The Daily Dump

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Wednesday, August 2

One Motivation For Mocking People Is Jealousy


CNN reports:

NEW YORK (Reuters) -- Two of America's top authors, John Irving and Stephen King, made a plea to J.K. Rowling on Tuesday not to kill the fictional boy wizard Harry Potter in the final book of the series, but Rowling made no promises.


"We're working towards the end I always planned, but a couple of characters I expected to survive have died," she said, declining to elaborate.

Scene

J.K. Rowling is sitting in her palatial flat drinking tea, hunched over a laptop sitting on an antique carved oak desk. A small dog sleeps on a nearby chase lounge. Rowling is typing. In a voice over we hear what she is writing.

Harry storms into the dungeon where he finds a hole has been blasted in the stone wall revealing a secret passage. As he cautiously steps through the opening, he hears Hermione scream. With this he charges forward following her strengthening wails. He races through the maze of dark corridors until he reaches a large, wooden doorway around which a faint light emits. Hermione screams, “Help! Someone help me. Please, Harry, help me!”

Harry gathers himself, knowing that on the other side of the door is the battle he has trained his whole life to fight, that others have given their lives so that he might come face to face with, and ultimately defeat, the black wizard. He knew he was ready, as a man, as a magician, he was ready to decide his fate. He takes a slow step forward, reaching his hand out for the knob. Suddenly a large stone falls from the ceiling and hits him in the head, cracking open his skull, killing him.

Rowling: “Oh my! I didn’t see that coming.”

37 Comments:

That would certainly add a bit of a twist to what's expected to be a very predictable ending to that series!

By Anonymous CM, at 4:19 PM  

Even more unexpected is him becoming a magician.

By Blogger [Disgrundled], at 4:27 PM  

Well written.

I have never read or seen a Harry Potter book/movie.

By Blogger rawbean, at 4:27 PM  

I've still got my fingers crossed on a wand mishap involving too much fluffernutter cadabra dust and a small, pixie stripper named Cunnilingula.

By Blogger chuckieeverdapper, at 4:31 PM  

okay, I'll own up to it, I read 'em. I yearn, yeah that's right i said it, to see how this ends. She's done well for herslef from modest beginnings, and I extend to her "mad props".

By Blogger JP, at 4:32 PM  

If Rowling ends the book like that, I think she'll find herself beneath a similar giant stone.

By Blogger mysterygirl!, at 4:33 PM  

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

By Anonymous Amish, at 4:39 PM  

Isn't a little surprising that two popular authors would offer advice on how to end someone else's novel... especially one as popular as the Harry Potter series... I mean, shouldn't that be up to the author himself/herself?

But on that note, does anyone really want Harry Potter to "live happily ever after?" It would seem to be much more compelling and avant-garde if Rowling killed off the character after creating a sense of closure; Voldermort dead, Hogwarts back to normal, etc... not like anyone actually expects that to happen... it would be out of character with the rest of the series... which would also make it so compelling...

By Anonymous The Voktardt, at 4:40 PM  

What the hell is he if he's not a magician? I'm sorry, if the PC term "illusionist"? Whatever, I've never read one. Big surprise.

Plus, the whole point is WHO SAYS, "A COUPLE OF CHARACTERS I EXPECTED TO SURVIVE HAVE DIED"?! Like it's all a surprise to her? Like having unprotected sex three times a day and then getting pregnant and saying, "How did this happen?" OK, maybe not like that. But still.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 4:50 PM  

How is that different than suggesting that King write less-morbid stories? Let her do what she wants. I don't go to your job and tell you how to...do whaterver it is that you do.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:53 PM  

BI:
I HATE reading interviews with authors (I refuse to call her a "writer") who say things such as, "the character was revealed to me; it wasn't as if I CREATED the character, but that he/she/it spoke to me and told me what to write." Freaks

By Blogger Leezer, at 4:54 PM  

It would be nice if he lived, but that really wouldn't go along with the tone and pace of the previous books. Yes, I read them all and have all the movies.

She is totally going to kill him off.

By Blogger HelloBettyLou, at 4:59 PM  

You figure that when JKR started writing the novels she had a certain idea of where she was going to take it... certain plot twists, certain character appearances, blah blah blah...

In the course of writing she probably said to herself something like "Hey if I kill of Ron in the fifth book it will probably create a really depressing tone for the next two. I should wait and kill him off in a touching sequence near the end of the series at the hand of Voldermort... It will ratchet up the emotional tension a few notches before the finale dual/dialog with voldermort and might even allow me to use some fun, lame, and loud emotional one-liners like 'YOU KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!'"

By Anonymous The Voktardt, at 5:31 PM  

Oh no you did not!

No one and I mean no one, gonna talk smack about my girl Ms. JK.

I love me some Ms. JK. Girl just like a mother to me. There ain't no better writer alive than Ms. JK.

Course, girl so wrapped up in her fantasy world she think them made up characters talk to her.

But she be forgiven 'cus boy let me tell you, woohee, that girl can write like a rapper can rap.

I don't care what she do, just noone better be talkin' bad about my Ms. JK.

By Blogger Madame Agent, at 5:31 PM  

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

By Blogger TALK!, at 5:39 PM  

Who's smack talking Ms. JK? Certainly not I, And Mr. Belligerent clearly stated at the top of his post that "One Motivation For Mocking People Is Jealousy"... but as for better authors Phillip Roth and Thomas Pynchon come to mind... though it is generally bad policy to compare authors. Best to judge them on their own merits...

And yeah, Hagrid would be a much more appropriate choice for the chopping block in last book. With Mr. D now dead it might be a little too mean-spirited/dark to kill off a really, really close friend of Harry's.

By Anonymous The Voktardt, at 5:59 PM  

She should have killed off the Ron character before the kid that plays him in the movie series went through puberty. Listening to that cracking voice took me back to Brady Bunch episodes with Peter Brady embracing his "Time to Change." Blech.

Characters she expected to survive have died. Christ...I think this gives me more insight into why it is my writing skeills never materialized. Perhaps I'm not schizo enough to pull off a novel. I'm with Viscountess on this one...Rowling sounds like she needs some meds, or something.

By Blogger Faith, at 6:04 PM  

That's why you can't invest so much love in a series of books.

By Blogger Momentary Academic, at 6:22 PM  

I think the woman may have forgotten that there was a time when she was writing this shit on paper bags.

By Blogger Aaron, at 6:49 PM  

Jesus Christ, Voktardt, get a sense of humor. Relax, it's only a blog.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:01 PM  

The term isn't "magician" or "illusionist", dumbass. It's "Wizard".

Kidding...really funny post.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:18 PM  

I have to agree, she has completely lost sight of why she started this whole series in the first place. She's the richest woman in Britain and she needs to be reminded of her humble roots.

By Blogger HelloBettyLou, at 7:48 PM  

If she set out to deliver a delightful and charming piece of childhood entertainment that would grows and mature with the people who starting reading it however many years ago, Rowling is the model of someone who has achieved a phenomenal amount of financial and artistic success... no reason in the least bit to be reminded of her roots... she is a poster child for the joy of capitalism... and as long as the quality of the books stay up to snuff there doesn't seem to be any reason to rally against that...
I agree though that authors usually should avoid talking about what or how they write... rarely puts them in a good light...

By Anonymous The Voktardt, at 8:26 PM  

Mad props to you BI! That was damn funny. A wizard is a make-believe person who has actual magical powers... a magician is a fatfuck at Vegas who steals money while cutting some ho in half and an illusionist is a crazy, body pierced freak who makes you think you saw something you didn't. Hmmm... sounds like college...

By Blogger Fig, at 9:26 PM  

Rowling should just be happy she made bank off an idea she stole from fellow British author Neil Gaiman's "The books of magic". The series should end with young Tim Hunter....I mean Harry Potter realizing he is, when it's all said and done, just another exploited commodity. Then he rams his wand through his eye into his brains and dies like a man.

By Anonymous dave, at 11:04 PM  

Talk! needs to stop talking.

By Blogger My Novelty Organ, at 11:40 PM  

I think Harry dies peacefully in his sleep of natural causes after dishing out the world's most savage, yet magestic (due to his prowess with the supernatural) Dirty Sanchez to his longtime target, Hermione.

Ron then takes his own life, with the wand, like they did in "Shogun." Full-on disembowlment.

By Blogger David, at 12:42 AM  

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

By Blogger TALK!, at 8:15 AM  

This has nothing to do with your post - what's your take on Mel Gibson?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:05 AM  

I think she meant that the story took a turn she hadn't originally intended it to take.
Those creative people; who can understand them? Not me!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:49 AM  

What if an obsessed man-hating fan (played by Kathy Bates in the eventual movie version), cuts off her own tongue in protest of Potter and THEN kills him but only after clubbing his knees to hold him captive for a while before the murder. Do you think Irving and King would then approve of Potter's demise?

By Blogger Gypsy Rose, at 11:44 AM  

LOL

By Blogger Amaya, at 12:32 PM  

i haven't read/seen any of the harry potter. did i miss anything important?

By Blogger treespotter, at 2:12 PM  

On the plus side, she probably realizes that if she kills off Harry, future generations of children -- knowing the end -- won't read the books as eagerly or in such considerable numbers.

On the minus side, she probably thinks more of her own "vision" than she does anything else.

And there's this: An unpublished writer conceives a multi-volume saga and writes the last thirty pages first. And after six books, worldwide fame, an adoring public, and a billion dollar fortune -- she can't see that maybe she could do better than that untried writer all those years ago.

Dollars to doughnuts, Harry's toast.

By Anonymous Joshua S. Rubenstein, at 7:45 PM  

If we're all talking about this now, I cannot wait to see what the buzz is like when the freaking book actually comes out. I think I'll need to take the day off work to read it, seriously.

Seriously, I think that if Harry dies, it should be after he implants Hermione with his seed. That would totally piss off Ron.

Although since HP already follows along with certain literary motifs (no parents, etc), it would suggest that Ron or Hermione has definitely got to go. Or, like any good tragedy, every dies except Ron or Hermione.

By Blogger idratherbesailing, at 1:12 PM  

Wow, I think you're all dorks.

But I still love you.

By Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders, at 2:25 PM  

I just found your blog, and I have to say you are an ass! And I mean that in the best way possible. "Oh my! I didn't see that coming." Too freakin funny.

By Blogger Cheetarah1980, at 9:57 PM  

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