The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Thursday, August 24

Site News

A few things:

1. I know things have been a little slow and off schedule around here, but I have a very good reason for it. I’ve been busy with another project that I can’t really talk about yet. Actually, yes I can. It’s my fantasy football team. Deal with it.

2. I just added some new links to my sidebar, including an RSS and Atom feed. Honestly, I have little to no knowledge on what an RSS feed is, how it works or who uses it, but someone emailed me saying they thought I should have one. So I got one. Not much different than eight grade when super-crush Tanya Vasquez thought I should buy the soundtrack to Jurassic Park. Hopefully this RSS thing will be a better decision.

3. Also included in the new links are My Yahoo and Google. Again – things I know very little about. But apparently you can customize those sites to include the news, sports, finance, blog, etc. links that you want, all on one page. I set one up with Google and, along with some up-to-the-minute headlines and weather forecasts, I got this:

It’s things like this that make Google such a successful company. Come on, How To Do a Roundhouse Kick?! Would I ever think of sitting down at my desk one morning and saying, “It’d be really awesome if I knew how to do a roundhouse kick the right way.” No, of course not. But was I practicing in my office this afternoon? You bet your ass I was. And am I a naturally gifted karate fighter? Well don’t piss me off and you won’t have to find out.*

4. Finally, I’ve been getting awfully tired of looking at my template lately. (By lately, I mean the past 10 months.) While I like the general layout of things, the colors are boring and the lack of a banner up top just smacks of “HTMLoser.” I mean, even all the mommy blogs have a decorative banner up top. It’s depressing. So I want to put one up on my site.

The problems with that:

1. I don’t know how.
2. See #1.

So I was hoping there was a kind reader or two out there who had some sort of working knowledge on how to do this and could help me out. Not like you would have to come to my house and stand over my shoulder saying, “No, put the cursor there. OK, no, wait, you lost it. Go back. OK, are you retarded? This isn’t that hard.” But maybe you could just be on call for any troubleshooting problems that may arise. Or maybe I could email you my template and you could do it, I don’t know I’m just thinking out loud here. But the end result is a more awesome website for everyone. Like the saying goes, “It takes a community to raise a middle income white guy with no formal HTML training.” So email me if you’re interested in not making any money to take on a project that will likely end with you hating me.

* In the interest of full disclosure, I did take karate lessons when I was 12, but then quit after orange belt because that meant I would have to start sparring with other kids. And not because I was afraid of fighting (I was a killing machine), but because I was afraid to wear a cup. If I had three wishes, I would honestly make my third wish “I wish that last sentence wasn’t true.” But if Terminator II taught me anything, it’s that even killing machines have their weaknesses. Mine happened to be a discomfort of wearing things on my groin.**

** I can’t believe I tell you people shit like this. My therapist said it would be good for me, but personally it’s about as therapeutic as his suggestion we reenact those nightmares I had about being molested, which I’m still not certain is an accepted form of treatment.


I can help you.

By Blogger My Novelty Organ, at 3:52 PM  

I picture you making that comment while holding your hand on my shoulder saying, "It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault . . . It's not your fault."

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 3:57 PM  

Don't let your therapist molest you, Dan. It costs extra and your girlfriend will probably do it for free (mine charges me, though).

By Blogger HomeImprovementNinja, at 3:57 PM  

Really hope the next post is video of you practicing your roundhouse kicks!

Happy to help with any HTML, although while I may be right at home in the code, I have the artistic talent of a chimp with a crayon after too much coffee.

So if you've got the graphics, I could certainly tell you where to stick them....

By Blogger Matt, at 4:00 PM  

I never liked wearing a cup either. I've never understood why boys who play sports growing up are forced to wear the hard cups held in place by a jock strap rather than the soft groin protectors that boxers wear.

By Blogger MDS, at 4:19 PM  

Yeah, I taught a guy in fencing that he should always wear a cup. He may or may not be able to have children now. I'm rather proud of that fact. So, if you and TG ever want to procreate, you might want to talk about your whole fear with your therapist. Either that or don't fence me.

By Blogger Rebecca, at 4:36 PM  

Is it wrong that I laughed not only at (*), but also at (**)—out loud?

And, did Chuck Norris write the roundhouse how to? Because he would be the authority on the matter.

By Blogger ❉ pixie ❉, at 4:36 PM  

ooh, change is good. you should totally just put up a banner with images of studded leather belts, wristbands and chokers. everyone needs to go through that '____ sheds her good girl image' phase.

but as soon as you start getting criticized for being too 'raw,' just be prepared to do some 'good sense is abstinence' PSAs.

By Blogger ducklet, at 4:43 PM  

Because you use you already had an RSS feed and an atom feed. I've been reading you that way for months. They hide the links in the source code. The links are:

By Blogger PastaQueen, at 4:51 PM  

Wait - so should those addresses be what I link to in my sidebar? Not the websites they currently link to?

If you stop and think about it, I'm living proof that no matter how dumb you are you can still have mediocre success at relatively unimportant ventures. I'm a goddamned beacon.

By Blogger the belligerent intellectual, at 5:09 PM  

Your Add to Google link definatly works; my personalised Google home page now sports a Daily Dump section. Just what it was missing!

By Blogger Matt, at 5:18 PM  


You never did comment on my offer of your moving to Utah. Remember couch/book/selling my eggs?

I'm just going to take that to mean you're not considering it. It's cool. I was planning on selling my eggs to buy a Prius anyway.

I ran into, maybe, the most useless blog ever.

She's a rich socialite who blogs about grosgrain belts, her freaky-looking sugar daddy and the "Save the Hoot Owl of Northeastern Hamptons" parties she goes to.

You may not be able to look away.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:25 PM  

Sorry if you've already heard this but I'm new, cut me some slack: has any one told you that from your slightly obscured and tiny photo you kinda look like John Krasinski from The Office?

I think it's a good thing.

By Blogger Lil Kate, at 5:26 PM  

Speaking of pictures I now have the intro I need to say this: My mom thinks you're hot, BI. So. Thanks a lot. I really needed to hear that coming from my mothers lips. Now, for the love of holy-oak, would you please put up a less cute picture so I don't feel the urge to gouge out my own eyes whenever I see your profile?

By Anonymous Malice Alice, at 5:32 PM  

I actually like your color scheme, but change is always (well usually) good! I wish I could help you with html, but html kicked me in the ass when i tried to change my template, and so I gave up and am still preparing myself for my next battle. My blog color scheme is even more boring than yours.

By Blogger TCho, at 5:34 PM  

Hey BI,

I've been lurking around for a while and have you linked on my blogroll. I'd be happy to help with any graphics issues/color schemes for your site.

By Blogger Jester, at 5:42 PM  

If you find someone to help you, please send them my way when you're done with them. I'm sick to death of looking at my page. They, of course, will probably hate me too.

By Blogger Trix, at 5:52 PM  

BI - You can link to either set. They both work. If it makes you feel better, I'm a web developer so it's my job to know about weird shit like this.

By Blogger PastaQueen, at 6:39 PM  

I'd be happy to help with any graphics/html issues you have, also.

By Blogger Cath, at 7:46 PM  

Cups make your package look bigger.

By Blogger Varsity Loser, at 7:58 PM  

OMG ur so crazy!!!1!


By Blogger mysterygirl!, at 8:57 PM  

I can't help you.

But once I took Tae Kwon Do and was the most pathetic looking thing. I think I probably looked like Rachel Draech, only taller. Sad. I didn't learn how to round house kick, but I could probably donkey kick someone in the nuts if I had to get out of a jam.

By Blogger Leezer, at 12:38 AM  

i prefer a donkey punch to a roundhouse kick.

By Blogger Lux Lisbon, at 2:46 AM  

I cant help you but I would like to benefit from said training too! I am afraid of HTML and my blog reflects it.

By Blogger Z, at 10:06 AM  

please, please, please post a video of you doing a roundhouse kick.
i'm fairly good at html but these blogger templates throughly confuse me. good luck with that, though!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:59 AM  

Sure I'd be glad to help you, but you'd probably be left with no blog at all. As I know nothing about html and rss and all of those other things that are needed.

Now the roundhouse kick, that I can do. So at least once I've helped mess up your blog, together we can effectively 'kill' the computer with our superb kicks and blame the computer for ruining it!

Good plan?!!

By Blogger Sarah, at 12:32 PM  

If someone explains how to put the image in the header, will you post the directions? Each time I try I just move text and no image appears. Thanks!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:51 PM  

I also quit after orange because of the sparring. Except I WAS afraid of fighting. Which I think is a good attribute for any martial artist.

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