The Daily Dump

A place where everyone (me) is welcomed to express their opinions openly and honestly. I encourage free thinking, free wheeling, off-the-cuff banter and monetary donations.

Tuesday, September 5

An Open Letter To My Readers

I have some good news and some bad news.

The bad news is, this will be the last post for The Daily Dump. There have been some big changes in my life recently (including being homeless and alone in a world of pain and confusion) and these sorts of things don’t make for good writing, especially when what you’re writing is frivolous attempts at humor relying on an overuse of similes and copious run-on sentences. I’m not going to tarnish the good memory of this blog by allowing myself to get drunk one night and publish a post entitled “FUCK YOU, WORLD”.

The good new is, you guys are awesome. Honestly, everyone who’s ever come through here. Obviously if you commented I like you more, but you’re all heroes in your own way. So to everyone who has ever taken the time to read what I wrote, I just want to say thank you. On more days than not, writing a blog post has been the most fun hour of my day, and not just because I’m consistently thrilled with myself, but because every so often you guys had as much fun as I was having. It’s hard to say with a straight face, “The Daily Dump has been so rewarding for me,” but it’s the truth. So again, thanks for being awesome.

On a more upbeat note, I’m definitely not ruling out the chance of me starting up a new site in the future. I spent too many hours learning how to add a line break in HTML to never use that knowledge again. So if you want, send me an email now and if the time comes that I get back in the game I’ll send out a notice and we’ll all reunite, reminisce, and get back to making this world a better place.

And on a final note, to all you other bloggers out there: make sure you keep on writing and entertaining the shit out of me. Because that’s how we roll.

Thanks again for the great run – it was better than I ever thought it would be.



No don't go. I am a silent addict but I can't live without this blog.

Okay I can live without the blog, but not happily.

What is that picture of?

By Blogger rawbean, at 5:37 PM  

Please don't go. Please? I think I may cry at my desk. This is the worst day ever..

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:43 PM  


I am so sad! Ever since Paige F. from "Things that make you go Hmm" turned me onto The Dump, I have been a daily reader, enthusiastic recommender of the DD and occasional commentor.

Sorry to hear about the troubles. You seriously have added a bright spot to my day for a long while now. I'll miss your sharp writing, your endearing personality and spot-on wit.

Loads of love, good will, prayers for a happier tomorrow, refuge from your storms and thanks.
-Heather Hans

My offer to sell my eggs and have you move in with me in Utah is still valid. Think it over... :)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:43 PM  

Wish I had something more eloquent to say here...

You will be missed here in bloggerland. Thanks for sharing all of those great posts with us. I hope things get better in your world and that we see you write again.

a longtime lurker

By Blogger Melinda, at 5:47 PM  

sorry, i don't have time to read the post, i'm sure it was very funny, as usual, but i was just so excited to tell you that me and a bunch of blog friends got together over the weekend to brainstorm ideas for your new blog redesign! you are definitely gonna love the new look!

By Blogger ducklet, at 5:47 PM  

Holy fuck.

My day sucked pretty badly until I came here and read this. Obviously, my days don't suck as badly as yours do right now, but still, it's all about perspective, and I cannot express *enough* how much you've entertained me since you first commented on my blog, and alerted me to your presence in this world.

Please do keep in touch. I'll send an e-mail as well to ensure the keep-in-touchness, but goddammit man! I'm 'gone miss you!!!

(I will not, however, miss your almost impossible word verification. Jeezus!)

By Blogger Faith, at 5:48 PM  

I'm going to go ahead and call bulshit on this one.


By Blogger birdie, at 5:51 PM  

NO NO NO NO no no no....
Just when I was excited because I thought you might be back... you go and say goodbye.

You don't know how many times I was shaking with silent laughter at my desk from The Daily Dump, hope you start up a new site soon!

By Blogger Assist Assistant, at 5:51 PM  

Dan, I hope you'll somehow let me know when you start writing again. First Dirk the Feeble quits and then you. : (
Seriously, let me know when you get something going again, and I'll hope you'll drop by my page from time-to-time.

Level with us, did your girlfriend dump you or something? Do you want me to make a few calls? I know a guy.

By Anonymous dr. kenneth noisewater, at 5:53 PM  

today is a sad, sad day.

By Anonymous gina, at 6:06 PM  

and I just started reading too.


By Blogger Ryan Charisma, at 6:07 PM  

man oh man

there are so many simple simon lame blogs out there

finally found a "good" one

you can't go now

was it the pressure to perform?

would it help to make it the "weekly" dump instead of the "daily" dump?


i hope the pic on today's entry isn't something from your current environment; if it is, that could certainly explain your feeling of being overwhelmed

please hang in there for a bit

i promise to comment regularly if you's that for incentive?


Cajun gal

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:13 PM  

you will be misssed. find shelter and happiness, then come back and share the love.

By Anonymous you'vesharedtoomuchtowalkaway, at 6:14 PM  

My first comment, and it has to be for this! Your blog has been a source of great laughter and it's sad to see it go (at least on break). You have provided the best and most original content of any blog I've read this past year, so in your current confused world at least know that one thing!

I look forward to your return.

By Anonymous Mike, at 6:19 PM  

I don't know if this was a real post or not (one of the earlier commenters adamantly claims its not).

But if it is, I just want to say you'll be missed. I only added you to my blog reader a few months ago but your posts have always been some of my favorites.

If this is the end, I hope that you'll leave your old posts up. I haven't caught up on your archives yet and would hate to miss out.

"ya ok so just, if i don't see you again, keep...keep on truckin, alright goodstuff."


By Anonymous amish, at 6:21 PM  

Dan...I haven't been visiting your site for very long...but I'm certainly going to miss your writings.

I hope that whatever you're dealing with passes quickly and that you gain strength, wisedom, and insight from the struggle.

I'll be praying for you.

By Anonymous TALK!, at 6:23 PM  

i'll miss you.

well, not really. you were way funnier before you got popular.

i knew you'd always quit,


By Blogger Lozo, at 6:24 PM  

I cross my arms and stomp my little foot and add my selfish and futile entreaty for you to please, please stay. ::sniff:: you don't always have to be funny. I didn't comment very often, but that doesn't mean that I didn't not want to throw it all over for you and seduce you so that you could have my babies. I did. Often.
Ok, in all seriousness, I hope that things improve without further delay or pain. And that you come back to us. Because we're greedy, selfish bitches who kinda like you and your blog.

By Blogger Gemini Prefect, at 6:28 PM  

Just when I found you now you have to go..tear...hope you come back.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:30 PM  

Damn. I'm not clever enough to comment much, but have long stood, like the rabble watching the Queen's carriage pass, admiring on the sidelines.

I hope, first, that you find the sunshine again, and, second, that you keep writing.

By Blogger wunelle, at 6:37 PM  

You will be missed. I'm sad but I understand.

By Blogger Smartypants, at 6:38 PM  

How dare you!?

Sorry, didn't mean for that to sound so harsh. But I just discovered your blog yesterday and now you're ending it. Even though I only had the chance to read you for a day, you will be missed! It was love at first sight.

Damn...first the summer ends and now this. Come back soon!

By Anonymous Mike's sister, at 6:40 PM  


You can't go. What will I do with my five extra minutes a day? Work? I don't think so. I don't think there is a replacement for your words.

I will pray that things will get better for you.

Let me know when you get back to writing. It is in your blood. You have to come back.


By Anonymous 8675309., at 6:42 PM  

Dan!!! Say it 'aint so! I've been reading your blog FOREVER!!!! You are a wonderful writer and entertain me to no end! There has been more than one occasion (ok, honestly, it's like almost every day) where I'm cracking up in my office and my co-workers walk by and give me the "ya, lena's strange" look. I will certainly email you so you can lemmy know when you come back to bloggerville. Take care and I hope everything works out for the best. HANG IN THERE! :)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:56 PM  

I'm so sad! You're definitely one of the most entertaining and original voices out there.

I hope everything works out.


By Blogger Jaime, at 6:58 PM  

NO! I'm so sorry to hear this, Dan. Best of luck with everything you're going through. Your humor and wit will be missed by many. It was a damn good run.

Take care,

By Blogger abby, at 7:03 PM  

you had me at hello.

pouring one out for you, dan.

By Anonymous angelina, at 7:06 PM  

Dan, this sucks! I hpe this is just a joke, but...Don't go! Your writing rocks, and hey - you don't have to be funny with every post, man -

By Blogger mark, at 7:13 PM  

You were one of the first blogs I read and a beginning into a long long descent into the blogger world. God help me. You should go on unemployment, it seriously makes life better. But way to quit while you are ahead.

Hope to see you at future blogger happy hours. I would still proudly wear a "DumpStar" t-shirt. And damn, we were working on the design!

By Blogger Betty, at 7:19 PM  

Goddamit. I just added a link to this site. And now you’re telling me I’ve got to figure out how I did it so that I can go back in there and UNdo it?

Sigh …

It’s not the time it’ll take that bothers me (5 seconds to do it. 6 months to remember to do it). It’s that when I thought of the tag, “These Blogs Always Remember to Flush”, there was a(n obvious) reason Daily Dump came first.

C’est la vie.

At any rate, good luck. More importantly, however, I hope you change your mind.

By Blogger John Flowers, at 7:27 PM  

Dan! Like everyone else who avidly read your blog, I am crushed that you are deciding to end the Daily Dump. I figure you must have a lot going on in your personal life to risk the rage of your readers hearing about your departure. I have more than enjoyed your writing since I found your blog and will miss getting to read it every day! If you ever return, please let us know. I'll be waiting and hoping that you come to your senses. Good luck!

By Blogger Carrie Broadshoulders, at 7:39 PM  

NOTHING compares to your blog. I know you will someday be a famous writer and I can say I read you way back when. You have soooo much talent! Please take care, BI!

By Blogger Leezer, at 7:42 PM  

Nooooo!!! Where will I get my daily fix of the daily dump??? I've enjoyed your bloggings for awhile now, and I am sad that you will no longer be blogging. But I would like to say best of luck to you! Take care!

By Blogger m, at 7:44 PM  

Way to abandon us. My productivity at work is now going to increase .03% and while my employers may thank you, that does not make me very happy.

Hopefully you'll come to your senses and realize that it is your civic duty to distract and entertain and aide in my getting through the day. And because of that hope,I refuse to remove your link from my site. Until then...

By Blogger Clink, at 7:44 PM  

Hi Dan!

I love love love your blog. I'm so sorry I never commented before. But I love love love your blog and I'm sorry you're quitting and that you're down in the dumps.

Seriously, I love love love(d) your blog.

Thanks, El.

By Anonymous El, at 7:53 PM  

Well THIS has to be my least favorite of all your none. I don't like the fact that you're leaving - the Crocodile Hunter dies and now this! What a cold, cruel world we live in. Always remember when you're going through tough the words of my mother..."this too, shall pass". Kinda fitting for the daily dump's last post, dontchathink? You'll be missed.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:30 PM  

Everytime a blogger quites God Kills a baby. Nobody like a quiter.

By Blogger "The D", at 8:37 PM  

You will be missed! Good luck with everything and we will be on the look out for you in the (hopefully) near future!

By Blogger Texas Cinderella, at 8:42 PM  

You suck you suck you suck you suck you suck you suck. Don't go, asshole.

Seriously, I understand. It gets to be too much/too boring/too something/too nothing/whatever.

That said, you'll be back. There's going to be a hole in your life that can't be filled with anything other than blogging, getting drunk with bloggers and blogging about getting drunk with bloggers. You'll have to quit a couple of times before you quite for real.

By Blogger spinachdip, at 8:54 PM  

are you high or something?

why are you stopping?

Im reminded of the time me and boyfriend were humping like rabbits, and it was really good, and then he just stops. i mean, you had me going man.


im sad

what the hell am i going to do now for 7.5 hours at work?

but were my fav blog and im going to miss...sniff* tear* having my daily dump

By Blogger BAMBIE EYES, at 8:56 PM  

I cant believe you ..ive only been able to enjoy you for the past 2 months, and Poof youre gone....I hurt when you hurt, but damn motherfucker... why we allll gotta get punished??
POO ON YOU>...will definetly miss your crazy ass...Hope you come back...maybe with all this attention you'll caome back. Isnt it amazing how many people are saddned by this loss? Dont you feel bad? Not even a bit? Well i forgot who the author was lol

but seriously...dont leave meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
love, kikimia - forever a desperate fan lol

By Blogger SAILOR MOON, at 8:58 PM  

p.s. wheres your email>??? mines shout me out and send me youre email, i wanna be on your enenlistment list. of lists...

By Blogger SAILOR MOON, at 9:00 PM  

sad - you were one of my favorite blogs. great writing, i hope you keep it up.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:03 PM  

Noooo! Your blog is my absolute favorite blog to read. There is no other blog that can replace it. Such sadness. I wish you better times and please, please come back someday and let me know you're back.

By Blogger kiki, at 9:08 PM  

I'm bummed you have decided to stop writing The Daily Dump, but I understand. Obviously by the throngs of comments, you have made an impression with your humor and your writing that not all writers make. Congrats.

Thanks for the laughs, and good luck with everything.

By Blogger Erin Mc, at 9:14 PM  

i'll miss reading you, Dan.
good luck w/ everything. stay up!

By Blogger mutoni, at 9:17 PM  

I can't believe you are leaving. I can honestly say that your blog was the bright spot in my day. I don't know what I am going to do without you. I can't want to live without you! Please reconsider!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:33 PM  

DAN!!! I heart you!! (in the blogger sense of hearting...I think..) I miss you already. You're a talented writer-I hope you get as much satisfaction out of it as you give to others who have the joy of reading your work. And I hope that makes you come back soon. Like really soon. Like tomorrow maybe?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:02 PM  

Dan, if you are in fact single, I will date you.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:03 PM  

Dude, you rocked. But I understand. I'll miss you lots but even more, I'll miss the traffic that came my way from this blog. No offense.

You're hilarious and gifted. Write a book. Blow our minds.

By Anonymous Bob, at 10:43 PM  

Dude, You are not alone. Sorry for your pain but it just makes you stronger. Good luck and hope to see you out there in the bloggersphere sometime soon.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:51 PM  

I may have run out of time to comment, or read the comments (school and all), but I never stopped reading the posts!!!!! Hell, I told people to visit your site.

You'll be sorely missed. I hope to find you if you ever start blogging again.

By Anonymous, at 11:00 PM  

u can't go, i just started to read this blog!!! damn u, damn the world. u ever start another blog.

By Blogger Mahogany, at 11:09 PM  

I am speechless. There are no words. I feel a void.

Good luck, man. You will be missed.

By Blogger Chris, at 11:11 PM  

That's what Angelina ( said, and she came back with a site even more attractive than the one she abandoned. Dan will be back.

And if I keep telling myself that, everything will be fine. Don't ever leave completely chum. Drop by my blog and visit.

This is indeed, a sad, sad day.

By Blogger Janet, at 11:22 PM  

I couldn't decide between these two:

1. "Finally!"

2. "Ten hut, there's an officer on deck."

So you decide. Fuck you.

By Blogger Ace Cowboy, at 11:32 PM  

I'm so sorry you're leaving... snd so sorry I never posted before although I love your blog.

Hopefully things will be better.


By Blogger karmon, at 11:33 PM  

This is the last time I participate in a trend. Damn you Dan! I love you and like the parachute pants I kept close to my heart, you are leaving me high and dry.

Please come back (I'm still holding out for the pants too)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:37 PM  

No - - NO!! Seriously - NO!! Don't go! I look forward to your posts SO MUCH.


Dan, I wish you the best. You've made me laugh so hard I've cried many, many times over. And thanks for the advice, too, about maybe moving to New York. You're such a giver.

Ok, ok - - this is a joke, right? Right?


Best to you.

By Blogger sadielady, at 11:52 PM  

Thanks for inspiring me to start my own blog.

Let me know when you're ready to drop some more children off at the pool.

By Blogger Sexy Lexi, at 11:54 PM  

:( I am honest to god bummed out to hear about this. I just hope that things with you gets better and that you continue to write because you are by far the most entertaining person I have ever 'read' in my life. I hope to see you back someday, but best of luck to ya in the future and take care.

Long time reader, Lynds!

Goodbyes are forever so instead I will say, "Smell ya later!" :)

By Blogger Beechball, at 12:09 AM  

This sucks.

I just found this place and now it's ending (I hope not).

I hope whatever is bad in your life right now gets better soon.


By Blogger Tatterdemallion, at 1:06 AM  


By Blogger shirley, at 1:22 AM  

What a bummer. Now what am I going to read? Won't you reconsider? We'll take your musings silver lined or with a touch of gray...


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:33 AM  

I like(d) the way you write.
Best o' luck to ya, where ever you end up next!

By Blogger bella, at 1:46 AM  

It's a sad day for readers everywhere, and would be a real shame to see you go. Good news or bad, it's always been a welcome break in a day to sit back and read your well written adventures, and I'm sure you've been a great influence on other bloggers; it was only after reading yours I started blogging myself!

If you feel the need for a "Fuck you, world" post, go for it, you've got a lot of friends here, and we're not just here for the good times, so feel free to vent!

Hope we'll be seeing you again soon.

By Blogger Matt, at 2:51 AM  

Omg. I return from Europe (where I had a crappy time) and find out this. :-(. Well, I'm a late addict to your blog and so I still have all your archives to read. I hope you come back, and let me know if you start up a new blog!

By Blogger TCho, at 6:55 AM  

I loved reading your blog so this kind of blows but I can definitely understand the desire to stop blogging. In any event, best of luck to you!

By Blogger Jill, at 7:39 AM  

Gah! Say it isn't so. Is this not just a cry for attention? Some way to make us all grovel, plead, or bribe you to stay?

I might just pout for 3 days. Hope you feel badly. :-P

Seriously, if this is really the end, you had a good run and will be very much missed in Blogland.

By Blogger Tree, at 8:01 AM  

Dear Dan,



By Blogger mance01, at 8:09 AM  

and so soon after i found you! NOoooo! well i hope everything works out. and remember it can always get worse!

By Blogger Lux Lisbon, at 8:09 AM  

I really can't say anything that hasn't been said already. I have laughed out loud from my desk, I will miss the daily dump. Hopefully you are back sooner rather than later.

By Blogger little miss sunshine, at 8:56 AM  


By Blogger Tim, at 9:11 AM  

Dan, you've got to blog through the pain man.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:15 AM  


By Blogger Gwen, at 9:19 AM  


What in the world could have gone so wrong that you can't blog anymore!? I love reading your posts... hurry up and come back!

I do wish you the best in whatever it is you need to take care of.

By Blogger Kerry, at 9:24 AM  

Please don't go. I was actually thinking to myself on the subway this morning, "First order of business when I get to work - check and see if TDD has been updated." But now you're gone. I hope things start to go your way. Thanks for all the hilarious posts. If I were in publishing, I would offer you a book deal.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:48 AM  

This is the 3rd blog in the last two weeks that I've come across, found interesting, bookmarked, then had the next post be one saying the blog was shutting down. It's the curse of Eric I think. Note to anyone else, don't let me read your blog, only bad things happen

By Blogger Eric, at 9:52 AM  

What the?? Now I'm alone in a world of pain and confusion.

Feel better and COME BACK!

xo BSH

By Blogger The Brooklyn Sea Hag, at 10:11 AM  

Wow. This is sad. You were definitely one of my favorite blogs, and I looked forward to reading it everyday!

I'm really sorry that things took a crap for you! You're in my prayers. I'll be emailing you!

Good luck and God bless!

By Blogger Sarah, at 10:36 AM  


I couldn't help but to come back today to see if you changed your mind.

I already miss you too much.

Come back.


By Anonymous 8675309, at 10:53 AM  

In the brief month or two since I found your site, I've read every archived post voraciously and sent many cackling emails to friends sharing your link. I hope you come back soon. Good luck with all your stuff.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:17 AM  

Lots of people seem to want you to come back.

And, luckily for us, we know you're name, your IP address, and the city in which you live.

I mean, there can't be that many Daniel Murphy's in NYC, can there?

By Blogger Kelly, at 11:24 AM  

I am deeply saddened by this news, and by the notion that i will have to bide my time with actual work...

Please don't go.

By Anonymous Otaer Kulot, at 11:27 AM  

ALAS, how the might have fallen.
I adored youre writing.
I'm a little surprised and now I think I may have to go down to the street and flip-off some random passers-by just to unload this feeling of sadness.

Wish me I go...

By Blogger JP, at 11:33 AM  

I hope things take a turn for the better. Yours was my favorite blog to read, and obviously many other people feel the same. I look forward to your return when you are ready. Take care.

By Anonymous dave, at 11:39 AM  

Damn - and just when I found you, too.

Not to trivialize your situation - obviously you have some serious shit to deal with, but, take it from someone who has risen from the blog ashes once before: You WILL Return. It's in you, dude. Your cells have mutated forever and you will always be of the Blogger Brethren.

By Blogger Me:The Sequel, at 11:39 AM  

for real?

surely you jest, fine sir.

By Blogger monicafreisem, at 11:51 AM  

I enjoyed it

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:56 AM  

Say it isnt so, Dan!! We will miss you and hope you are doing well.
You have brightened many a day for us!
Come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaackkk!

By Blogger Z, at 12:02 PM  

Unlike many people who have commented so far, I've been reading this blog for a long time... and like many people, I LOVE it.
I've never commented before (I'm creepy and anonymous that way), but this outrageous news has forced me to.
Please, please... don't go.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:06 PM  

Ah, man!

You will be missed. Sorely. Like, what the hell are all of us supposed to do while we are supposed to be working?

I hope this is a joke, and if it is not, I hope all goes well and you come back better than ever.

A long time reader who is sad her first comment had to be about this.....

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:07 PM  

You made me feel young and hip again- even though I am in my late 30s... reading your blog was like sneaking out to watch MTV after my teenagers went to bed!

By Blogger Fig, at 12:14 PM  

Wait, what? I'm a little late checking in and... well... what?!?

Tell me honestly -- did your brief foray into hoe-downing lead to a flirtation with the insidious world of clogging which gradually took over your life and you can't both blog and clog so it's one or the other?

Choose blog!

In all seriousness, hope everything's okay. Come back soon, ya here?

By Blogger MonkeyPants, at 12:15 PM  

can you say "saddest day ever"?
what am i supposed to do with my lunch hours now, what will my friends and i talk about if we can not chuckle about your fun posts...thank god this is a short work week because i don't think i could handle a full one wiht such sad new..
good luck and you'll be missed!!

By Anonymous Amy, at 12:19 PM  

Personally, I think pain can be one of the best sources of humor. The best writers all have fucked up lives. Better to laugh than curl up under the bed and cry, right? Oh right, if you're homeless I guess that would be a park bench, not a bed.

That said, I also believe all blogs have an expiration date and if you feel like now's the time to move on, I wish you the best of luck in all of your future projects. You're a great writer and I hope you don't let that talent go to waste like I have!

By Blogger PastaQueen, at 12:20 PM  

Hey, just wanted to say I really enjoy your writing. Your blog always makes me laugh and is a nice escape from the daily grind. I hope you can return to it one day when things settle down for you. Always remember, even when things seem at their worst, life has a funny way of working itself out. I wish you the best and thank you for sharing your stories with us.

By Anonymous Sara, at 12:21 PM  

Saddest I ever could be.

By Anonymous Kelly, at 12:31 PM  

Thanks for the laughs Dan. Good luck, God bless.

By Blogger Kevin, at 12:39 PM  

Being one of the early readers of your blog I feel a close connection with you so if I need to beat someone up I will. Name the place and the time.

Your blog kept me laughing on many a glum day and I can only hope that you return.

Best of luck!


Blogger Beta is gay and you should be glad you got out while you did.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:40 PM  

sometimes life is the one to take a dump... on us. you'll get through this. come back when things are funny again. please?

By Anonymous KBo, at 12:43 PM  

Just another fan note. Sorry to see you go. Would definitely read whatever new blog you decide to start up.

Take care.

By Blogger Dennis!, at 1:05 PM  

And I only ever made one very un-clever post! Noooo!! You're kidding right? This a joke. The worst joke EVER!

You know what you need...wait...wait for it...Scott Toilet Paper! It's Common Sense on a roll!

Come back soon!

By Blogger PookaShell, at 1:05 PM  

Well, that sucks.
UI will miss you and I really enjoyed your blog.

By Blogger Tuesday Girl, at 1:06 PM  

It is a sad, sad day in bloggerland. Your's is by far my favorite blog I've ever read. You have a wit that so perfectly brightens any of my days, even when I myself felt alone in a world of confusion. I know this is the 105th fan note, but I just had to let you know that you will be very sorely missed.

Here's to hoping that you will someday find your way back here.

By Blogger Jader, at 1:28 PM  

No!!! I really enjoyed reading your blog. Good Luck!

By Anonymous Marjorie, at 1:30 PM  

you know, because i wasn't already *this* close to hurting myself already.

(i was going to leave the standard, 'FUCK YOU, DAN' comment last night, but stupid blogger's stupid word verification doesn't show up on my blackberry and i was at work.)

you know who loves you, babe.

By Blogger heather, at 1:32 PM  

My eyes welled up a little when reading this. Seriously. I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. You are an amazing writer and a darn funny guy.

You will be missed!! I hope everything works out for you.

By Anonymous Sakko, at 1:50 PM  

Are you doing the whole Seinfeld thing - get out while you're at the top? Come on, do like Friends and go until people puke at the site of you! COME ON!

108 comments, I mean if that isn't enough to convince you I don't know what is....sniff.

By Blogger rawbean, at 2:36 PM  

Look at this outcry! You shouldn’t quit, you should sell ad space. Nothing can get you out of a creative funk quite like selling out.

By Anonymous Rick, at 3:15 PM  

Booooo. I want to be you when I grow up.

By Blogger Tete Rouge, at 3:15 PM  

I can't believe you are O-U-T. I am saddened by the loss of your blog. I looked forward to reading the Daily Dump every afternoon at work.

Please do email if and when you start a new blog.

May the force be with you.

By Blogger takin chances, at 3:21 PM  

Damn. Just damn.

Thanks for the laughs.

By Blogger The Letter D, at 3:22 PM  

I can't believe you are O-U-T. I am saddened by the loss of your blog. I looked forward to reading the Daily Dump every afternoon at work.

Please do email if and when you start a new blog.

May the force be with you.

By Blogger takin chances, at 3:22 PM  

I'm so sad to hear this. I have only been reading you for the summer, but I thought you were so funny and so interesting. I hope you will change your mind in the future and that whatever is troubling you will clear up beautifully for you. I will miss your writing very much. I think you need ice cream. And, um, now that you're gone can I have your readers, because 110 comments - Wow. That's some serious love from a bunch of strangers. Feel better, and now I am going to figure out how to email you so you can put me on that list of people who want to read your hopefully future project.

By Blogger Wide Lawns Subservient Worker, at 3:24 PM  

I really love your writing style and Man, Are you FUNNY.

I will really miss you, Dan.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:27 PM  

Props, Dan. Me,too.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:29 PM  

I'm glad that you're leaving.

You write beautifully. Your posts are observant, humane and smart -- but never pedantic, sappy or condescending.

Your writing deserves a bigger and better platform than a blogspot url. Best of luck.

By Blogger CrimeNotes, at 3:29 PM  

eek!!! my day would not be complete without you. don't goooo!!!

By Blogger lizziep901, at 3:31 PM  

You warned me about this in the email last week. I thought you were just being mean...because you already had a girlfriend and didn't know how to let me down easy. Well this is a bit over the top isn't it?

Hope your life isn't really in shambles. Shambles suck. But rising out of them can be pretty life altering and fun.

That "Navy" chick.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:31 PM  

Huhwhat? Leaving? That picture doesn't look good.

I hope that you find something that makes you happy again. If it's online, be sure to share it with us. Y'know, if that makes you happy.

Gah. I suck.

By Blogger themikestand, at 3:37 PM  

You're the best, Dan. Good luck and Godspeed. You will be missed.

By Blogger p_is_for_payj, at 3:41 PM  

oh i'm so sad. i'll miss you. you are you hilarious! i felt we had a kinship, both being from the LI and now living in the Big A. please reconsider. i hope things work out for you.

By Anonymous jenny, at 3:43 PM  

Your's is the only blog that I read, all the way over here in backwards Texas, Gawker gave you to me and now you're gone. Thanks so much for all the muffled giggles you gave me, the workday won't be the same. But if this is a shameless tactic to have people say nice things about you....the relationship is over!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:46 PM  

well fuck-a-doodle-doo.

i'll miss you. let us know if you start something else...

By Blogger jennifer starfall, at 3:54 PM  

This is a sad, sad day. But since you're leaving I've finally got the courage to tell you how I feel...

I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back.

I want to be on you.

Anyway, I hope you come back someday. Just because I don't have a blog anymore doesn't mean I can't tell other people to KEEP BLOGGING DAMMIT! I'm selfish like that.

By Blogger Hope, at 3:57 PM  

Waah! *sniffle*

By Blogger babyoog, at 3:59 PM  

You're leaving??? You can't do that, reading your blog was such a highlight of my work day...come back Dan, I'll miss you!

You can come stay with me and use my computer, just don't go! LOL.


Good luck in life, I hope you come back one day...

By Blogger Dylan, at 3:59 PM  

I've read every word on your blog and thoroughly enjoyed them all. Thanks and best of luck to you in the future. You made something good here and, should you return, will be welcomed back with Open Arms, ya know, like Journey said...

By Blogger Whatever, at 4:08 PM  

I know you're bumming at the moment, but seriously...look at the number of responses you got from complete strangers. Don't quit. Find a way to make writing your career dude.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:08 PM  

I have sincerely never read a blog like this. Or, rather, I have sincerely never read THIS blog. Until today. When I heard it was going away. And it is among the funniest blogs I've ever read. And my heart is filled with woe.

It's like that time I discovered this great band called Volcano, I'm Still Excited!! opening for Aloha, and was rocking out with vigor and abandon, and then before the last song they thanked everyone for 8 great years (or whatever) and announced that everything on their merch table was now only $5. Very much like that.

You suck, man... Or, to put it another way, you rule. But you suck. Namaste.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:16 PM  

Really? Noooooooo. Seriously, I know that like 130 people have already said this, but YOU'RE TOO FUNNY TO GO!!

My sister and I have mini recaps of your best posts every few weeks, which usually involve us trying to read them out loud but we never make it far--we always wind up laughing and laughing and laughing after the first 25 words.

Just take a small break?? Please...?

By Blogger Paige, at 4:20 PM  

you know you cannot stay away

By Blogger Tracy, at 4:44 PM  

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.
Don't make me say it again.

By Blogger karla, at 4:50 PM  

wow. I've never actually commented on someone else's blog before but I really fucking loved this blog. It's been said by a lot of people already but I honestly would sit in my cubicle in a room full of people I hated laughing until I had to leave the room because my attempts at silent laughter were largely unsuccessful. I'm sort of sad right now anyway so... yeah, this doesn't help.
anyway, good luck.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:01 PM  

I have absolutely nothing to say that 135 people haven't already said, but hey, might as well throw it out there. At least 136 people will miss you, and that should mean something!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:21 PM  

Damn! This sucks. You've become part of my daily routine. But I understand where you're coming from.
I hope that you rejuvenate and come back to us.
Good luck!

By Blogger Amaya, at 5:26 PM  

What happened? Please don't go, my favorites page needs you.

By Blogger HelloBettyLou, at 5:33 PM  

Well, I guess that's that. I hope it wasn't the fridge that did you in (but it wouldn't surprise me). Maybe you're catching up with Bob @ TPIR?
Take it sleezy.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:59 PM  

I don't even remember how I first linked over to your blog, but I became a daily reader immediately. Whatever is going on in your life, I wish you the best and I hope everything works out.

By Blogger Melissa, at 6:16 PM  

too bad.
so sad.

hope you come back sooner rather than later.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:16 PM  

that sucks...

By Blogger JLee, at 6:19 PM  


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:21 PM  

Like everyone else, I was a silent reader, but loved your blog. I checked it daily at work. You've made me laugh and cry laughing. I'll miss you terribly. Is that picture of the toilet a picture of your apartment? Oh geez, I hope not... Best of luck. Hope to read your book one day.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:22 PM  


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:41 PM  

I will add my voice to the chorus of those who will miss reading your posts. Your writing was consistently hilarious without resorting to mean-spiritedness, which is something many bloggers have trouble pulling off.
My heart goes out to you. Take care.

By Blogger accent_grave, at 8:02 PM  

Awww....take care of yourself, and come back soon. I'll miss reading your posts.

By Blogger Mollypalooza, at 9:04 PM  

Since everyone else has already said it, let me reiterate: NO!

What about all the good times, Dan? What about crazy McDonalds and constructions workers catching you nakkie? What happened? What happened to all the joy?

By Anonymous Malice Alice, at 10:40 PM  

Dude I didn't comment much, but I really liked your writing. Seriously. I mean, I'm not exactly sure I've ever been here before, but I really liked this post.

Hello, Dan.


By Blogger scott, at 10:49 PM  

Now we will all be constipated. I was getting used to a Daily Dump. I actually enjoyed my Daily Dump. I've even turned others on to the Daily Dump. Now we'll all be in pain for many reasons. Please turn that frown upside down and get to dumpin again.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:58 PM  

I can't believe this is happening. Tomorrow I'm going to Super Cuts and ask for The Dan Special in honor of you.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:01 PM  

way to bring everyone else down with you!

now we're ALL depressed.... :(

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:11 PM  

come baaaack!

you inspired me to start a blog.

although i never did get around to writing in it....

good luck.

By Blogger TheBlondeHeckler, at 11:15 PM  


I hope this doesn't sound too desperate...ah fuck it - who cares? I was in an near fatal car accident on Monday afternoon, and the only thing that I looked forward to once I got home, was your blog. You always made me laugh out loud. (I couldn't make myself type "LOL")You have a gift and should continue to share whenever you're ready. We like you because you're real and we can sense that in your blog. Best of luck to you. Hope everything turns out okay. Please notify me when you're ready to blog again:

Thanks for the laughs Dan,

By Blogger Dirt Star, at 11:31 PM  

All the best to one of the best writers out there. Forget the blog and start writing a book.

By Anonymous Neil, at 12:19 AM  

Better late than never, I will miss reading your dump. Good Luck.

By Anonymous Goose, at 1:59 AM  

you can do it!!!
plzz keep doing it on the net!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:13 AM  

Well, I did it again...

I start liking the TV show "Frank's Place" and they take it off the air...

I get into "The Tick" and they yank the plug...

I actuall start believing my White Sox can make it to the playoff two years in a row and they start sucking more than a newborn baby...

I start reading this blog and a month or so later, the guy takes a powder.

i apologize to everyone for ruining this.

Bad Luck Schleprock

By Blogger Man On The Street, at 8:22 AM  

I don’t ever post or comment on someone's page, but the news of your leaving makes me sad. Just wanted you to know that you had me as a fan from hello--even though I cant even remember how long ago that was or how I got here.

I loved living vicariously through you and will miss your stories.

Best of luck with everything and I hope you come back soon.

Word verification: zupkid

I couldn’t have said it better myself...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:07 AM  

Big fan - devistated

I hope your situation changes so we can read your witty take on things in the near future.

While I appreciate your issues, you have a following and everyone seems to be in concencious that you should continue -
any chance you would reconsider - say once a week or month???

You will be missed!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:44 AM  

Dude, you can shut down the blog.
But please keep writing.

See you in the funny papers, my friend...


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:57 AM  

Tears. Tears. Tears.

By Blogger Tilly, at 11:12 AM  

Oh, Dan. I'm sorry. It sounds like such a simplistic, meaningless thing to say to you at this point. I hope that things take a turn for the better soon.

I've really enjoyed your blog and I hope that at some point you'll feel like writing again. In the mean time, keep your chin up and wear a protective cup at all times.

Take Care -

By Blogger Charlie Gordon, at 12:00 PM  

I commented just once, cause my english is not so good- italian-... But I love you! Pls don't go away! I need your daily dump. And then, life sometimes sucks, but you can share everything with us. WE R REAL! And your blog rocks Dan! Smile, there's always a good reason to smile.

By Anonymous Marina, at 12:01 PM  


Whenever I walk through the baking aisle in the grocery store and see funfetti cake mix, I will forever think of you.

And whenever I remember my girlcrushes on tv chicks of the 80s, I will also think of you.

Let me know if you start a new site, please please pretty please, and just for the record I think YOU STARTING ANOTHER SITE IS A FAN-FREAKIN'-TASTIC IDEA.

Just sayin'.

By Blogger Jill, at 12:10 PM  

Please come back. We already miss you.

By Blogger NancyPearlWannabe, at 12:11 PM  

wow, 166 comments! i really should get around to reading this post, it's obviously very good. anyhoo, i just wanted to drop a note saying that in addition to some new blog designs, i also have some blog topics i think you should cover in your subsequent posts (YES, I PROMISE TO ACTUALLY READ THEM). like, you know what's a funny topic you haven't covered? DENIAL

By Blogger ducklet, at 1:50 PM  

I not very good wit the english. I talk Dutch very much beter. But I also am love your writing. Very funny things are said. I laugh all day while to read it. I tell all my friends to read also. I wish you to continue to write it!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:12 PM  

Shame to lose a really good writer/blogger.

By Blogger missy, at 2:26 PM  

I often read your blogs but never one to post a thank you note. THANK YOU. A week from now you'll realize how much you miss us and you'll get up and start writing again. Things will get better. They always do. If they dont you can always write more blogs until things get better. take care. As the late Tupac would say YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:00 PM  

Must say you were a hit here at the office.. I discovered your blog about 3 months ago.. and I have taken the time to read it all.. you were a source of humor in our days here at the office I sent many of my coworkers your link and would head the email..

yea.. immature.. but its things like that that make you not want to kill your coworkers..
Much Love from Iowa.. the state that nobody cares to mention ha!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:00 PM  

NOOOOO!!! I am sorry I will stop lurking..I swear..

actually, homeless seems pretty near to my future too, I just wanted to come by here and say...

People care about you deeply.

I vow to continue entertaining with my log. It has it's funny moments.

By Blogger Spitfire, at 4:03 PM  

Here is why you should come back:

a) Over 100 comments, most of which are begging you to return.

b) I guarantee that several times a day you catch yourself thinking of things to put in your blog.

c) There is nothing so bad in life that a little venting can't help. And what better place to vent than a blog full of strangers whose only bias is that they love you?

d) The promise that if you do come back, you will receive at least one delicious funfetti cake in the mail.

e) What else are you gonna do? Your job?!

f) This is an awesome way to pick up chicks. And I get the uneasy sense you might need that...when you're ready.

g) It'll be great fodder for that book everyone's trying to get you to write. You gotta write daily to keep the juices flowing and to get in that practice. Just like any other art.

h) What else am I gonna do? My job?!

i) I already read all the archived pieces, so I don't have any new material to keep me going until you're ready to start another blog.

j) I had this weird dream that I witnessed a gang blowing up a bridge in NY, and while I was trying to run away and hide in a nearby hotel, the gang was chasing me, and walls were melting and I ran into you (I have no idea why you were there, but there it is) and we became friends, and you helped me hide, and we stayed in touch after the trial, and made each other laugh via AIM, and now there's no way that dream will ever come true!

I've exhausted my supply of knowledge on the alphabet so I have to end my reasonings there.

You don't have to come back immediately, but think about it. No one will think less of you if you decide to return after all. However, we will all think less of you if you don't return immediately. You see?

Be well.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:49 PM  

Aw man! I got put on to the dump by my girls Angelina & Clink. I'll really miss your wonderful sense of humor and that sharp wit. But you gotta do what's best for you right now.

On the flip, I do have an apartment for rent if that will help the homelessness thing. Just sayin.

By Blogger Max, at 5:00 PM  

You'll be back.

By Blogger belligerent mother, at 5:17 PM  

If belligerent mother says it, It Must Be So.

Just don't take TOO much time away from the blog world, ok Dan? Do you see the comments? Huh? DO YOU?

Little fucker...:P

By Blogger Faith, at 5:41 PM  

At this point he is just ignoring us. I mean he has yet to even come on here and deliver us from begging too much. And yes we have been begging.

I will miss your writings. I have this daily thing at work, I log onto my computer and go to this site to see what you have to say, your blog is like a good movie that never ends or at least you wouldnt want it to end.

Girl Trouble?

Really you're a hot dude (if that is your real picture in the black shirt) I might be too young for you but my sister, she is the same age as you would be perfect, she has her own place and a kick ass job. Only problem is we live in West Palm Beach, Florida.

Problem solve. A free place to crash and a pretty girl.

please.....Please...come back....come you man.

Good luck to you Dan

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:55 PM  

Let us know when you decide to come back because I know you will come back. Good luck.


By Anonymous Frank, at 5:55 PM  

Wow...hope life improves soon.
I've loved reading your stuff every day, and you'll be missed!

Good luck...

By Blogger Marika, at 6:53 PM  

I'm not a "commenter," just an avid reader of your blog.
Your blog is/was very entertaining and I often looked forward to reading it to help lighten the day. I'm going to miss that, but wish you the best of luck in whatever you end up doing. Cheers!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:19 PM  

Um...that's just not going to work for me. Sorry, but you'll need to continue. (No? Dammit, but at least I gave it a half-assed try anyway).

.pdf-ing crap from my superiors just won't be the same without you.

Take care.

By Blogger BabsieD, at 8:14 PM  

What the fuck?
Look at all these lost souls, don't we count for something?
You're smart and funny and I hope you write a book.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:21 PM  

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Remember, though it may not seem like it now time is a great healer.

You made my day once when you put down "Best Intro to a song ever" : The Frames. Great band. I'm surprised you've heard of them - I thought they were an Irish phenomenon.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:57 PM  

DD Dan,

I am shocked and sad to read your sign off. I can't remember how I found your blog, but I am a huge huge fan... you make me laugh with each post. I don't know you, but I hope to some day cross paths with you here in the city.

Please reconsider... take a month or two off, and come back to your faithful readers. I promise, life will look better with some time... I will keep checking back, so if you put up a new blog, maybe you could post that here at some point.

you will be missed...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:27 PM  

Your last post was a huge disappointment, but strangley a comfort as well. You see, I too have felt alone in the world of pain and confusion lately. How nice to find that I am not alone! I bet you that there are others who are convinced that there is not another soul who could understand the pain that they are going through. Maybe they are right...or maybe we are all more connected than we think. Look how many people you have connected. All of a sudden, I have something in common with 184 other people that I do not know. We are all mourning the loss of The Daily Dump. You have touched all of our lives. We are all rooting for you.

By Anonymous Ella, at 12:30 AM  

Oh Dan,

Please do come back soon..

Lots of hugs from faraway Singapore

By Blogger ihatetoask, at 3:21 AM  

After reading bellingerent mother's comment, I have hope ... come back, bi, come back!!! I miss reading your funny stories during my lunch break. And I bet if you wrote a "FUCK YOU, WORLD" post it would be funny too, plus a great way to vent.

By Blogger sadielady, at 11:40 AM  

Nooooo! This is my favorite blog. This is the only thing I can count on to make me laugh out loud. Please please resume once you find a home.

By Blogger Robin, at 12:26 PM  

: [

nooo. i hope things work out for you, though. i really enjoyed reading your blog. : ]

gen over at last stop suburbia

sadly and stupidly i signed up for the blogger beta thing and i can't change it back. : [

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:30 PM  

Hope things get better man. There's some good stuff in here.

By Blogger AndyT13, at 12:51 PM  

DAMN!! I feel guilty, as though if I had just taken the time to comment more frequently, you might not be leaving.

Honestly, I hope you're ok. Sounds like some scary life changes are afoot. Thanks for some great laughs.

By Blogger Megarita, at 1:31 PM  

xoxo, Dan!

I've just been introduced to you and now, you're leaving the blogosphere. :( Do let me know if you start up a site or blog again. I'll be by. ;)


By Blogger Tara Tainton, at 2:44 PM  

OMG Dan!

Did you have any idea so many people would be affected by your blog....or lack thereof?

Come back to us!

We miss you already!

By Blogger Dirt Star, at 3:06 PM  

Hey Dan

I'm totally missing you, dude. You and Steve Irwin. This week has sucked.


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:13 PM  

WOW - 193 comments! I'll admit I've been reading for a while but have never commented. There's something about your writing style that captivates me. Just my 2 cents: Roll with the punches. It looks like you've got a good thing going here and you seem like a smart fella. Try to use it to your advantage. Hope things work out for you.


By Blogger MiniMolli, at 4:27 PM  

I only just discovered you and now you're leaving? Noooooooooo!!!!

Reconsider? Pretty please...

By Blogger *the queen*, at 4:58 PM  

Now where can I turn to for humorous, intellectually stimulating social commentary? Seriously, you are one of the best writers I have ever had the pleasure of reading. I hope things look up for you.

You'll definitely be missed if your decision is final but PLEASE DON'T GO!!!

By Anonymous Profoundly missing the Daily Dump Already, at 5:26 PM  

Dan -

Well I just started reading your blog...on a everyday basis...and it is sad to know that you are already leaving...for me seems so soon...for others very upsetting I could imigine what your readers are going to go through to have something everyday to keep them smiling to not even getting a glimpse of it...look at this 196 comments you have a serious fan club...what kind of club will we be without you?

Good Luck. M.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:34 PM  

Hey what with me stick insect snuffing it this week :( and now you buggering off..... the week has been bollocks.......

Hey, ya know what Dan, look at all the comments........ we aint just fair-weather maties ...... you dont always have to be funny and entertaining....... ya just need to write from your soul at the point it is now in life........

We ALL need a hand to hold sometimes in life....... so Im holding out mine to you.......

PLEASE DONT STOP BLOBBING....... please........


By Blogger MarmiteToasty, at 6:20 AM  

Wow, here I am, comment 200 or so. I've gotta say Dan, if I had this many people begging me to blog, I might just do it on a more regular basis.

By Anonymous abigailroad, at 10:33 AM  

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