “puppy-napping” immediately before threatening violence on the guy who stole the dog? Maybe he can even get the puppy lick the guy’s hand while he shouts “puppynapper!” from a safe distance.
(Sidenote: While looking for this link, I did a search for “puppy” in CNN’s video section and this is the list of results that came up:
So yeah, Lebanon, Syria, Isreal, Iraq, war, I get it. BUT WHAT ARE WE DOING TO PROTECT OUR PUPPIES AT HOME? Seriously, “Puppies found frozen, dead”? You know who wouldn’t stand for that if he was in charge?
• Lactivists: Where is it OK to breastfeed? (I’ve asked myself this question a hundred times.)
NEW YORK (AP) -- "I was SHOCKED to see a giant breast on the cover of your magazine," one person wrote. "I immediately turned the magazine face down," wrote another. "Gross," said a third.
One mother who didn't like the cover explains she was concerned about her 13-year-old son seeing it. "I shredded it," said Gayle Ash, of Belton, Texas, in a telephone interview. "A breast is a breast -- it's a sexual thing. He didn't need to see that."
"I'm totally supportive of it -- I just don't like the flashing," she said. "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see."
First of all, what? Secondly, why even bother talking if you are going to say things like “a breast is a breast”? And third, “a breast they didn’t want to see”? When I was 13, I watched shows on the National Geographic channel in hopes that they would show topless women in African tribes. I think it’s safe to assume that there’s no such thing as a breast a 13 year old doesn’t want to see. And lastly, wtf, baby Nazis? Babies need to eat too you know. It’s not their fault they can’t roll up to Sbarro and get a slice whenever they want.
THAT fucking headline? Just five nouns in a row? It reads like one of those spam emails with a subject like “re: Your question.” Speaking of which, this was one I got this morning:
Put on a few eggs, theres a good fellow! Gandalf called after him, as the hobbit stumped off to the pantries. And just bring out the cold chicken and pickles!
Probably the cheeriest spam message I’ve ever received, regardless of the fact that two lines down was a link reading: “massive erections are right around the corner.” Which to me sounds more threatening than anything else.
• You know like when someone shows you a picture of a newborn baby and they’re like, “Isn’t it so CUTE!” and you’re like, “Aww, yeah” but really you’re thinking, “Is there something wrong with me because I don’t think babies are cute?” Well imagine you were a panda.